What happened to all the good guys?

[DeenasRhino]

I like to consider myself as a good guy.

 

I never date or like a girl who I just want sex from. I couldn't care less about sex. Although I'm not a virgin and currently single now that my ex has dumped me, I would much rather go out somewhere nice than spend time in bed with her. Don't get me wrong, I like sex but I feel there are more important things you can do than that.

 

In the past year, I had sex 4 times (when I was going out with my ex). That's all. There were plenty of other opportunities to do it more than that but I did not want to.

 

Am I the last of a dying breed? Are all the nice guys dying out and being taken over by sex hungry fiends? Why are girls so willing to give it up too? What happened to the innocence of women? I don't understand.

[FathomFear]

You should be whoever you want to be. Conforming to a particular gender stereotype is not going to work out if it doesn't seem natural too you.

[LightbulbSun]

From my experience, being a gentleman is something that is definitely dying out. On one hand, there are books and movies like Twilight, which display the guy as a gentleman and romantic. On the other hand, I don't think women really take those books seriously, since (from my experience), being an old-fashioned romantic is the fastest way to turn most girls off.

 

At least girls under 30, because once they reach that age, something clicks and they realize that they've been dating all the wrong men. That happened for my sister, who dated abusive jerk after abusive jerk, and is now going out with a good guy.

 

I don't understand it, either, but IMO you're in the age bracket where, needless to say, most girls are stupid. Things will change for you in a decade, if you don't do what I've done and just withdrawal into yourself (become shy.)

[DeenasRhino]

I don't want my girl who has been with plenty of other men before me. I don't feel comfortable with that feeling.

I want someone who it natural and pure. I thought I had that in my ex and which was why we had sex in the first place. I wanted to be with her forever but now things have changed. We were our first everything and it's a shame now that she is gone.

 

She will be going to college next September far far away from me. I don't know what she will do and I probably shouldn't care but it is a terrible feeling that I hold inside of me.

[RockyRaccoon]

I think you're asking the wrong question. You asked about nice guys, but all you talked about was sex. Can someone not be a nice guy but still enjoy having sex? If you think that not wanting to have sex with your girlfriend makes you a nice guy, you're perspective is a little off.

 

If you're in a relationship with someone and you love each other, why wouldn't you want to have sex? You'll be a lot closer to your SO by being not only mentally close with each other, but physically close as well.

[bar35]

yeah, having sex only 4 times in the last year doesn't sound to me like it is indicative of being a nice guy, it sounds like you either a)don't enjoy sex b)had some relationship problems c)are really hung up on sex.

 

It's great to be a gentleman however, being nonsexual is going to drive any normal woman away, especially at your age, and for the next 30 years. Trust me when I say, you are going to want to work on that.

[DeenasRhino]

That's not really the point I am trying to get at.

 

I am talking about guys who ONLY want women for sex. They have no real intention of staying with them, only to get in their pants. They lie their way into doing it and once they find someone better, it's onto the next one.

 

Maybe I feel this way because I've seen it with my very own eyes. Some of the guys in college are just complete jerks and would f*** anything that is cute. I guess what I'm worried about and hung over is my ex as she'll be going into such a hostile environment in a few months.

[KG]

It's a very noble virtue. Be proud.

[kenshinkitten]

There are plenty of guys that would rather have relationships then just one night stands, also sometimes once a guy finds a girl he really likes that need to sleep around disappears (did with a friend of mine).

 

I do agree with bar35 though, wanting to do other stuff instead of having sex with your girlfriend is not a noble virtue. That would severely upset me and make me feel unattractive, you might want to get more into the sex part. It is a MAJOR part of a relationship.

 

I think women have always been willing to give it up, plus culture and media change so humans adapt.

 

You can't expect to find a purely innocent girl, it'd possible but don't turn away a possibly meaningful relationship because she's had a few sexual partners. She could be the one, you could be the person to change her ways just by loving her.

 

I think the way you're viewing things is kind of naive, but you're 18 and that will change. There's nothing wrong with being a gentlemen, most women like that but if you're going to put women through a screening process and almost never have sex with your girlfriend you might need to make some slight changes.

That's just me though.

[teabee]

I think you're asking the wrong question. You asked about nice guys, but all you talked about was sex. Can someone not be a nice guy but still enjoy having sex? If you think that not wanting to have sex with your girlfriend makes you a nice guy, you're perspective is a little off.

