Lonely and Upset

[WomanWriter]

I am so lonely tonight. It's Friday night on the 4th of July weekend and I should have been with B. We were supposed to go to the fair and see a concert. I am crushed knowing he is out with some young chick. It really was he was trying to prove that he wanted me back by making the changes we needed. He was taking communication skills, eating right, losing weight, biking, and cleaned himself up. We were supposed to go to the doctor on Monday. I was being suppoetive of him. But he ditched me, so whether or not I deserved it as a girlfriend, I didn't deserve the way he treated me as a fiend. Because he ditched our plans without telling me and then lied to me.

 

I remember the fun things we did like---

 

biking. He came with me to buy matching bikes. I even convinced him to get a helmet even though he thought it was dorky. We would ride to the river or pick up his friend and ride around town.

 

going out to eat. We had fun going to dinner and chatting about what was going on at church, about our hobbies, joking, laughing, talking about life. Even if he wasn't very intellectual, he made me smile and laugh often. The best time was when we went to Hometown Buffet. He took my hand from accross the table and got tears in his eyes. He told me he was so content that he always wanted to remember that day and he told me he loved me. He was trembling.

 

haircuts. I loved being able to cut his hair. I felt really close to him and turned on. He liked it too. We were going to get him a cape.

 

church---holding hands in the pews was nice. I'll miss that. Seeing him in the choir when he'd be looking at me and smiling was also something I'll miss now that he's no longer in choir.

 

teaching the youth---it was nice planning lessons, learning how to discipline the bratty kids, going to the meetings. That's sad he won't be teaching the youth. One boy looked up to him. I am hurting.

 

board games---I'll miss the fun we had playing games.

 

bowling---the best was when we wore our matching best friend shirts and the lady at the snackbar took a pic of us. We danced in the bowling lane when a slow song came on and no one else was around. We stuffed our faces with chicken strips and he said no more because he didn't want to be irresponsible.

 

 

pool--he showed me how to play. We looked like nerds in our Sesame Street shirts but people gave us thumbs up and told us not to "quit the street." We kicked the other team's butt and it was just our first time. He sat on my lap on the stool and I held him around his back and leaned on him.

 

Shopping---you got some shirts I recommended and asked for more advice. We got some toietries, we looked at housewhere and argued about which styles were better. We sat in the food court talking.

 

the picnic on the wet lawn on the busy street--we sat on the wet lawn as it saturated our butts with water and it looked like we peed our pants. I bit into a beef stick and broke part of my tooth.

 

sanding the piano--I helped him sand the old piano at church, then we had lunch

 

making necklaces--we bought little bottles and wrote each other Bible verses to put inside the bottles. We put them with crosses around our necks.

 

Walking at the lake---he couldn't keep up but he did it for me

 

counseling---he accompanied me to the hospital to make an appointment. we couldn't get in so we went out to lunch on a weekday

 

thrift shop---we fought because he wanted to change the price tags

 

the hospital--i went with him so he could get help for his Diabetes. He was interned and put on an IV. I was there with him and he cried because he said he never loved anyone like at that moment.

 

picking me up at the subway--he met me on Friday afternoons and we'd walk to his house for movies, dinner, and cuddling...and maybe a haircut : )

 

holding me and rocking me like a baby---I wanted some cuddling so he took me very close, cradled me accross his lap and rocked me like a mother rocks her baby. He rubbed my hair and told me he loved me and rubbed his face against my cheek. He said "I want to melt into you and be one."

 

bunk beds at the ranch---we slept together in bunk beds with his dad when we went to his family's ranch. We spent a long week together taking walks down the highway, visiting fruit orchards, and looking at the stars. He tried to investigate some bee hives. We talked to his relatives about Jesus.

 

the dog--I'll miss him. I loved that guy.

 

the rain---walking in the rain close together

 

the hand thing---very sad to lose our special best friend handshake..he specifically used to slap my hand and do some special thing because he knew my ex fiance didn't like to do it with me.

 

kissing my special spot on my face...kissing my birthmark...and all the other special spots, rubbing my tummy.

 

the Christmas and Valentines parties at church

 

Valentines evening---the candles, roses, dinner, shower, pictures.... the first time he said he loved me when I farted at church and hugged me

 

Game shows in the sanctuary

 

praying together over the times we'd mess up...asking God for help together

 

tonight---when his dad called, talking about how he needed intervention and prayer

 

We had some good times, B....my lost friend who Satan has stolen. I pray in Jesus' name along with your dad, sister,and our whole church that you come back to life. Come back and be healed.

[TurtleDove12]

You can remember the fun things. Was it all fun? Did it not suck at times?

 

Do you believe that someone who rejects you accepts Satan? I'm a little confused by that.

 

You're pretty sentimental, and you care. And I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It's not easy.

 

Do not forget the bad times. They are important. If you dwell in the past on the good times, recovery will seem almost impossible.

[luminousone]

It sounds like you had such a close relationship with him.

 

But please do remember that sometimes things work out for the best. Maybe God has someone even better for you.

 

Just say to yourself this: Good things are around the corner for me, and I am ready to receive them.

