Trying to find a good woman in her late twenties.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I've been in relationships the last few years, but none that really felt like they were going anywhere and I had to end them.

 

I felt like there were two people in my life I could have truly been happy with and I pretty much screwed that all up ages ago.

 

 

How is this any different from many single women in their late 20's?

 

It's funny you mention the best women being married by their early 20's because the divorce rate for such women is like twice that of those who get married in their late 20's and beyond.

 

I live in a big city and it's very common for single women in their late 20's to not have any kids.

 

I think you have high standards and you meet them yourselves so it's not easy for people like that to find their great match.

[Clarity]

I don't want to be cold, but maybe you are all single for a reason.

 

Seriously? You come here asking for help about being single and drop that comment in there? Hypocritical much?!

 

You're trying to paint a picture as if no one is in your situation or has your circumstances, and while technically that may be true, there actually many people in similar situations. We all go through spells like this where it seems like there is no one out there "for us", because it's just damn hard to find someone compatible - for a lot of people! Sure there are people out there who find relationships left and right, but there are others, like yourself, and like posters here, who are more selective and do have troubles.

 

It's a combination of factors, some of which are out of your control, others are within your control. If your posting style reflects your personality at all (maybe it doesn't), I would suggest that being condescending will only hurt your chances with good people.

[Brightest Dark]

I don't like bars and clubs, and the women I've met there in the past are not the type of people I really want to have a relationship with.

 

There may be plenty of fish in the sea but the only one's left to catch are crabs and you're not even that close to the sea to begin with.

 

Ouch! I'm trying not to be offended at being called a crab! Not all the older women out there are crabs - you just haven't been to the right places for them. It sounds like you're definitely not getting out there and into the right places. How about going to see some bands play at local venues? Not big stadium/arena shows, but smaller club gigs. I know you said you don't like clubs, but watching some bands play is more interesting as you're not just standing around, you have some entertainment. I'm sure there are other entertaining things to do locally where there may be females. I don't know what area you're in but maybe have a search and see what other local activities are going on.

[Sparkly Eyes]

You're joking, right? The time that a woman gets married has nothing to do with how sane she is. One of my friends who had the worst manners of all got married the soonest and the loveliest ones are still single with no relationship going on. In fact, if anything, I would say that usually the smarter women are the ones who wait to get married and who don't get married to the first guy that is willing to do it with them. I have some great friends in late twenties, early thirties that haven't gotten married because they didn't want to settle and wanted to experience the world before jumping into a family life.

 

You have to change your attitude. With this attitude, not only you can't find someone you like, but even if you do, they probably won't find themselves attracted to you.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't want to be cold, but maybe you are all single for a reason.

 

I do occasionally meet single woman near my age, its just there is often something that pushes me away, whether its personality, attractiveness, life goals or something that I just can't get around.

 

It honestly seems like the best woman get picked out early, and if they do become single again they are usually damaged by their past relationships.

 

So might you.

 

Perhaps for what I desire most in a woman it is a little too late and I have no choice but to either compromise my heartfelt standards or make the choice to live alone. Granted no one is making me make that choice right now, but I do not see it getting easier the older I get.

 

Point taken, and I have thought about this.

 

I've been in relationships the last few years, but none that really felt like they were going anywhere and I had to end them.

 

I felt like there were two people in my life I could have truly been happy with and I pretty much screwed that all up ages ago.

 

I keep looking, keep hoping. I've tried different approaches, attitudes, places and methods. It all seems so hopeless and even demeaning. Meanwhile the people I do meet seem less and less what I'm looking for.

 

Then I meet some body that totally takes my breath away and I notice them and decide I have to get to know them better. Then I figure out that they're married or engaged. Another great cache already claimed.

 

I think those last two sentences really speak to the essence of what I'm trying to say.

 

Seriously? You come here asking for help about being single and drop that comment in there? Hypocritical much?!

