I feel so alone...

[AN]

I'm currently living out my senior year at highschool and came to realize I have no real friends. I've been short all my life and now standing at 5'5" with a very bad complexion from years of severe acne. I hear people always complaining about being so fat and ugly but in my case I'm too small. I'm approximately 105lbs with very thin and small bones; I can't gain weight. I lost what some would call friends after I decided to quit online games. I have a bright face and girls do look at me...that is until they come up close. My acne is going away but my nose is severly scared from 5 years of the horrible disease.

 

I can't play any sports because I get hurt easily.

I quit games to raise my gpa but that cost me all my buddies.

I'm not very inttelligent so no one ask anything of me.

I can't talk to girls because I'm very self-conscious about the scars on my nose.

I've just lost my car in an accident that was my fault.

I come to school 20 minutes before (because of the bus) the bell ring and sitting alone in class realizing I have no one to talk to.

I have no group to hang out with or no buddy to meet during school break.

I developped a daily routine to kill time but I feel like such a loser.

And I find myself with nothing to do after school is over and no one to hang out with.

 

I feel so alone...Prom is coming in 2 months and that's not helping either. I feel so bad all the girls are bigger than me, if not taller. I see those 6'3 / 240lbs guys and I envy them so much, if only I could be like them, I would have atleast one friend. Out of 1200 kids in my school, I don't think 99% of them realizes my existence.

 

It's very suprising to me that when I do manage to make a friend, they turn out to be very popular. Most of my them are good looking and tall people and each have their own groupie. I'm constantly excluded and ignored when someone they know walks up. I can't make friends with my new friend's friend and after a while I just give up and returned my new friend to his group and we never speak again...only the occasional Hello or Hi in the hall.

 

Everyone has a freakin date except me because my standards are too high, I can't help it, I just can't picture myself enjoying a kiss from someone I'm not attracted to. And I can't freakin end that last sentence w/o a preposition and still make my point.

 

I hate myself so much for becoming this way. I dont' know how I got to be like this but I hate a lot of things in life.

 

I hate myself the most.

I hate ugly girls who thinks they are the hottest thing walking planet earth.

Fat ugly chicks who wears tights.

That bastard who hit my car even though it's my fault.

Everyone who pushed me around because I'm smaller.

Loud ass conversations about masturbation.

6'3 faggots who always gets all the attention

Smart, attractive and atlethic people...damn you Billy.

Even though Billy is my friend, we never hang out because I'm a ***in loser.

People calling and saying "Hey Alex....nevermind."

My weak social status.

The sound of Helen Bui's voice.

My ***in nose!

The fact that I've never kissed a girl.

I can't remember the last time I smiled or spoken to a girl.

The damn school bus.

 

Life is precious and I understand that, but why me? I just finished watching American Idol and I'm feeling even worse after hearing Clay Aiken sang "I must have been wishing on someone else's star."

 

Life w/o a friend is so meaningless, I can't understand why everyone here is complaining. Everyone on this damn forum I've read so far is dating and has someone to hug when they're sad or happy. I've got no one, I don't have have a pet becuase we're poor and have no room for a dog. I hate fish because it requires too much maintinence and birds because they're so damn loud. I'm not happy, a victim of sexual neglect. I have self hatred and probably omitting a very depressing vibe to the people around me.

 

I have a fear of knives and objects that could hurt me. Everytime see a knife in a dangerous place or get near one, I just have to move it or hide it. I keep getting flashes in my head animating me cutting off one of my fingers or my whole hand. Maybe it's a phobia but I put myself in very safe places and never do anything risky or dangerous.

 

I'm 18 now and I hate myself and life so much and the fact that I cant' commit suicide.

 

I'm afraid of knives.

Suffication looks too painful.

I don't know how to get a gun, even if I did i'll probably chicken out and accidentally hurt someone I love.

Jumping in front of a car or down something may result in serious injuries to near death experiences and not actually dying.

 

I always think of the worst scenerios when doing things and I hate myself for always being a day late and a dollar short. The whole world is against me and I'm probably one of the unlickiest guy in the history of the world. I would go to consouling but I dont' want my family to know it. I act like I do have friends to them and that I love life to make them happy but I can't keep faking what is not there. I don't know who to do anymore. I just feel so alone...

[Gilgamesh]

hello

 

Well you do have a lot of issues, and everyone has insecurities everyone! some have more than others, but we all have them, we all have something we cant stand about ourselfs, im 40 and last year I put braces on my teeth! I had a mouth that was long and narrow, like a small dogs, but now its fixed. I used to weigh 212 pounds, but went on a diet, and started riding bikes and hiking, and also the Gym, now iam slim and in pretty good shape.

 

Your depression comes from your low self esteem, your friends or lack of them, has nothing to do with your looks, or hight, its your negative attitude, I have friends that are every size and shape, race and color, my friends are my friends because of who they are not what they are.

