Is there a case both dumpee/dumper too stubborn to break NC?

[baxxter]

I was just curious.

 

Was talking to my friend today, saying how much I miss him today, more than I ever missed him (on NC since BU about 2 wks ago) and she tells me to be strong and not call him.

 

Me - "Of course I won't."

Mate - "He will call you if he really wants you back."

Me - "Not sure about that. He is so stubborn, I don't think he will ever reach out unless I do it first."

 

Then I said that's good coz I need to heal first.

 

But I wondered. (Not making excuses here) is there time when both parties are just so proud / stubborn / angry and they just end up doing NC forever to get back at the other?

 

Have you ever felt like that? Anyone? (Dumpees and Dumpers!)

[Sorrento]

As a dumpee - yes. I always felt that way. That I was being stubborn and that I knew them and everything pointed to them never breaking NC either.

 

But speaking from experience - EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM BROKE IT EVENTUALLY. Some years later. But they did it.

 

Be strong. If it's right, no matter how stubborn he is, he WILL call you. Go on healing and getting stronger

[Hell_On_Heels]

The dumpers always break NC? I've been hearing this a LOT lately....that my ex will contact me eventually. That can't be good news.

[pumpkinmoon]

I agree. If a man wants you back he will do everything he can.

[Sorrento]

Well, that's only my experience of things. There have been five separate exes of mine that I was positive would not come back and that it was done. And each one of them came back. I didn't take any of them back, which tells you about how far I had come from the intial instigation of NC.

 

Obviously it's not going to be true for everyone. It depends on individual circumstances, why the break u happened, how well the other party knows you, whether it was an emotional split-second decision or not. the list goes on.

 

What I do know is, I have recovered. Even when I felt I would never go on, I somehow did. And by the time I did, it didn't actually matter to me that they came back.

[pumpkinmoon]

The dumpers always break NC? I've been hearing this a LOT lately....that my ex will contact me eventually. That can't be good news.

 

And same here. I never want to hear from him again! Should have ridded myself of that piece of rubbish in my life years ago.

[Hell_On_Heels]

LOL @ shoe fairy.

Oh, I don't think mine will contact me, ever. But if he did, it wouldn't be for any kind of apology or reconciliation. I doubt we would even want to be friends at this point.

It's just a scary thought.

[pumpkinmoon]

LOL @ shoe fairy.

Oh, I don't think mine will contact me, ever. But if he did, it wouldn't be for any kind of apology or reconciliation. I doubt we would even want to be friends at this point.

It's just a scary thought.

 

I think when they do contact, it's usually out of guilt, or feeling like they have been forgotten. The last time he left me he sent me an apology email 2 months later and we kinda got back together from there. Just happened and it appears now it was the biggest mistake of my life.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I agree. If a man wants you back he will do everything he can.

 

yeah, i agree. stubborness won't stop him if that's what he decides.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Well, that's only my experience of things. There have been five separate exes of mine that I was positive would not come back and that it was done. And each one of them came back. I didn't take any of them back, which tells you about how far I had come from the intial instigation of NC.

 

Obviously it's not going to be true for everyone. It depends on individual circumstances, why the break u happened, how well the other party knows you, whether it was an emotional split-second decision or not. the list goes on.

 

What I do know is, I have recovered. Even when I felt I would never go on, I somehow did. And by the time I did, it didn't actually matter to me that they came back.

 

im just really curious... how long were you in NC with each of them before they contacted you again? Did any of them just want friendship or did they all want to get back together?

[okiedokiestomp]

I agree. If a man wants you back he will do everything he can.

 

just curious about this quote, now from a woman's perspective...what about the woman dumper? will she too do everything she can if she wants you back especially if she is the one who ended things? curious more from a role perspective..b/c it seems that some women feel it is the man's place to make the effort even if they are the one responsible for the b/u...

[baxxter]

Hey! Stop using my thread for your campaign!!

(boo boo)

 

Actually, all my exes did come back. I just am not sure about the latest guy.

 

In my experiences ex always came back when I was not in touch with them.

Most of them wanted to just wanted to bonus nights, and the rest pretended they did want to get back together, but in fact just wanted bonus nights.

 

They came back after 4 - 6 months. They keep coming back every 4 - 6 months, for years. (Not hooking up with any, before you ask.)

[pumpkinmoon]

just curious about this quote, now from a woman's perspective...what about the woman dumper? will she too do everything she can if she wants you back especially if she is the one who ended things? curious more from a role perspective..b/c it seems that some women feel it is the man's place to make the effort even if they are the one responsible for the b/u...

 

I've never dumped someone and tried to get them back. I may get blasted for this, but I think when a women ends a relationship, she has given it a lot more thought than a man would and she is more sure of her decision. I think men are more impulsive and just do what they think is right in the short term.

 

If you take a look around ENA at previous posts there are lots of posts by men who realise they made a mistake compared to similar posts from women.

 

But I do think if a woman genuinely wanted someone back who they dumped they would try, but would be more inclined to give up more quickly if her efforts failed to work.

