Is he playing me?

[VtecQueen]

I've been talking to this guy for a little over 3 months now. We get along really well and we hang out a lot! When we are together things seem to be going GREAT! However when we are not in the same room he barely talks to me. Like some days he won't say 2 words to me!!

 

We had a talk about being exclusive and we both said we were dating other people, but we really like eachother. I was willing to drop the other people but apparently he has to "get back to me on that". He tells me he likes me all the time, and he's even said he wants to go further with me. BUT we barely talk!! And he has to get back to me on being exclusive.

 

Now I'm not saying talk all day every day, I live a busy life as does he. But I'm just trying to understand if what he says is true or does it seem like he's just stringing me along.

 

1 more thing. He always has an excuse as to why we can't hang out on the weekend. He has used "have a cold" twice now. I'm thinking he has some unfinished busines with some other girl, and that's holding him back from being exclusive. He won't say anything about it tho. I'm TRYING to be cool and let it flow, don't let him see me sweat. But I'm sweatin bullets over here!!!

[Gullible]

Listen to what he says until it stops making sense. Then look at his actions. Then look at the results. Then decide what you can do about it, because you can't make him do anything.

 

What he says: He wants to see other people besides you

 

What he does: Leaves you hanging, blows you off on the weekends

 

The results: You're into him more than he's into you. You're not happy with the situation.

 

What you can do about it: Tell him you want to continue seeing him IF he will be more considerate of you. Tell him you want straight answers and you want to know where you stand. If he doesn't change, and if you're still not happy with the situation, stop seeing him.

[HeartGoesOn]

It sounds like that "weekend cold" is another woman, or possibly a wife. Have you been invited to his residence at all?

[lavenderdove]

Eh, if he says 'he'll get back to you on that' about being exclusive, he's dating someone else for sure. And if he can't hang out with you on most weekends, then most likely SHE is his girlfriend, and you're the girl on the side.

 

I'd tell him you want to be his girlfriend and start seeing him on weekends. If he doesn't agree and start doing that, then i think he's already got a primary girlfriend and you're just his spice on the side.

[Keyman]

Technically 'playing' is when you are seeing more than one person - playing people off against each other. But effectively this is what we do in a dating experience where we are dating more than one person and are not exclusive.

 

You asked to be exclusive, he said he would get back to you on that, which means he is not ready at present to be exclusive just with you or else he would have agreed - and hopefully dumped the other girls. But he has not agreed to be exclusive, so in my mind he is not doing anything bad or wrong.

 

If YOU want to be exclusive, you need to decide if he is worth waiting for. Ask him again that you would like to be exclusive and if he again says "he will get back to you on that" then stop seeing him as he is obviously more interested in someone else, and is hoping to get something happening there.

[VtecQueen]

I had a talk with him on Sunday about how he says he likes me but he doesn't act like it when we're not together. He told me "I'm serious about everything I say to you. I really like you a lot and I really want to go further with you" word for word. But he doesn't say 2 words to me all Monday!!!! But texts me this morning "good morning beautiful" and later tells me "hopefully we can see eachother before the weekend"

 

I guess I could make my demands. But maybe I should try to see what happens to him this weekend or see what he does about seeing me this week before I say something.

 

I'm 98% sure another girl is involved but idk what she is to him. He tells me he's single had has no gf so....idk at this point. I just don't want to be taken for a ride and end up hurt cuz I believe what he tells me. I'm confused. I don't wanna be a side chick.

[IntotheWild]

Hmm... look for loose earrings in the floorboards of his pick-up

[VtecQueen]

Question for keyman:

 

If he's not doing anything wrong now while we are dating. If we become exclusive is he gonna beef up talking to me? Since its cool we don't talk much while dating now, when we are exclusive is the talking gonna be the same?

 

When my ex and I were dating we talked all the time. I thought that's what ppl do when they like eachother.

[Keyman]

If he's not doing anything wrong now while we are dating. If we become exclusive is he gonna beef up talking to me? Since its cool we don't talk much while dating now, when we are exclusive is the talking gonna be the same?

 

When my ex and I were dating we talked all the time. I thought that's what ppl do when they like eachother.

 

Hey! I think if you ask him again and he says you he will be exclusive, you still need to be careful for a while. If he senses he may lose you he may lie to keep you.

 

And he may not change the amount that he speaks to you. I;ve had the same, previous partners and I have chatted all day via text email etc, then others haven't liked to chat so much during the day - busy at work etc. The last girl I dated wouldn't contact me much at all, I had to do much of the chasing. She always felt distant and this would stress me. How are we supposed to start a relationship when she is distant all the time. Eventually we stopped seeing each other.

