Competition in same sex relationships

[lauren224]

Hey -

I'd like to thank you in advance for reading this. And if you have any thoughts, I could really use some advice.

 

I've been in a relationship with my beautiful girlfriend for well over a year now. I am in love and I don't want it to end anytime soon.

 

I used to think it was so great not having to try and bridge the gender gap. We understand each other so well, partially because we're both female. But both being relatively young and attractive girls in a relationship with each other has created a problem, a competition of sorts. We're ooth constantly worried about our weight. Neither of us is by any means fat (we both weigh under 120), its just an obsession of ours, typical of most 20 year old college girls.

 

The problem is: I weigh 10 pounds less than she does and it kills her. She feels like she can't keep up, she's not as good as me, she's fat. She doesn't want to have sex anymore because she doesn't like being naked in front of me. Every time I look at her I know that my presense is hurting her because she feels overweight next to me.

 

What can we do? I can't stop working out and put on 10 pounds to even it out - and I shouldn't have to (or should i?). I don't want to break up, but she's not getting any better.

 

If anyone has experienced this before, I'd love to talk to you. Thanks for reading.

 

Lauren

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

In any relationship each party is never the same weight wise. It has nothing to do with gender. More than likely she's little more self conscience and concerned about her weight. When people become overly concerned about their weight, they are not secure about showing off a body. I live in Florida where everyone gets all pumped up in the summer season about going to the beach, while those who have put on weight get really depressed at the thought of putting on a bikini.

 

You said she is the love of your life, so why don't you give her a wake up call (in a really nice suddle way) and like kind of drag her to your work-outs. And afterward, let her know how much more you enjoy it when she is with you. Don't let this come between you two.

 

Love is hard to find don't let a few extra punds be more than it is, a few extra pounds.

 

Good Luck

 

Kuhl

8)

[Hannibal]

If she wont come to work out with you then you could always lie and say that you weigh those extra 10 pounds. This way you don't really have the extra pounds but she thinks that you do, so you're both happy.

[johnagent1911]

Is she taller? Maybe she's a little taller than you?

[Trancewho]

hiii,

Well i believe that the only person who can solve this problem is YOU..

U have to remind her that u love her just the way she is..that u dont care about her weight..dont mind at all...All that matters is love between u and her..

You r the one who can change her mind and make her feel comfortable..

U have to find the ways...(dont ask how)..u know her better...

 

I hope by th time u read this everything to be settled...

 

i Wish u a nice trip in the road of life...

[wellswomyn]

Hey Lauren, I'm in a similar situation. My partner and I are about the same size, only she looks thinner but I weigh less. I guess that evens us out a little bit, but we still have a habit of obsessing about our weight (she more than i). She stopped wanting to have sex for a long time because she was too uncomfortable with her body. Some things we have done to feel better are:

Eat healthier food

Go bike riding together

Agree not to talk about weight issues for two weeks straight

 

The last one really helped a lot. I think that for a lot of women, worrying about body image becomes a habit. The trick is to break the habit. Have either of you read "The Body Project"? I think it is by Joan Jacobs Brumberg. Have a read... it will help you put body image in perspective. I sometimes feel that as a feminist lesbian I have a responsibility NOT to obsess over my weight, but that is much easier said than done considering all the media images of anorexic women. But that's a whole other can of worms...

 

Be open and honest with her. Find out what she would need to do in order to feel comfortable enough to be intimate. Maybe leave all the lights off, and let her leave a shirt on.

 

pm me if you need to talk.