 

It is better not to pray for a specific person, but best to pray for a stable relationship with a man who is stable, (and in your case close to God?), honest, mature, committed, and ready for the next step. God knows the bigger picture and may have a different life in store for your ex, or even for you... Let go, and lift it up to God. All will be well, in time, just trust...

[Celadon]

I'm sorry you're going through this, WW. It does sound like you were very close. I agree with previous posters -- you had both good and bad times, and sometimes it helps to think about both.

 

I also did creative things with an ex bf, and I missed that when we broke up. But he also was secretive and disrespectful. It wasn't going to be the best relationship for me in the long-run.

[Ellie2006]

I think you're trying to rewrite history.

 

I understand that you wrote your posts about things that upset you.

HOWEVER, you had nothing but negative things to say about B when you were in the relationship and suddenly, he's transformed into this sweet and nice ex whom you miss? I dont buy that.

 

This reiterates the point that several people made time and again in your numerous threads -- you liked being in a relationship, you liked the idea of having a bf, but you didnt necessarily like *him.*

 

In my humble opinion, I think you should take a cold hard look at what you really felt about this man and why you ultimately chose to break up with him.

 

 

We had some good times, B....my lost friend who Satan has stolen. I pray in Jesus' name along with your dad, sister,and our whole church that you come back to life. Come back and be healed.

 

What I quoted from your original post -- it really troubles me. It just sounds ... so judgmental and very twisted. I know you wont agree and may be offended (for which I apologize) but it just sounds very wrong. As a matter of fact, I agree with what people said in your other thread that your whole congregation -- the dynamics, overall attitude, etc. -- sounds problematic.

 

I remember you too were troubled by this church when you first joined. Maybe it's time to reassess whether or not you want to stay on or find another ? Just a thought.

[Miss Firecracker]

He's a shoplifter too. Lovely.

 

Loneliness does strange things to people. Hopefully you can find a better deal soon.

[ElectricSheep123]

 

haircuts. I loved being able to cut his hair. I felt really close to him and turned on. He liked it too. We were going to get him a cape.

 

holding me and rocking me like a baby---I wanted some cuddling so he took me very close, cradled me accross his lap and rocked me like a mother rocks her baby. He rubbed my hair and told me he loved me and rubbed his face against my cheek. He said "I want to melt into you and be one."

 

rubbing my tummy.

 

We had some good times, B....my lost friend who Satan has stolen. I pray in Jesus' name along with your dad, sister,and our whole church that you come back to life. Come back and be healed.

 

I know we're supposed to be supportive here, and not judgmental. But exactly how old are you? And that last comment.

 

 

Maybe he just doesn't want all that anymore. I certainly don't know enough to comment about that.

 

But someone told me this once, and it kinda stuck with me. It's a simple line, but it helped me:

 

"We are responsible for our own happiness."

 

Think about it...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you're trying to rewrite history.

 

I understand that you wrote your posts about things that upset you.

HOWEVER, you had nothing but negative things to say about B when you were in the relationship and suddenly, he's transformed into this sweet and nice ex whom you miss? I dont buy that.

 

This reiterates the point that several people made time and again in your numerous threads -- you liked being in a relationship, you liked the idea of having a bf, but you didnt necessarily like *him.*

 

In my humble opinion, I think you should take a cold hard look at what you really felt about this man and why you ultimately chose to break up with him.

 

 

I have to agree about this re-writing of history. Most of your threads showed how absolutely miserable you were with this guy. However I will say that I have seen plenty of posters on this forum who go on and on about how horrible their partner is and yet months later they are still with that partner making excuses for the bad behaviour...they would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship.

[doiiiieeezie]

 

praying together over the times we'd mess up...asking God for help together

 

tonight---when his dad called, talking about how he needed intervention and prayer

 

We had some good times, B....my lost friend who Satan has stolen. I pray in Jesus' name along with your dad, sister,and our whole church that you come back to life. Come back and be healed.

 

I erased the rest (because I had read about numerous complaints from you about this man over the months... and we told you to dump him if you were that unhappy) and I am pointing to this disturbance. As a believer myself (not getting into a religious debate here), I find that when people do not follow the way of their church doctorine, they are seen as sinners who need to be redeemed like the lost son.

 

The reality is that this man who you like to pick apart at is most likely trying to get together without you around. If he is older than you, the interaction between to what he has done in his life and yourself is no longer anyone's concern.. especially yours. After all, he made you sick, right? Sexually abused you? Didn't brush his teeth or hair? And from what you have described above, the "relationship" you two had was more of a mother/son dynamic. So now that you have dumped him, he has begun to do things for himself and that has attracted someone else who most likely does not pick on him as much. This bothers you because you are no longer in control, and the sad fact is that he does not want to be with you. As a former dumpee, you should know that the last thing you'd want is to be stringed along Now you can play along with the drama for a while and pray with the mass hoard of sheeple there, or you can do what is healthy and right for you.

 

I'm sorry if I came off as being harsh and you probably won't like what I had to say. But in understanding of love, the role of truth needs to come out, for it is better to stand your ground and not be popular than it is to agree and then stab someone in the back. You seem to be a person that can be better than everything that is happening within that inner circle. Stand up and move forward.

[Miss Firecracker]

This was a Fix and Flip project. You did a good job with him.