Moment of weakness and the unknown future

[Gerber Daisy]

Hey everyone,

 

Well, it's late at night, and I always find the darkness hard and encourages tears to flow freely. I recently cancelled my wedding and broke up with my fiance of 8 years. It's been a tough 2.5 months since this all happened. We were both at fault. After lying in bed, unable to sleep many nights, I do understand that the break up was inevitable.

 

I will briefly give you the low-down: My fiance lied to me about going to university, and he kept it from me for 2 years or more. I financially/emotionally supported him, thinking that we both were working towards a future together. I made sure that the only thing he needed to focus on was going to school. Recently this year, when things didn't feel right (he wasn't willing to help with wedding plans and seemed to have more and more difficulty doing activities of daily living), I was so stressed and I ended up cheating on him. I feel horrible for my actions. I did tell him the truth about my cheating after I confronted him about his university absence, and he was extremely upset, hence the break up. See, the sad part about his problem is that he was never going to tell me that he never graduated. In fact, he was going to continue lying to me until one day I find out.

 

It's been almost 1 month since our last conversation, and recently, I miss him. He wasn't an evil villian trying to hurt me, no, I understand at one point he did love me, but he just did not handle the school situation very well, and neither did I. I did enjoy our time together, but it felt like the last 3 yrs of my life was a complete lie. I honestly don't feel like I can ever become intimate or trust anyone. I'm also afraid that I won't get over this relationship and forever be unhappy. We grew up together, and now, part of my life does feel empty. Everyone tells me that I should see this opportunity to work on myself and what I want in life. I do understand that no one can make me happy except for myself. But it's hard. I also still worry about my ex and his mental well-being. For someone to live in denial and lie for a long period of time, it eats him up on the inside. I know he hasn't reached out towards his friends for support, and his parents aren't the friendly type (his mom is an alcoholic and his dad is in denial that his wife is an alcoholic and ignores the situation by being a workaholic).

 

I guess what I'm wondering is, will things get better with time, or is there something I can do to make it better? Should I ever contact my ex in the future?

[Hell_On_Heels]

Don't contact your ex, if you care for him at all. And yes, it will get better.