 

My first recommendation is to get into the Gym, yep! get into weight lifting, with your frame. youll be big in no time, lifting weights increases bone mass, puts on muscle, increases self esteem, releases some beneficial hormones. Arnold was a skinny geek that all the kids made fun of in Austria, look where he is now! you need to feel good about your self in something, picj something and do it, be the best you can be in it.

 

Once your a little more confident in your self and not so self conscience about your looks, people wont mind having you around, and if some immature idiot makes a joke or smart ass remark, its because he has insecurities that he wants to draw attention from.

 

Did you ever see that movie, "The Breakfast Club" take a look at that, its really a message of everyones insecurities and how different people deal with them.

 

You are in charge of your life, you need to start counting on yourself first, take up something you like, and become good at it. everyone is good at something you just need to find out what it is.

 

And please do go to counseling, there are plenty orgs that will keep everything confidential, so your parents dont need to find out.

 

take care!

[cookies]

ya, i hafta agree with every point that G made,...everybody has insecurities to some extent,...and its our attitudes in how we deal with it, is what helps us maintain or gain confidence and even friends. You can have friends, if you try a little harder. PPl are drawn to happy ppl and smiles. Friends look past physical imperfections and like you for the person you are, and its your personality that draws ppl to you, or push them away.

 

Counseling is always a good thing for someone, especially your age because a professional can give you the right information that you can use as tools immediately and you will see almost an instant difference in how ppl react to the "new" you. It will still be the same you, but you are supressing your true personality by the anger you are bringing forth. Your anger and insecurities are holding the REAL you hostage...

 

Dont worry about what other ppl look like, and stop comparing yourself to other guys heights, etc...you are still young sweetie, and theres hope that you may still grow to be around 5ft11inches until you are 21 (if im correct), so drop that thought like a bad habit. Become more physically active to let your abilities shine, ppl will notice you for what you can do, versus what you are not allowing yourself to get involved in.

 

last thing,...the scars on your nose/face. Hollywood ppl look perfect, because they have the money to fix their imperfections, whereas the rest of the us simply are not as fortunate, but dont stress over it. There are numerous medications that you can get from your doctor that can help fade away those spots. Im quite sure they make you feel ultimately self conscious. Talk to your mom about how this hurts your self esteem and then after she understands your sentiments, ask her if she would please buy you some "maderma" to use on those isolated spots alone. It can be bought at your local drug store, and is a non prescription cream specifically for scars. Stay out of the sun for awhile, so not to darken it. It may cost quite abit more than you expect, but its practically a miracle cream that women use to get rid of scars from injury, surgical scars and stretch marks after pregnancy that is 110 % effective. Dude!...you will be smiling again in no time. Then, Just work on a more positive attitude about life, and yourself in general, ...and you will feel like a champ...

if you want to buff up a lil, (do research and read up first to find out facts 4 urself ) but start a solid workout plan, drink protein shakes and take some creatine,...which can be found at a local GNC health food store. If you would like more info,..send me a pm...

 

It may take a moment to answer because i get quite afew private messages everyday, from ppl that browse the forums...but i will answer tho...

 

 

 

 

one final last thing ...(haha, i keep saying that)...but, please do as G suggested, and find something ur good at and master it...ok big guy?

 

 

 

cookies

[SadnLonelyGuy]

I can relate to a lot of what your'e going through. I'm 5'5" too, but I weigh

209 lbs. I have worked out for a long time. If you worked out and ate A LOT, you'd gain the weight too. Girls seem to think I'm whimpy cuz I'm short, until I beat up the guy who's 6'3" tall, 240 pounds!

 

I can see that you are bitter. I don't blame you. But on the other hand, let me tell you this:

 

I am popular. I'm not the best looking guy around, but I'd say I'm attractive. I am extremely athletic and very strong and muscular. I'm very smart (not bragging, but I'm proud).

 

GUESS WHAT? NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!

 

(I can't talk to any of my friends about what I'm going through, it's not cool and I don't want to risk losing my buddies)

 

sometimes the people that you think have it all, really don't. The one thing I can't get for the life of me, is a girlfriend. And it drives me nuts!!

 

You're not alone, most of my friends have girlfriends too. And I don't know why I can't get one.

 

Just go on with life and maby we'll someday get lucky and a girl will ask us out. Don't think about killing yourself.

 

I want a girlfriend so bad, nobody could know how bad I want one. But even if I remain single for the rest of my life, I'll never kill myself.

 

GIRLS AREN'T WORTH KILLING YOURSELF FOR, AND NOTHING IS!

 

Peace.

[michaelc20021607306449]

Well, I have the same problem...I know the pain, the anger the

sadness and frustration. Why me...why was I single out to be short and 100lbs. Why dont the girls like me?

