Seven months after the Divorce

[HeartBrokn]

It's been a while since I've been on the site. I wanted to come by post my status after being divorced for seven months.

 

First thing I was married for ten years, have two kids and was completely blown away when my X told me she wanted a divorce. So I won't go into the unnecessary why, when, where, what's for the reasons of why we ended up there in the first place, I felt that I would never recover from it, but my friends I have.

 

Of course I don't need to mention that is very heart breaking that I am not around my kids, since I am stationed in a different state. So that part I will never get over but I do my best to be around them every chance I get and spoil them with love when I am away and when I am around them.

 

However, I loved my X and didn't want to get divorced even though we had our challenges I fought till the end to keep our family together. It was all on her and at the end I was left with a huge loss. My first two months were the most difficult and I would daily ask myself why this was happening, and I felt real despair over how things can go bad so quickly. I lost my confidence, I lost my self-esteem and felt like a complete loser.

 

Luckily for me I moved away and was forced to change my environment and make new friends. The hardest part about trying to become positive again, is that it has to come within. I did a lot of thinking and looking at my life and slowly started to think differently about life in general. I used to be the glass is half empty type of a person even thought I would never admit that, but after a while I started to count my blessings and looked at my life in a more positive way.

 

I read a few self-help books which made me realize that life is all about your perception. If you think negative and always think of worse case scenarios than misery will follow, if you take a second to realize how good life can be than you start living. I am not trying to get philosophical, but merely trying to point out that life is great and it doesn't always work out the way you specifically want. Soon as I figured that part out I became a happier person.

 

So to sum it up, I felt I would never rebound from my ordeal and I really did. I have my lonely days, I think about what ifs other days but ultimately I look forward and not backwards. If anyone needs to ask me specific questions of how I got through my recovery please don't hesitate to PM me and I will give you my perspective. Good luck!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So glad to hear a positive story about healing from a break up.

[lostandhurt]

Hey Broken,

 

I remember you! Another victim of an Walk Away Wife right?

Good to see you are doing so much better. Did you you get the divorce finaled? What are the chances of getting stationed closer to your kids?

 

Isn't it strange how bad it was and how little hope there is in the beginning and then with time and learning things can get so much better. I would bet this has made you a better person hasn't it?

 

Don't ease up and keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Your life is what you make it, not what happens to you while you simply live.

 

Best wishes

Lost

[HeartBrokn]

So glad to hear a positive story about healing from a break up.

 

 

Thanks CAD, I really wanted to give people here a positive outcome after living through something that was awful at the time.

[HeartBrokn]

Hey Broken,

 

I remember you! Another victim of an Walk Away Wife right?

Good to see you are doing so much better. Did you you get the divorce finaled? What are the chances of getting stationed closer to your kids?

 

Isn't it strange how bad it was and how little hope there is in the beginning and then with time and learning things can get so much better. I would bet this has made you a better person hasn't it?

 

Don't ease up and keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Your life is what you make it, not what happens to you while you simply live.

 

Best wishes

Lost

 

 

Hey LOST!!!

 

How are you doing buddy?!?

 

Yeah brother it is me, I am doing so much better right now and you are right life is what you make of it. I did get stationed closer, I am in South California which is a lot closer than Georgia so I am very blessed. I am hoping to go back to Idaho my next assignment and be in the same city as my kids. I have them for the summer and it's been great. I am all better but unfortunately they remind me every once in a while how sad this makes them. In fact my youngest was crying when she went to bed tonight and I went to her to lay next to her, to hug her and she says "Dad why did mommy leave you, you are a very pretty" what a sweet kid.

 

It's weird, I honestly don't have a good answer other than telling her that is not what I wanted. Other than my poor kids living through this loss, I have rebounded completely. At the moment my heart is shut tight and I am not letting anyone in, I hope that doesn't last forever but for now it is good for me. I go to the gym every day, I eat great and I am taking advantage of living close to LA, Vegas San Diego and all other great places in my vicinity. I don't think I have ever been more positive in my life. Lost this has truly changed my life for the better, I have learned from my experiences and it has made me stronger in life. I want to say thank you to you and the rest that have helped me get through the heartache here.

 

HB

[Exchange]

If you think negative and always think of worse case scenarios than misery will follow, if you take a second to realize how good life can be than you start living. I am not trying to get philosophical, but merely trying to point out that life is great and it doesn't always work out the way you specifically want. Soon as I figured that part out I became a happier person.

 

This is the truth. My ex was glass is half empty kind of person, full of doubts, worries, etc. It really does stop you from living and becoming a happier person.

 

Couldn't imagine what your kids are going through, that alone would crush me if I had a wife that left. But good to hear that you are turning this around into something positive.

[lostandhurt]

Broken,

I am doing very good buddy. So happy to hear that you are seeing your life for what it is and can be.

The little ones can really throw some good questions out there can't they? My son once asked me when this all started "dad if you don't want to get divorced and I don't want you to get divorced then it is 2 against 1 (my ex) so we win" I simply told him that you can't make someone love you if they don't anymore. He just looked at me and said "I love you though" That's enough for me buddy. It will always be enough for me......

 

Your heart will open in time. I am dating but I can feel that there is something missing that I had at one time. Perhaps one day it will return.......

 

If you ever make it up farther north I am in the Central Valley right in the center of the state. Look me up and we will go have a few beers and compare scars!!!

 

(HUGS) to the kids

 

Lost

[HeartBrokn]

Lost

 

Yeah kids have great answers and sometime I wish it was that simple I will definitely try to make it up there for a beer. My brother lives in Sacramento and I visit him every once in a while. Also, if you are ever in LA or Vegas send me a PM. I am always looking for an excuse to drink beer in one of those places. Take care bud.

 

HB

[surfNski]

Just following your story and wanted to say I appreciate you coming back and sharing a little of your story with us. My ex fiance let over a year ago and I have always been a glass is empty type of person. Which has served me well in business but terrible in life and love. Its been really difficult for me to change my way of thinking but hearing positive stories helps. Good job man...

[annbuckley]

I can't wait until i feel like you do. Good for you for taking your time to get yourself together - a wise move. Awesome. I wish you well.

[HeartBrokn]

SurfNski, thanks a lot brother. Honestly I needed to go through something like this to know how to come out of it, and after a while I was tired of being miserable so that helped me make the effort to fix myself. I wish you the best a year is a good amount of time to undo the hurt and now it's time to start moving on and making happiness for yourself. Thank you and good luck!

 

Annbuckley it will happen before you know it. There is a time for everything, a time to grieve and a time to move on. It all happens in stages and it lasts different for different people but when you are in the hurt it's difficult to see outside. Good luck to you too.