He told me we'd be having an abortion. No exceptions.

[miie]

A close friend of mine recently found out she is pregnant. I told my bf and My bf then asked me if i am on the pill. I said i was and asked why. He knows i am on it.

 

The thing he said next caught me off guard a bit. He said if you were you'd be getting an abortion. And basically no exceptions, that what would happen. His way. No discussion. I responded but he just kept saying you'd be having an abortion

 

Also, we dont use condoms. We used to. I like it BUT i fear that if by mistake i end up pregnant he is going to put ALL the blame on me.

 

im kind of confused on what to think of it all.

[waveseer]

He is trying to control you. Only you can let that happen. Wouldn't it be better to be in a relationship WITH someone instead of FOR someone?

[ProtestTheHero]

Start using condoms. It's obviously your choice, he can't control that, but it's also incredibly obvious that if you chose to keep the baby that he isn't interested in being a father. I think that's a compatibility issue you need to discuss. If he isn't controlling in other areas of your relationship the way he's wording things and responding could be out of fear/being intimidated of the prospect of being a father. If that's something you want now or imminently, that's something to address.

[faithful14]

Well he says it's up to him, but no it's not. You have a voice also, what you would like to do and he has no control over that.

 

If you were to get pregnant, he would have some big balls to put the blame on you. Last time I checked, it takes 2 people to make a child...so half the responsibility would lie on him- doesn't matter what he says. He can moan and complain all he wants- he would still be partially responsible.

 

If you're really worried, then take some extra precautions. Use condoms, make sure you're taking the pill on time every month, do whatever it is you need to do to be careful. But if there was an accident, he needs to man up and take responsibility.

[De Lorean]

What would you want to do if you got pregnant?

 

If I were in the situation where my partner got pregnant and I didn't want to have a child yet, I'd probably insist on an abortion. That's not because I think I should have control, but because I think it would be wrong to use someone's sperm/egg to create a child without their full consent.

 

Comments above are pretty spot on that you need to start using contraception (pill, condoms, both...whatever suits you two) as if there is one thing you can learn from this, it's that getting pregnant would cause big trouble. If you think his decision was about him having control over you, rather than fair logic, you might want to reconsider whether the relationship is viable.

[Hemorrhage]

How old is your boyfriend? If he is so vehemently against the idea of having children then I would suggest the idea of him getting a vasectomy.

And just to comment, last time I checked the hypothetical fetus would grow inside your body, and cannot tell you what do do with your body. I get so aggrivated when men go on these power trips and think that because they're the "man" they can control a woman's actions. Ridiculous.

[dancing_magpie]

Well if he's so worried about you getting pregnant then maybe you should both start using condoms again even though you are already on the pill...

 

Every time you have sex with someone there is the risk that you might get pregnant. There should be a discussion between the two people involved about what to do if the woman does get pregnant but at the end of the day it's the woman's body and she gets the final say. That's the way it should be because it's the woman that has to go through the pregnancy...

[De Lorean]

Well, it looks like the world isn't going to run out of sexist women any time soon then. Just because the sperm enters your body doesn't mean you all of a sudden have ownership of it. And the argument that the act of sex alone constitutes consent to have children is utterly ridiculous. This idea that men don't have rights over their own children and fatherhood is really offensive.

 

Discuss it, but don't go in with the attitude of "it's my decision not yours", otherwise aren't you doing exactly what you said he was wrong to do?!?

[waveseer]

Well, it looks like the world isn't going to run out of sexist women any time soon then. Just because the sperm enters your body doesn't mean you all of a sudden have ownership of it. And the argument that the act of sex alone constitutes consent to have children is utterly ridiculous. This idea that men don't have rights over their own children and fatherhood is really offensive.

 

Discuss it, but don't go in with the attitude of "it's my decision not yours", otherwise aren't you doing exactly what you said he was wrong to do?!?

 

It doesn't? Isn't possession 9/10 of the law? Unless it's stolen sperm you've given a gift that can't be returned intact.

[Honey Pumpkin]

What would you want to do if you got pregnant?

 

If I were in the situation where my partner got pregnant and I didn't want to have a child yet, I'd probably insist on an abortion. That's not because I think I should have control, but because I think it would be wrong to use someone's sperm/egg to create a child without their full consent.

 

Comments above are pretty spot on that you need to start using contraception (pill, condoms, both...whatever suits you two) as if there is one thing you can learn from this, it's that getting pregnant would cause big trouble. If you think his decision was about him having control over you, rather than fair logic, you might want to reconsider whether the relationship is viable.