 

If you're in a relationship with someone and you love each other, why wouldn't you want to have sex? You'll be a lot closer to your SO by being not only mentally close with each other, but physically close as well.

 

This is what I was thinking too.

Even if you meant you don't want girls ONLY for sex (good for you!! that's an excellent value) your attitude in general seems to be that "sex isn't all it's cracked up to be" and not wanting much sex (even in a relationship?) is noble and good.

[RyanGeist]

Are all the nice guys dying out and being taken over by sex hungry fiends?

 

Being a nice guy and having a strong sex drive are not mutually exclusive.

 

Why are girls so willing to give it up too?

 

Eh, yes and no. Sure, you can find a girl a the bar who will take home a random guy at the end of the night. On the other hand, many girls wait to engage in sexual intercourse with a male they're dating. The reason why for each: because humans are sexual creatures with a variety of mating habits and preferences. And women do have the advantage in dating, especially at your age.

 

What happened to the innocence of women? I don't understand.

 

There never was any. Sorry. Real life isn't like Disney or De Beers commercials would have you believe.

 

Some of the guys in college are just complete jerks and would f*** anything that is cute. I guess what I'm worried about and hung over is my ex as she'll be going into such a hostile environment in a few months.

 

Are you worried about your ex? Or jealous over the fact that she might've left you for a man who will be giving her a lot more sex?

 

Either way, it's not worth worrying about. If sex were the underlying issue behind the breakup, then that was an incompatibility. Her needs and interests were different than yours, and would have made for an unrewarding, difficult experience for the long-run. Both of you would be unhappy.

 

If you really don't want sex that often in a relationship, that's your preference. Nobody should convince you that's not what you want. But women, and especially young women, prefer to go about life in a much more experimental manner, and they want to explore their libido and other people. Understandably, they want to see what the dating scene has to offer. Men can be the same way, too, as you know.

 

Eighteen is a young age. There's a lot of life to live, people to meet, and not everyone is interested interested in finding someone who they'll be with until they die. Not everyone is looking for a wife or a husband. Not everyone wants to make enormous emotional investments that can be incredibly painful when they collapse. It can be a cruel realization, but we live in a very, very temporary world where anything can change in an instant and nothing is forever.

[afrodite79]

yeah, having sex only 4 times in the last year doesn't sound to me like it is indicative of being a nice guy, it sounds like you either a)don't enjoy sex b)had some relationship problems c)are really hung up on sex.

 

It's great to be a gentleman however, being nonsexual is going to drive any normal woman away, especially at your age, and for the next 30 years. Trust me when I say, you are going to want to work on that.

 

I was thinking the same thing. Most women I know would bail if their BF only had sex with them 4 times in a year. Being nice and a gentleman doesn't = being asexual. You can treat women with respect and love but still want and enjoy sex. My ex thought he was better than other guys because he didn't like or want sex. At first he wanted to wait and I thought it was refreshing so I agreed. After 4 months it got annoying and I felt like he wasn't attracted to me. He would say things like "I could be with a girl for years and be fine never having sex.". He also thought that sex ruined relationships. On top of other things that weren't working out between us that was a big problem for me.

 

Do you naturally just have a very low sex drive or do you really feel that it would be disrespectful to want to have lots of sex with your GF? If it's the former then you'll be fine. Just find a woman who's okay with only having sex occasionally.

[DeenasRhino]

I enjoy having sex. The question I'm asking is why do some guys only want sex from women?

[DrKitten]

I enjoy having sex. The question I'm asking is why do some guys only want sex from women?

 

Sex feels good, and relationships take a lot of effort that some people may not ready for. Sometimes women also only want sex from guys. As long as all parties are honest about their intentions and do it safely, everybody wins.

[shyguy1]

Nice... or good, however one chooses to put it... guys finish last, it's a fact of life.

 

This 'nice' guy is still a virgin at nearly 31 years old and reluctantly accepts that he's always going to be. (Truth be told if a girl I was interested in wanted to have sex.... my advancing virginity would make me too scared and nervous to go through with it anyway)

 

This 'nice' guy has also not gone on a single date in over a decade, girls like to pretend they like the nice guy, but in reality it's been proven time and time again.. they would rather be treated like * * * * , by some douche bag that doesn't take their feelings into account whatsoever, as opposed to being treated well by a person with good intentions. Maybe the aforementioned douche bag is a quote un quote "bad boy" and that's the appeal... I really don't know.