 

And after reading all I could I still dont have the answers. I been

where you been it ok to feel the pain. I still feeling it. Every day of my

life. Some days I barely get out of bed and I have a stressful job to do and a property which needs a monthly pay cheque.

 

I guess some people got the lucky breaks. I wasnt one of them when it came to the girls. I used to feel completely alone until I found out other people had the strength to talk about their problems here.

 

I do have one bit of advice which is going to be very useful. called HOPE.

Now I've been depressed and still am... I find it really hard to pick myself up. When you down it so hard to go up with that thing called HOPE.

 

That thing called hope is a powerful thing. It the thing that keeps me from falling down. I had a rough time in life believe me. Every thing you said I can relate to 150%.

 

But it important to remember that somewhere out there someone need YOU. Its true. I dont have a girlfriend and I dont have any luck in my hometown. But I am a member of a dating site and I get hits. Man they

are pretty too, but they like in the US and It too far. The point is somewhere a girl out there needs me. Its a matter of remembering that and finding someone who appreciates YOU. I found this out the hard way.

Letting go of all the **** in my life and saying WTF. This aint going to get to me.

 

It easy to feel that it all hopeless when you stuck in the thick of it. In fact

today after reading you post I remembered, we are all trying to get out of that lonely place we dont like and are in. I had a very high intellect and I get frustrated I can get out of my ****. But that the point I'm in it too. Keep your self in the I got hope category. So dont feel bad. I'm there too so are load of other people.

 

In the mean time find something that you like to do and focus on that.

 

Peace

[prelude93]

Hey....I use to be just like you when I moved to where I am now. I had no friends, people talked to me though, but I was to shy to go hang around them. I spent about 10 weeks without doing anything with friends, I was really depressed but I didn't let my mom know and lied to her and said i had lots of friends at school.

 

I have friends now, not a whole lot of friends but I have friends, I also have a girlfriend (my first g/f). I'm 17, I can't say im poor, I gotta a really nice car, but a nice car isn't everything.

 

How I got my friends...well I had a guy I talked to in my math class and I saw him at lunch one day...so i decided to go sit down and talk to him and started chating and now I'm friends with all his friends and my g/f is in that group...I'm can't say im ugly (I never thought i was attractive but my g/f thinks I'm really hot, she is really hot, and I always notice girls checking me out in the halls at school) I'm like 5' 10-11" and weight a 150 lbs. I use to play online games like you but I quit.

 

My advice to you is just start talking to someone in class, just as simple as asking a question about something in class, make fun of the teacher, or find something wrong with someone that is funny and tell it to someone (I know thats mean but try it), if you make people laugh they will like you. If someone picks on you stick up for yourself, make the crowd say "oooo" or whateva (I really never have been picked on much in my life even when i was really fat, i mean really fat).

 

Well good luck I hope you make some friends, and just go up to a girl you think is attractive and ask her to the prom even if you think you have 0% chance, you sound like your life really sucks (sorry if I'm blunt, my g/f says im really blunt sometimes) and getting rejected shouldn't be so bad...keep asking till u get a date to prom.

 

Hope my info helped...just don't go killing yourself...you have a family that loves you and you wouldn't be doing yourself any favors.

 

Good Luck.

[AN]

I use to drive a 94 Honda Accord Lx until the accident, now I take the bus. I just don't know what I will do at prom, I have no one to hang out with and would look like such a loser.

[Kate99]

 

Well, I have read so many posts on here, especially from one eighteen year old boy who is very confused. I understand this confusion. I have been there. I am now in university and still grappling with many things. I may not particularily know what it is that affects you so, however I have felt alone often. I mean, what are friends really? I have people around me and yet I feel so alone, there is a difference. The only thing that can help anyone who is depressed is time and self analization. I have depression and have been so for about five years now. It is difficult and you seem to feel like there is nothing, that you hate yourself, but you are too weak to kill yourself. I have felt this. Trust me. I wanted to die sometimes, I wanted to not die, but not live either. I was so confused and pissed about myself and the world. Time makes things not necessarily better, but you get more comfortable in your own skin, even if you do not know exactly what that is.

 

I have so much love for people and the world which I depsize and it feels like no onecares about me as much as I do them. Ever feel like that? Life is for the pretty ones. I have gained 100 pounds since my depression diagnosis, and it is not easy. Life is life.

[Kate99]

HEY GUYS!!!

 

Why don't you ask yourself why it is that you want a girlfriend so desperately? Is it ragin' horomones? Or are you seeking some sort of intimacy with them that you feel you do not have with your buddies? None of thatm atters when you get older-looks, who has the best looking car etc. It's all shite. I am older than most of you and none of it matters. Usually the "cool" people in highschool are not soo cool after highschool after all. Trust me. I am in university now, and life is well, different. Trust me boys, when people start to grow up...(ie. around 20 or so..lol) none of that petty stuff matters. People start looking at people as people and not as commodities.