 

People communicate in different ways. He may not be a grand communicator and may even feel like he is talking to you plenty, while you are thinking he needs to talk to you more. I think you are similar to me in that you like to have a constant connection to your partner and with a low amount of communication that connection drops off - and stresses you.

 

So, I am not entirely sure what to tell you. After you have asked for exclusivity (did I just make up a word?) ask him about the communications.

[bebeblondie]

To this you should've replied "how about we see each other during the weekend"? I once dated a guy who would only ask to see me on weekdays (he claimed it was due to his work schedule, however I knew his schedule and he could've still seen me on the weekends if he really wanted to) and we were together about 3 months as well, one day he asked to see me (it was a weekday) I told him I was busy and said I was free that weekend, he said ok to getting together that Friday. Low and behold Friday came and went didn't hear from him. Needless to say I never spoke to him again.

 

The only way you're going to get anywhere is calling him out on the game he's playing. Not saying he's wrong, but what he's offering you now is clearly not good enough for you, so you need to be clear in what you want from him...and asking to see him on the weekends is not an unreasonable request.

[lavenderdove]

I think you need to focus on whether you are getting what you want out of the relationship, then try to get it. If he doesn't want to give it to you, then you have to decide whether you're willing to let it float for a while or not to see if he does come around.

 

But after 3 months, I wouldn't keep dating a guy who didn't want to be exclusive if what you want is a boyfriend. And especially if he doesn't see you weekends, because that is a very clear sign that someone else is taking up his weekend time. I mean, most people work during the week, and want to spend their weekends with a partner, and if he's not giving you 'prime time', then he sees you as marginal in his life, no matter what he tells you.

 

Why get more involved/attached with a guy who obviously is spending his prime time with someone else? He could be lying and already have a girlfriend (very common for cheaters), or not really want a steady girlfriend, or have someone else he likes better who won't commit to him fully, so he's seeing both of you to fill in the gaps.

 

So keep your eye on what you want out of a relationship, and try to work towards that. If he can't/won't give that to you, then i wouldn't invest more and more in him and get more attached if all he wants is a casual date and not a girlfriend.

[VtecQueen]

Thank you! For the input! It makes alot of sense. Phew!! So glad you are here! I'm going to have a talk with him and see what happens, but I will definitely keep you posted!!!!

[ColdasHoth]

I hate to add negative input here- but this sounds VERY similar to something I just got out of... and I just got out of it because his actions finally caught up to him and through numerous sources I discovered he was "seeing" (sleeping with) numerous people...

 

Best thing to do is to have a talk with him. when I had my talk with mine he -never gave straight answers -kept throwing disarming compliments to try and derail the situation and my attention from the subject -kept telling me "I just don't know what I want right now but I don't want you to go away" etc... perhaps some key elements you might want to be wary of while having your talk.

 

(...three days after our talk, I found out he took out and wined and dined the bartender we both work with)

[Pixiemeat]

Get rid. He's not serious about this, which you are. I've just got out of something similar - he wasn't seeing anyone else, but he never contacted me between dates, only on the day we were due to see each other. When I raised that, he'd fend me off with compliments which would really confuse me.

 

My rule of thumb is - if a guy (or girl) is into you, you shouldn't be confused by their actions. Confusion = they're not that into you. Black and white, but usually true.

[Gullible]

Confusion = they're not that into you.

 

 

 

You get confused when you believe what they say but it doesn't match up with what they do. You wonder, "Why doesn't this make sense?"

 

Because they're lying, that's why.

[Batya33]

I don't think he's playing you - he told you that he doesn't want to be exclusive with you at this time. He might be lying when he says he has a cold as an excuse for not getting together, but that doesn't mean he is "playing" you. It sounds like you two are on different wavelengths as far as what you want out of your interactions.

[VtecQueen]

Yea. Its time to let this ship sail. I haven't heard from him in 2 days. Tuesday evening was the last time we talked and its now Friday. With no word. On to the next one!! Thanks ya'll!!

[ColdasHoth]

You get confused when you believe what they say but it doesn't match up with what they do. You wonder, "Why doesn't this make sense?"

 

Because they're lying, that's why.

 

I want to blow this quote up and frame it in my living room just as a reminder every day...

[mikem]

He's seeing somebody else on the weekend. Had a similar thing happen to me. He's a 'player'. Tell him you will only see him on the weekend. Watch him back-peddle and make every excuse in the book. He'll do that, because there is someone else in the picture. There's an 'elephant under the carpet' - another chick.

 

These types really aren't worth your time...

 

There's somebody better out there for you...