 

Or maybe it's a simple case of the jerks having that magic word 'confidence' that people like myself tend to lack and perhaps that's why they always seem to get the girl.

 

Makes one question the common sense of the average female, if confidence is the deal breaker between being treated like nothing more than piece of meat at best (and accepting it)... or being treated like a Queen (and shunning it)

[Shallow]

Or maybe it's a simple case of the jerks having that magic word 'confidence' that people like myself tend to lack and perhaps that's why they always seem to get the girl.

 

Ding!

 

And none of the bitterness expressed earlier in your post.

 

Makes one question the common sense of the average female, if confidence is the deal breaker between being treated like nothing more than piece of meat at best (and accepting it)... or being treated like a Queen (and shunning it)

 

Ideally, they want both.

 

There's actually more to it than that, but to simplify, they want someone they can emotionally connect with, yet still satisfy their more primal urges.

 

Not so different than men really, except the quantities of each that are required are typically reversed.

[hexaemeron]

Sigh... can't we all just get past this whole "sex is dirty and evil" schtick already? OP, you were probably raised in a religious home, ya? Taught about a woman's purity and all that?

 

There are women out there who embody those values, but don't expect the world at large to do so. And you certainly aren't doing yourself any favors looking down on people who see life differently than you.

 

You're young though. You'll learn.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I do date nice guys.

 

My boyfriend is a golden boy. Complete gentlemen. Respectful. Caring. Loving. He also engages in wonderful sexual acts with me often.

 

I want a guy who gives me the time of day and the time of night. Not only one.

[Catdancer]

Nice guys bore me to tears. At this point in my life, I want someone who has experience, confidence, who isnt afraid to be vunerable, who is openminded and has no fear. And when it comes to sex, he had better want me every freakin minute of the day. lol

[KG]

Nice guys bore me to tears. At this point in my life, I want someone who has experience, confidence, who isnt afraid to be vunerable, who is openminded and has no fear. And when it comes to sex, he had better want me every freakin minute of the day. lol

 

It's possible to be both. I would treat you nice, be vulnerable, and rock your socks off and onto the ceiling fan.

[hexaemeron]

See, I'm definitely one of the "Let's do black tie to the opera" and then hump out back in the alley afterwards types.

 

I appreciate finer things, I have what I consider to be a very solid sense of self and respect of others, but I don't really identify with a desire to be "like everyone else."

 

To me, that just illustrates a lack of imagination and an unwillingness to challenge yourself.

[KG]

See, I'm definitely one of the "Let's do black tie to the opera" and then hump out back in the alley afterwards types.

 

I appreciate finer things, I have what I consider to be a very solid sense of self and respect of others, but I don't really identify with a desire to be "like everyone else."

 

To me, that just illustrates a lack of imagination and an unwillingness to challenge yourself.

 

But that doesn't mean that you can't be a gentleman at the same time.

I open doors for others, serve on 3 community service boards, volunteer at a hospice facility.

That said, we've done it in a women's room, the roof, and in the pavilion at the baseball park....LOL!

[hexaemeron]

But that doesn't mean that you can't be a gentleman at the same time.

I open doors for others, serve on 3 community service boards, volunteer at a hospice facility.

That said, we've done it in a women's room, the roof, and in the pavilion at the baseball park....LOL!

 

See, exactly. That's exactly my point.

[Catdancer]

It's possible to be both. I would treat you nice, be vulnerable, and rock your socks off and onto the ceiling fan.

 

Well that just put me in my place. And made me hot at the same time. lol See that is the type of guy that attracts me. It's that spit fire confidence that turns me on to no end.

 

And when I see threads on here about "nice" guys, they usually are door mats. And with my steam roller personality, I stomp right on a doormat and dont even realize that I'm doing it.

[KG]

Well that just put me in my place. And made me hot at the same time. lol See that is the type of guy that attracts me. It's that spit fire confidence that turns me on to no end.

 

Ahhh, if only! LOL! But we'd prolly hurt each other.

 

And agreed, confidence is the main difference between gentleman, and doormat.