 

You're trying to paint a picture as if no one is in your situation or has your circumstances, and while technically that may be true, there actually many people in similar situations. We all go through spells like this where it seems like there is no one out there "for us", because it's just damn hard to find someone compatible - for a lot of people! Sure there are people out there who find relationships left and right, but there are others, like yourself, and like posters here, who are more selective and do have troubles.

 

It's a combination of factors, some of which are out of your control, others are within your control. If your posting style reflects your personality at all (maybe it doesn't), I would suggest that being condescending will only hurt your chances with good people.

 

You're joking, right? The time that a woman

gets married has nothing to do with how sane she is.

You have to change your attitude. With this attitude, not only you can't find someone you like, but even if you do, they probably won't find themselves attracted to you.

 

What I suspect, I think there are a combination of factors playing into why you haven't found someone. Your location might have something to do with it of course, if you are from a place where people marry in their early 20s or sooner. But I actually think your attitude might be more of a hinderance to finding happiness. You seem a little rigid of your conception of women. Of course you should look for someone who shares your values, but I would also suggest you make sure that your values are realistic as well.

 

I would definitely say you need to look inward on this one and also make sure that your attraction isn't impacted by prejudice.

[HeartGoesOn]

Moderator Note: Please be respectful, and stay on topic.

[itsallgrand]

 

Then I meet some body that totally takes my breath away and I notice them and decide I have to get to know them better. Then I figure out that they're married or engaged. Another great cache already claimed.

 

I think those last two sentences really speak to the essence of what I'm trying to say.

 

I think so too.

 

Read the bolded. You do seem to be attracted to women already in relationships.

 

Now, why?

 

I ask bc I don't think that is a totally predictable experience for all people. I know for myself, I meet a lot of single men - not taken - and it is said it is more difficult for women who are a bit older to meet single men. And a lot of these men are looking for marriage. So why the difference here. ?

 

Possibly location. Possibly what and who you are attracted to - and maybe there is some reason you are actually unconsciously seeking out taken women (hey, it happens, sometimes taken people exude a certain confidence and ease bc they aren't looking). Maybe you are screening at the beginning to get a feel for someone is coming from before allowing yourself to feel smitten.

 

Sure, I meet cute men who are interesting and sometimes get a flush before finding out they are taken. But it's not like a rejection at that point, it's just the meeting someone stage 'hey how are you' general stuff. Not enough that I would count any of them as "oh it's so hard to meet someone".

 

And I think Ms Darcy and others had some good points too.

 

It's never hopeless, half of it is sifting through our own baggage first. I know , I know, it's difficult to consider oneself to be someone with baggage, but we all got a little bit if you we lived and breathed!

[KileOriginal]

If I was a troll this would be a very successful thread.

 

I think this touches on alot of nerves. Obviously I didn't create all the sensitivity towards the subject.

 

Truth is, its just hard to find a woman I would want to marry and have a family with the older I get. Its hard finding woman I would be interested in, and often when I do find a woman who gets my attention, I find they're already taken.

 

Perhaps some other guy who has different values and goals than me has no trouble finding ideal woman to date. But we're probably not looking for the same thing.

 

As for me, I'll keep busy working, studying and building towards a better future. I just wish I had some one to build it with.

[KileOriginal]

I actually meant to say last two paragraphs.

[brazilgirl21]

I am 23, in my early twenties, and I would rather date someone who's older... It's a generalization to say that all women on their early 20's are "vapid".

 

Last 3 guys I dated were 30/31.

 

I mean, I do think age matters but when people are out of college, I think it really does even everyone out.

[Cognitive_Canine]

What qualities are you looking for in a woman?

 

Perhaps you have some sort of subconscious attraction for taken women. Or maybe you think that woman who do not get married young must have something wrong with them and project that onto any single woman you meet. Younger women being more insipid is another generalization that you have. So, perhaps you are looking for flaws in these women and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy?

 

Just throwing out ideas here. There are probably a lot of factors going on in this situation. Sort through what you can and do some trial and error.