"Because you are older you should take anything or be alone"

[newwave]

I am disgusted that people don't respect my views. So what if I am 39 and never married, that doesn't mean I have to take any guy or I'll be alone.

 

This was from another thread I created, but I state I will NEVER date a guy with kids nor will I likely date a divorced guy. I am a Catholic and in most cases divorce isn't accepted. I also want a Catholic mass because (once again) I AM CATHOLIC. Common sense, yet people seem to think my standards are high because of religious views. Religious views are important to me and will be my entire life. Just because of that doesn't mean I'll be alone because of that. There ARE never married guys out there. In all the cases I know they are are more likely to marry because they never did it before. Besides, I intend to marry ONCE (unless my spouse dies) so I intend to have a nice wedding. It's my right.

 

Just because I am older doesn't mean I'll be alone because of my views.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Even people with lower standards can end up alone if they choose an incompatible person and the marriage ends in divorce.

[newwave]

Sure, anyone can be alone, but choosing bad doesn't always mean that either. I think people need to have standards. Not saying the person has to be hot or drive a sports car, just have the same morals. Someone who's been divorced in most cases doesn't share my morals. Someone with kids certainly doesn't share my morals either.

[Sparkly Eyes]

It doesn't mean you will be alone. But you have to realize we are talking about chances here. You are significantly reducing your chances of finding a great guy to marry.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Sure, anyone can be alone, but choosing bad doesn't always mean that either. I think people need to have standards. Not saying the person has to be hot or drive a sports car, just have the same morals. Someone who's been divorced in most cases doesn't share my morals. Someone with kids certainly doesn't share my morals either.

 

What if you get married and then find out he is a serial cheater, and cheats on you with hookers. Will you stay in that marriage just because you're catholic?

[newwave]

What if you get married and then find out he is a serial cheater, and cheats on you with hookers. Will you stay in that marriage just because you're catholic?

 

Not in that case, like I said there are exceptions. However, I would try to get an annulment.

 

Sure, there are great guys who are divorced, but I don't want most of them. Most are other women's rejects. If I want to buy a new car, I don't want someone's used junk pile. Same thing. Now if the marriage was short and annulled that's another story. A guy with kids would NEVER be a good guy for me.

[15 Storeys High]

My fiancee killed herself. We didn't have kids and we never managed to get married. I have a good, well respected career and own my own house. Would you ever consider me if you happened accross me on a dating site?

[newwave]

My fiancee killed herself. We didn't have kids and we never managed to get married. I have a good, well respected career and own my own house. Would you ever consider me if you happened accross me on a dating site?

 

Probably. You were engaged but never married.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Not in that case, like I said there are exceptions. However, I would try to get an annulment.

 

Sure, there are great guys who are divorced, but I don't want most of them. Most are other women's rejects. If I want to buy a new car, I don't want someone's used junk pile. Same thing. Now if the marriage was short and annulled that's another story. A guy with kids would NEVER be a good guy for me.

 

What if you could not get an annulment and had to get divorce? Would you want other guys to view you as "someone's used junk pile" after that? Would you really see yourself as a "junk pile"?

[newwave]

I'd be careful I didn't marry a guy where annulment wasn't possible.

[u4me]

You certainly have to right to date any one you want or not date those you don't want to. And, you don't have to justify that to others. I know it's maddening. As a woman who doesn't have children, I enjoy dating men who have children. I have an off the subject question. If you're Catholic, then you've never had sex, right? I used to counsel folks with STDs - many were Catholic. I never understood why they couldn't use condoms (Catholics don't use bc) but they could justify sex without marriage. Is that why you won't consider a guy with kids cuz he's not a virgin?

[15 Storeys High]

Doesn't the Catholic religion consider suicide a grave sin? Moreso than divorce?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Good luck. I read your last thread, and was struck by the fact that you want some things in a partner (never to have been married), but are not bound by other comparable components of your religion (no pre-marital sex).

 

How would you feel if you met a gorgeous, never been married, lovely guy the same age as you, everything you want - and he rejected you because you weren't a virgin?

 

I hope you find what you're looking for, I really do. You seem so unhappy in your threads/

[snoopydog]

Most good catches over the age of 40 have been married at least once so you are limiting your options quite severely.

 

Also what you say about not wanting another woman's 'reject' and comparing a dumpee to a used junk pile... That's quite a harsh and unfair way to look at it in my opinion, particularly as half of the time it will have been the man who left the marriage.

[u4me]

My fiancee killed herself. We didn't have kids and we never managed to get married. I have a good, well respected career and own my own house. Would you ever consider me if you happened accross me on a dating site?

 

15 SH, I'm so sorry you went through this. I just lost my brother to suicide - it's confusing to those left behind.:sad:

[Saffron_]

 

Just because I am older doesn't mean I'll be alone because of my views.