 

I have learnt my lesson though to never take someone back who leaves again!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

ive only been in 2 relationships before and neither of them have come back... One was 4.5 years (its been 5 years since then) and he has never reached out to me. The other was 3.5 years and it's been 8 months and he has never reached out to me.

 

I think the longer the relationship, the less likely they are to reach out. I really dont think either of these two guys would ever contact me for a FWB kind of situation.. but that's just based on my experience with only 2 relationships, so I guess that's not really much to go off.

 

Has anyone found the same thing though? the longer the relationship, the less likely they are to contact you again?

[baxxter]

In my case they came back because I am a push-over.

 

They treated me like dirt, and never complained when they wanted to go off fxxx other girls, and never went after them. They thought I wasn't mad at them, I guess.

 

I agree with shoe fairy, I think men are more impulsive. (My latest ex said he thought about it for 2 days and decided to break up. 2 days?????)

[Eddie37]

My ex-wife left me 6 years ago. She's never attempted to contact me.

[Hell_On_Heels]

I agree that men are more impulsive about it. Women tend to think long and hard about relationships - at all stages. We get a lot of flak for this (wry grin).

 

My ex was super impulsive, and had no filters whatsoever. Now I don't believe what he said unless he said it more than once. But...he's also determined to despise me and has done a great job of making me into a monster. I seriously doubt he would ever contact me, in spite of being married.

 

And really, that's fine with me. What could he possibly say that I would want to hear?

[Live-N-Learn]

I was positive my ex who dumped me would never reach out to me once I announced NC. Not because she is stubborn but because she was respecting my request. Well she broke it 3 times in 10 weeks.

[Psychomagnet]

I'm a male and every single ex I have ever had has contacted me at some point, more quickly the one's who dumped me. Usually it's trivial contact, in some instances it wasn't. Total NC was key.

Either way it was exactly the moment I had moved on...and/or not had them in my head anymore. I had reached total indifference by then.

 

"There's the rub!" - Swingers

[peanutbutterandjelly]

I'm a male and every single ex I have ever had has contacted me at some point, more quickly the one's who dumped me. Usually it's trivial contact, in some instances it wasn't. Total NC was key.

Either way it was exactly the moment I had moved on...and/or not had them in my head anymore. I had reached total indifference by then.

 

"There's the rub!" - Swingers

 

how long until they made contact? Months? years?

[hater13]

lol i think most cases are like this

[hater13]

In my case they came back because I am a push-over.

 

They treated me like dirt, and never complained when they wanted to go off fxxx other girls, and never went after them. They thought I wasn't mad at them, I guess.

 

I agree with shoe fairy, I think men are more impulsive. (My latest ex said he thought about it for 2 days and decided to break up. 2 days?????)

 

LOL!! that's what my ex did as well. He'd been thinking about it for "a couple of days".

 

idiot

[abigheart]

I don't know if stubbornness and respect can kind of be intertwined (haha maybe not) but I think mostly out of respect, my ex is not contacting me. I don't hate him. In fact, sometimes I wish I could grow a pair of apathetic balls and go through with contact without feeling any post-pain or sadness from any form of contact.

 

But alas that is not the case. Hardly ever.

 

At this point, since I broke NC a few times, I have too much pride and stubbornness myself to reach out...I want to keep my word this time around and really make an effort to move on.

 

I have a feeling my ex will not contact me for awhile and vice versa heh. I don't want to know when but I hope when he does, I'll have already reached a point where I don't give a crap anymore.

[Sorrento]

im just really curious... how long were you in NC with each of them before they contacted you again? Did any of them just want friendship or did they all want to get back together?

 

The first love it took two years for him to come back properly (he tried before that but I was still hurting). He said he'd made a mistake etc, but by that point I was indifferent and didn't want to open it all up again.

 

The next couple of exes came back very quickly. I didn't get together with them because they had either "got confused" regarding their ex or had cheated. I think that was mostly because they thought they could have better with the ex/other woman and then when there were hiccups in that relationship, they thought about me. Those are mostly to do with their issues and I was too hurt and angry to even consider them.

 

The latest ex, to be honest, I'm not sure if he did try and come back. It was three months and he started sending apologies via text and email, tried reaching out via friends etc. But I will never know if that was because he wanted to try again or not because he was already in another relationship (they got together when we were trying to work things out in the end).

[baxxter]

Sorrento,

 

So he did contact you.

 

For whatever the reason it's nice when they say, "It really wasn't you, it was me, sorry."? One of my ex did that, and although I still hate him to death it made me feel better a little bit.

 

My latest ex broke up with me once before, and came back after I wrote him a closure/thank you/sorry email. He said that was THE reason he came back, and I wondered then that if I did NC did he still reach out?

 

I am doing NC this time because he left, saying he felt stifled. Sounds like he ran away from me, so I have no desired to run after hims, to chase him away. I still hope he will be unstifled, but I just want to heal more than anything!