What to do...

[Steven1607307306]

My wife and I when I was 18 and she was 17. The fiirst year we were together was very unhealthy because the only reason we even got together was because we did drugs together. The first year we got along so well we had the same core values/beliefs, and a common dislike to conformity. About 18 months into the relationship she secretly got a job as a stripper.

 

When I found out I was kind of mad but it paid the bills and I liked the idea that I was dating a stripper (I know...). About three months after that we had a lot of problems because when she was not working all she did was sleep. I decided to address the issue. When I confronted her about her unusual behavior she simply broke down and told me she was using heroin (which I was not cool with) and was not only stripping but prostituting herself out as well.

 

So I kicked her out of my apartment and came to the conclusion that we were not going to work this out. That's when she droppped the bomb on me...she was pregnant.

 

What the heel was I to do? Stay with her for the baby? Was the baby even mine? I can't walk out on her like my father did. So what did I do? Stayed with her, and waited to see if the baby was indeed mine.

 

So I stayed with her throughout the pregnancy completely letting go and forgiving her for everything. We both stopped using drugs and fell in love again. Our baby is born (turns out my daughter is biologically mine) and we get hitched three months later.

 

Now the problems started. She had hit me, and beat me up before but she had not since she became pregnant. After we got married she carried a huge resentment that I ruined her life by getting her pregnant and her life was now over. I figured we would stick it out and try our hardest, because I thought if we can make it through this we can make it through anything.

 

Over a year after being married and our daughter will be 2 soon, I am seriously concidering divorce. I cannot handle her beating me up. Not that I fear for my life or safety (granted she's not strong, it's that she thinks because I'm a man it's not abuse), but I'm tired of dealing with it. My daughter is becoming aware of thins that happen and I don't want her to see the violence.

 

Now I'm to the point where I don't even know if I want to try and work it out. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

 

(Sorry so long I've wanted to get that story out for a while.)

[DN]

You see a lawyer tomorrow, file for divorce and for custody of your daughter and get a restraining order.

[RedDress]

Yeah... just because you are a guy doesn't mean that it's not abuse. Her past is her past... but what if she turns on your daughter??

 

I agree that these things seldom work out AND that they are both scary and dangerous. That being said, if you really want to work things out, councilling is in order. You cannot fix this by yourselves. It's not going to get better on it's own. Staying and doing nothing is dangerous for both you and your daughter.

 

Your options are councilling or divorce. Doing nothing (or trying to talk it out or trying to fix it yourselves) are not good options.

[catfeeder]

People who hit even one person lack self-control, so there's nothing to prevent them from harming a child during a meltdown.

 

I'd see a lawyer and find out how to get the kid out of there.

[avman]

I agree with DN. For the sake of your child, you need to get out of the relationship and you must take your daughter with you.

[Steven1607307306]

Thnk you for taking the time to read my post. I will be talking to a lawyer soon, the only problem is, if I take my daughter I will not be able to afford child care. I work from 6am-2pm, so I would need to drop her off at like 4:45 if I want to get to work on time also. Any advice on that?

[avman]

Thnk you for taking the time to read my post. I will be talking to a lawyer soon, the only problem is, if I take my daughter I will not be able to afford child care. I work from 6am-2pm, so I would need to drop her off at like 4:45 if I want to get to work on time also. Any advice on that?

 

Check local churches, social services agencies, your family, friends, neighborhood daycares, etc. This is a common problem to find affordable daycare. Ask around and don't be shy.

[Catdancer]

The government also offers daycare assistance. They will pay half or a little more of your daycare bill. Also, my daycare opens up at 5 am. I that is probably a standard, so call around. I called several places and checked them out before picking one for my son.

 

You need to do something soon. See a lawyer first. Then follow their advice. Go to social services and ask for assistance. They may even be able to help you find an affordable place to live for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. And you deserve a big hug for turning your life around and taking care of your daughter.