 

Trouble is, some of your views and the way you express them are tremendously offensive and I'm NOT talking about the religious ones. I'm talking about the way you refer to certain groups of people and your apparent disdain for a huge proportion of the human race. You use words like 'slob' and 'trash' and 'disgusting' to describe people who are most likely good hearted decent folk. Not perfect, maybe not for you, but they don't deserve to be referred to in that way. That's the reason you could end up alone.

 

You've even said less than kind things about the guy you supposedly want. You've said he isn't that good looking, doesn't make much and "you could do better". I just hope you don't write your own wedding vows!!!

[Sparkly Eyes]

I'd be careful I didn't marry a guy where annulment wasn't possible.

 

I hate to say it, but the title of annulment or divorce doesn't make a difference in how people will view you. You were still married....and that still makes you someone else's junk.

[newwave]

You certainly have to right to date any one you want or not date those you don't want to. And, you don't have to justify that to others. I know it's maddening. As a woman who doesn't have children, I enjoy dating men who have children. I have an off the subject question. If you're Catholic, then you've never had sex, right? I used to counsel folks with STDs - many were Catholic. I never understood why they couldn't use condoms (Catholics don't use bc) but they could justify sex without marriage. Is that why you won't consider a guy with kids cuz he's not a virgin?

 

Even though I am Catholic, I believe in condoms. I have gotten more into religion the last few years, and though I am not a virgin I have decided to abstain from sex. When I marry I likely won't use birth control because I probably only have 5-10 years to worry about pregnancy and will likely only get pregnant once or twice (or not at all).

[newwave]

Most good catches over the age of 40 have been married at least once so you are limiting your options quite severely.

 

Also what you say about not wanting another woman's 'reject' and comparing a dumpee to a used junk pile... That's quite a harsh and unfair way to look at it in my opinion, particularly as half of the time it will have been the man who left the marriage.

 

Not true. If they were such a prize they never would have gotten divorced in all likelihood. If the man left the marriage he is definitely no prize.

[Saffron_]

Newwave, I think that if your views remain the way they are today, you'll end up a very sad individual.

[newwave]

Good luck. I read your last thread, and was struck by the fact that you want some things in a partner (never to have been married), but are not bound by other comparable components of your religion (no pre-marital sex).

 

How would you feel if you met a gorgeous, never been married, lovely guy the same age as you, everything you want - and he rejected you because you weren't a virgin?

 

I hope you find what you're looking for, I really do. You seem so unhappy in your threads/

 

Well, if he rejected me, not much I could do. He'd have a harder time finding a virgin but if he was dead set on that more power. Being a virgin isn't the same thing as being previously married.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well, if he rejected me, not much I could do. He'd have a harder time finding a virgin but if he was dead set on that more power. Being a virgin isn't the same thing as being previously married.

 

I was just trying to point out your inconsistencies; if you find a Catholic man who has been holding out for marriage, you may well find that he expects you to have been waiting for marriage as well, more than just the ceremony but also to have been abstaining from sex.

 

I wish you well.

[15 Storeys High]

I think you're using your religion to enable you to look down on those you consider to be beneath you. That is not what religion is for. Religion...any religion....is fundamentally about acceptance, forgiveness and living a good life. Your attitude towards those you claim your religion prevents you from associating with is disgusting to me. You are not someone that I would ever consider as girlfriend or marriage material because you come accross as cold, heartless and mean. And I know that the Catholic religion does not encourage those kinds of personality traits. If you feel attacked by this post I'm sorry.....but many others must also feel attacked and wounded by your posts.

[BriarRose]

Why do you hate divorced men with children so much? This goes far beyond your Catholic "morals" because you speak of them vehemently, with deep hatred.

[ProtestTheHero]

Premarital sex is a sin, and while our criminal actions are treated based on their severity, sin is sin in religious doctrine and isn't ranked from "not a big deal" to "very bad". The point is this: if you are held to the same standard you are holding some of these men too, you'd have to eliminate yourself. I won't argue on religious grounds or turn it into a debate, but I went to church 2-3x a week until I was 18, there are a couple pastors in my family, and half of my friends here went to Bible College of some sort and my cousin is going to Liberty. So I know the background and I can appreciate the concerns, even if there are some differences (mostly ceremonial) between Catholicism and Protestant theology.

 

We all have to bend in some ways or own up to who we are, or else we will be perpetually alone. You don't HAVE to do anything. It's your life. But there are several things you can do to metaphorically pull out a shotgun and destroy whatever chances, percentages, and probability that's working in your favor in the face, and you're doing that.

 

You are, however, FREE to pursue this course as you see fit. What we say or think is totally irrelevant to what you want, but in the end the results will have to speak for themselves and you'll have to ask yourself if you'll be happy with the outcome.