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How to have the kids deal with my ex's birthday gifts after divorce...


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I am not quite sure how to do this: what do families with kids do about birthday gifts for their ex after a divorce. While married we would take the kids out to choose and "purchase" a gift for the spouse. And I am separated, but my ex took the kids out to buy a flower pot for me for mother's day. In return, the kids and I bought a camp chair for him for father's day. Obviously we pay for our ex's gift, but the kids choose it. It feels a little strange. Especially because I suspect they also "chose" a flower basket for his current gf for mother's day too (don't know that for a fact, but I suspect it...).


I am not dating and maybe once I get into a stable longterm relationship maybe things will change. But as it is, I live accross the country from my family so having them take my kids out to shop is not an option.


My b'day is this week, and I just told the kids to make me a card. My ex's b'day is in a month, and it is a little painful to shop for him.


Should I continue to have the kids shop for their dad??? I am trying to set my feelings aside to instill thoughtful behavior in my kids...

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My parents got divorced when I was in the second grade. My mom always bought a gift for my sister and I to give to my dad on father's day, his birthday, christmas, etc. My dad never did the same but as I got older I grew to appreciate my mom much more for trying to be mature and civilized about the situation.

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My ex did nothing... NOTHING... he left when our child was 18months. But, I always did the right thing...


My philosophy is this: Until the ex has moved on and is in a serious relationship or remarried I would make sure that my son made or picked out a gift for his dad for birthday, Xmas and Father's Day. Depends on how you look at it but after a year he was married again so I didn't have to do it that long.


Now my soon to be husband has an ex... she is spiteful and has tried taking me to court twice now over petty things which were thrown out but still cost me an attorney. BUT, I will still do right by his kids and we make sure to take them shopping for her birthday, Xmas and Mother's Day. We have made it clear to her that once she is in a serious relationship or remarried it will become her new partners responsibility with the kids. Sadly I don't see this woman getting on with her life anytime soon. She is too busy being bitter. The funny part is my future husband didn't want to leave his wife but years of abuse and neglect will leave you with little choice.


Anyway that's my philosophy. Its about the kids! AND doing the right thing.

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i think it is a godd thing for ex's to do this - it's is really about helping the kids more than doing something for the ex.




DN and others here are right. Its what your kids need to learn about life, not what your ex has done or does or doesn't do. My ex does nothing whatever for my birthday, Father's Day or any recognition of me as father (or former husband).


I make sure that they get her gifts and give her cards for important days in her life. Not because I give a hoot about her but because its the right thing for children to learn to do.


I recognize the irony and feel the sting from her passive-aggressive nonsense. That's her problem, not mine nor our childrens'. For me, its about how our children learn the right things to do in life.


I hope that this helps.



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I really admire you for doing this even though it is a little painful for you. It is definitely the right thing to do and you will sleep better at night knowing that you are doing that. You are setting the right example for your kids.

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