Bf may have to get a roommate

[Fudgie]

Money has been a little tight for my boyfriend and he's considering renting out the extra bedroom temporarily to get some money.

 

He put out his ad and a 20-something year old female answered. I'm not sure how I feel about this. He's currently waiting for more offers though - he's iffy on her offer. He was very open and told me that nothing would happen because he's hoping she'll be gone a lot of the time and when she is there, she will stay in the room (there's a TV). He's not allowing guests, alcohol, smoking, or pets. It would only be for a few months.

 

He's not the type to cheat/lie, I'm not worried about that. I guess I'm just worried maybe he'll hang out with her and get feelings for her so he'll leave me.

 

Am I stupid for being worried? I don't want to tell him "no don't do this" because he needs the money. He told me if I didn't like it, he wouldn't do it but I feel it's wrong of me for him to suffer financially just because of my insecurity.

 

He's 58 and I'm 20, btw. I'm also worried about staying at his house if there's a total stranger in there. I don't want him/her to know anything about me.

[Sanesoul]

To be honest, I don't think you will have much to worry about. He won't get many takers with the restrictions he has and the very temporary time frame.

[rose2summer]

You're young 20 and he's 58, isn't that a huge age gap?

 

I read your previous posts about wanting to go to medical school, how can he fit into this picture? What if you end up out of state? Is this a distraction for you?

 

I am in my final year of medical school and it's brutal to have any relationships because no one seems to understand the never being home and the overnight shifts on weekends. Is this man worth the sacrifices and insecurities?

 

Hugs, Rose

[sophie274]

I think the restriction on no guests over at any time is going to be a real hardship for him to find a roommate. That is a BIG imposition on someone - to never have friends over over the course of several months. Also might be hard to get someone if he makes it clear he expects the roommate to be gone all the time - no one wants to rent where they are not wanted. It's not the point of your posted q, but he might want to make peace with the fact that's he's getting a roommate, and he can't have his cake and eat it too, ie get the money of the roommate's rent but never see the roomie!

 

If you trust your boyfriend, you don't have much to worry about. Doesn't sound like he really plans on socializing with the roomie anyway! I've dated men with female roommates and never felt threatened, and I've had friends with male roommates and there was NOTHING going on for sure. It probably won't be possible for her not to know about you, and if you feel confident in your relationship I don't see why you should hide from her.

[Fudgie]

Yes Rose, it's a big gap.

 

I know my bf and I can handle it. We are LDR when I am at college because I am out of state. We've been together for over a year now.

He's very understanding, not needy, and we handle the distance well. Sexual desires isn't a problem when I'm gone because he (and I) have none due to meds. So yeah, we're okay.

 

He's drama-free and is very understanding and secure. We've talked about it and he is okay with waiting for me. I find it easier to have a LDR bf when I'm at school because I don't have any "late nights" with him or have to go out on dates. Sure, we miss each other, but it's not a big deal because we have ways of keeping in touch. I've never worried about trusting him.

 

Yes, he's very picky about roommates. He's a shut-in himself so I think he thinks it's normal to be one. *giggles*

[Cognitive_Canine]

I've lived with 5 guys at one point (and another girl). There was no temptation. None.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[I_Speak_Jive]

Honey, no.

 

I am somewhat of a fan of your relationship here --from your descriptions you both sound like a very unique couple and I really like all that variety-- but precisely because you two are so unique, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

 

For what I remember, he has a very, very low libido and is a proud introvert --which means no smoochy koochy. And also he has a hot 20 year old girlfriend already, so again, no smoochy koochy.

 

One thing though: if he has never had a roommate before, it may require a slight attitude change. I don't mean to imply he is being an arse with all those requirements --after all, it's his place and it's up to him to set the conditions he wants. But I remember when I moved to Toronto and started searching for a room, some of the ads were basically not really advertising for a roommate, but for a monthly rent check with as little human attached as possible. People asking for no visitors, no noise, no loitering in the living room, no hogging the bathroom, no homebodies who spend "too much time" at home... I was like, hell, why don't I just wire you 500 dollars a month from the distance instead?

 

Just as long as you two remember that you won't be doing the lodger any favours by renting him/her the room, but rather that you are in a mutually beneficial, symbotic relationship, you'll be just fine.

[Fudgie]

Thanks for all the advice/kind words, guys. I feel much better. Talking to him has also helped a bit because he eased my worries.

 

I have to admit - he's very particular about things, perhaps a bit much so! I do think that his "rules" will keep away potential roommates. It's not even so much the "no guests bit" but he's extremely neat and when people put things out of place, he can get a little cross. He says "when you get older, you become set in your ways." No kidding! I laugh it off but I don't know how a potential roommate will take it. I think they may think he's being an arse.

 

He sent the potential roommate an email last night. It had a lot of his "preferences" in it (uh oh) and she hasn't responded back. He's still keeping the ad up. We'll see what happens.

[Fudgie]

Update:

 

It's been several days and we haven't heard anything from the girl, or anyone else for that matter. I have a hunch that his email to her about his "rules" may have scared her off.

 

He doesn't seem too worried though. Now he's feeling that "I'll be okay if I get one or not". I told him that if he wants to get a roommate, he can't be such a hard arse with the rules...HE may not have friends over, drink alcohol, make noise, but others will.

 

Ah well.