 

 

Good luck with that. If I accidentally got pregnant, I would never have an abortion (personal choice). If you are that against having a baby, maybe consider double/treble protection, or a vasectomy?

 

I don't thin a man cannot insist that a woman have an abortion. He can take measures for not getting a woman pregnant if he feels that strongly, perhaps?

 

Anyway, I imagine this is getting into dodgy ground. OP, if my boyfriend said something like that, I would probably reconsider the relationship to be honest. A choice is something a couple should agree on together, not one insisting that the other do something.

[lavenderdove]

Legally he can't make you have an abortion. He could try to bully you into it, but he can't make you.

 

If he is so adamant about it, then he either shouldn't be having sex or you should be using a condom in addition to pills, since one can't always 100% prevent pregnancy, but doubling up on methods reduces the risk.

 

If you are doing everything you can to avoid pregnancy and still get pregnant and don't believe in abortion, he can't make you get one if you don't want one. And if he can't live with the fact that you're someone who wouldn't get an abortion if you got pregnant, then maybe he should only date women who know their choice would be abortion too, and you should only date men who would also accept that you won't get an abortion should you get pregnant.

[StarFright]

Well, it looks like the world isn't going to run out of sexist women any time soon then. Just because the sperm enters your body doesn't mean you all of a sudden have ownership of it. And the argument that the act of sex alone constitutes consent to have children is utterly ridiculous. This idea that men don't have rights over their own children and fatherhood is really offensive.

 

Discuss it, but don't go in with the attitude of "it's my decision not yours", otherwise aren't you doing exactly what you said he was wrong to do?!?

 

Interesting. As a female, I sort of have a weird view on this.

I DO believe that since it's the woman's body, if she chooses to have it, it's on her. You run the risk of losing your boyfriend, but if I were in your shoes and I got preggers with a guy who didn't want my child, I'd rather keep my child and ditch the controlling guy.

 

The whole "it's my body" argument as far as abortion goes, can be a tricky one. It's true...it's in your body and we like to have control over our bodies...but then again, the baby is still half of the man's, barring that he wants it.

 

Here's a scenerio. A woman gets pregnant, She wants to keep the child but the man doesn't, so he has nothing to do with the kid. Society's view is that the man is a deadbeat dad that does not care about his kids. Child lives with a tainted view of the biological father.

 

Reverse roles. The woman does not want the child, but the man does. Most women will terminate the pregnancy since it will only take a toll on her body anyway. The man ultimately then has no say, and he just lost a child he may have longed for. Society sees it as the woman's choice since it is her body. Man get's short end of the stick, again.

 

If both parents want nothing to do with the child, then go ahead and get an abortion. But if one parent still wants it, really think about it. This isn't just your body anymore, it's dealing with the creation of a human life, one of which is still half the man's.

I don't think it is right for either person to have ultimate say. It should be discussed between two partners.

[waveseer]

StarFright, not to get off topic, but any time a man has sex with a woman he runs the risk of making a baby. He doesn't have to want a baby to take responsibility for his choice to have sex with a woman. If she has the baby, then even if he didn't want it if he doesn't help support the child he IS a deadbeat dad. He can stick it in but he can't stick it out.

[agent1607307371]

Well, it looks like the world isn't going to run out of sexist women any time soon then. Just because the sperm enters your body doesn't mean you all of a sudden have ownership of it. And the argument that the act of sex alone constitutes consent to have children is utterly ridiculous. This idea that men don't have rights over their own children and fatherhood is really offensive.

 

Discuss it, but don't go in with the attitude of "it's my decision not yours", otherwise aren't you doing exactly what you said he was wrong to do?!?

 

 

Men have no say over womens bodies ever. End of.

 

If he wants to exercise control over his own procreation he needs to do it on his end. End of.

[dancing_magpie]

It is not sexist - you cannot force a woman to do something to her body that she does not wish to do.

 

I understand why you are upset De Lorean but ultimately it is not your body - it's the woman's body. If you are that worried about a pregnancy, you either don't have sex or you make damned certain that you take proper measures to ensure a pregnancy doesn't occur... unfortunately only the former is 100% safe.

 

Starfright - yes, it is a horrible situation when the couple can't agree and I share your feelings and think most people probably do. Ultimately though the woman gets the final say because it's HER body. That's the way it has to work.

 

Would you really want a situation where women are forced to carry a pregnancy to term, or forced to abort against their wishes?

[DN]

Hypothetical threads on the rights and wrongs of abortion always end badly - thread closed.