Is this beyond repair?

[ziggie31]

Summed up as briefly as I can:

 

Hung out for a weekend at the beach with my friend and her bf. They set me up with this guy her bf knows, Jason. Hooked up several times but I didn't enjoy the sex and didn't feel much of a connection to him, though I thought he was nice. We only texted a few times after I left and it was just small chitchat. Found out from friends that he only wanted a hookup with me. Went back the following weekend but I hooked up with a different guy. Jason knew about it and didn't seem happy. The next night I started feeling a connection with him for the first time but found out that he had said behind my back that he didn't enjoy the sex with me. I was unhappy with this and went home with his roommate (but didn't do anything with him). Jason found out and was FURIOUS. We talked and he admitted that he did want a serious relationship (but didn't say if he wanted one with ME or not). I admitted later that night over text that I liked him and he replied "thats fine". He called me the next day and chewed me out, telling me to "never pull that * * * * again" and when I said I wasn't coming back he said "good, dont come back here again", though he insisted he wasn't angry at me. We haven't talked since.

 

I'd be happy to elaborate on any parts if requested. I know it's sooo messed up but for some reason I can't stop thinking about this guy. I genuinely liked him and I think he liked me too, otherwise he wouldn't be so upset about the idea of me being with other guys. I want closure but feel like it's probably best to let this one go. Is there anything salvageable in this situation?

[Mauxly]

You are randomly 'hooking up' with someone you didn't think you really liked. Then you 'hook up' with a different guy the following weekend. Then you went home with his roomate?

 

Errr...

 

I suspect that he has very little respect for you. You might want to check yourself, look into why you are promiscuous. If it is simply a lifestyle choice that is fine. However if you've been abused in the past or have other issues you may want to look into working on them.

[capilot]

... I didn't enjoy the sex and didn't feel much of a connection to him ... he had said behind my back that he didn't enjoy the sex with me. ...

 

You're not compatible. You're not even a couple yet and you're fighting.

 

Just let it go.

[FathomFear]

You are randomly 'hooking up' with someone you didn't think you really liked. Then you 'hook up' with a different guy the following weekend. Then you went home with his roomate?

 

Errr...

 

I suspect that he has very little respect for you. You might want to check yourself, look into why you are promiscuous. If it is simply a lifestyle choice that is fine. However if you've been abused in the past or have other issues you may want to look into working on them.

 

Any straight guy who would lose respect for her just because she engaged in a behavior that he himself participated in (hooking up) is a hypocrite who wouldn't be worth her time anyway.

 

I think we need to get past this double-standard. If the OP were a man no one would be replying to suggest that women would lose respect for him or that he might have been abused as a child.

 

But rant over. To address the OP's question, I'd say this is a classic case of changing expectations. He initially wanted a relationship. You didn't. Then you changed your tune while he was still disappointed from your initial reactions. You could always try sitting him down and expressing your feelings, but chances are you won't have much luck repairing things at this point.

[geekgirl4]

IMO, it seems like he got jealous/territorial so he kicked up a fuss about you sleeping with another guy. I also don't think you two are compatible.

[Atticus90]

F.U.B.A.R

 

Sorry, but you both are already fighting and it isn't even official. You both don't even know each other. Good thing he showed who he really is before you thought about dating him.

 

Let this one go..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Any straight guy who would lose respect for her just because she engaged in a behavior that he himself participated in (hooking up) is a hypocrite who wouldn't be worth her time anyway.

 

I think we need to get past this double-standard. If the OP were a man no one would be replying to suggest that women would lose respect for him or that he might have been abused as a child.

 

But rant over. To address the OP's question, I'd say this is a classic case of changing expectations. He initially wanted a relationship. You didn't. Then you changed your tune while he was still disappointed from your initial reactions. You could always try sitting him down and expressing your feelings, but chances are you won't have much luck repairing things at this point.

 

Actually, many (but not all) women who do engage in promiscuous behaviour tend to have issues due to childhood abuse, molestation, neglect. Men who are promiscuous also tend to have emotional problems but typically do not come from the same cause. For women who are promiscuous it is often their way of trying to get affection and closeness even if it is random and fleeting. For men it is usually tied in with insecurity and wanting to feel powerful and adored by many....a narcissistic approach.

[alli]

It sounds like neither of you liked each other nor enjoyed sleeping together in the first place and didn't really want the other person until they showed disinterest. When you slept with someone else, it made him say/think "fine, I didn't like you anyway" even though he was probably jealous/hurt that you would go to someone else so soon after him. Then, when you heard he said he didn't enjoy sleeping with you anyway, you probably felt a bit hurt/insulted that he was saying he didn't still want you. Sounds like a case of wanting what you can't have, rather than wanting it because you really want it. Just like when you were a kid, the toy is always way better when someone else wants it. You even said yourself you didn't enjoy sleeping with him, and he said he didn't enjoy sleeping with you, so really I don't think either of you really like each other that much anyway.

[ziggie31]

Uhh...I haven't been abused or neglected or anything first of all. I sleep with people because I enjoy sex, as do many other men and women my age. I was in a situation where there was mutual interest between myself and an attractive man, so I went for it

 

Thanks for the replies though - I kinda guessed I should let this one go, but I've been having trouble getting it off my mind. I can't help but feel that if things hadn't played out so badly, we'd still have a decent shot.

 

 

 

Good points - and I think you're onto something, when he started pulling away there was the whole "thrill of the chase" thing going on for me. But I still really feel like he genuinely liked me (and probably the sex too) but didn't want to admit it/stayed aloof so his pride wouldnt be damaged if it turned out he liked me and I didn't want anything more than a one night stand. Unfortunately, I took it at face value when he said he wasn't interested...

[agatha]

I feel he threw a double standard over you the moment you acted like no 'good girl' would and hooked up with someone else - he felt excited for your boldness, but hated the fact that you didn't need his approval.

 

that's why he keeps throwing these mixed messages to induce you to believe you ruined something that would have never been.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Honestly, this whole thing sounds very high school. This is what often happens when people look out for their sexual needs above all else...often politeness and consideration for the other person's feelings just fall by the wayside in the quest for casual sex. I see this kind of thing happening all the time on this forum and there are always hurt feelings and confusion by one person or the other in the casual sex episode. People want sex, however and with whomever but then are not prepared for the inevitable emotional fallout which they assumed would never happen.

[agatha]

I don't see where politeness was thrown by the window, she owed him nothing and he never showed intention on pursuing anything further, but I have to agree with you there - people try to play cool when they're not actually cool with the implications of 'casual'.

 

when you choose something, there are consequences, good and bad. gotta learn to live with them or make wiser choices, more respectful to your own values.

[Sports Fan]

The better question is why you're having random hookups. You sleep with him, sleep with someone, then find someone else. It is hypocritical on his part to judge you for sleeping around, but he's not your problem. I don't know what other issues you have that you feel the need to be promiscuous. Randomly hooking up is not a smart move on your part. You don't know what diseases these guys have. Condoms aren't 100% safe.