AAHH He's in a relationship! My heart is sunk.

[ambernlight]

I don't know if this should be in the healing after breaking up or breaking up or whatnot but I just noticed today that my ex changed his status to 'in a relationship' on facebook --DAMN facebook! I just want to vent. It's been a year since we officially broke up but been friends/fwb ever since. Well we dated and almost (I thought he was) considering getting back together in mid March. I made a few mistakes and BAM! less initiated contact from him then silence. Last time I text'd him hello he sent a dry email. I backed off. Still haven't heard from him.

 

I posted a thread a few weeks ago considering if I should send an email to him wishing him the best ----kind of glad I didn't?? Cause now he's official with that someone! Worst is they're like a forbidden love: it's an ex of one of my friends so of course her name isn't posted by the relationship status. Ugh! I wish I never looked.. I was doing SO well too!! I guess it was wishful thinking lala land and pure bliss that what he was in wasn't serious... he seems SOO happy now that I'm out of his life. I feel like I was just a drain to it. He had said so himself in the past on some occasions. UGH but when we have good times, he admits they are good.

 

I've had some fallouts from my past --my parents are toxic and so I have had to cut them from my life (therapists, among others, suggestion), past sexual abuse, and I don't have many *close* friends I can talk to (about this). So I'm having some major abandonment issues to deal with..

 

Do dumpers that feel guilty... is it easier for them just to get in another relationship -rebound? Is this some sort of way to avoid responsibility --I notice he's been crazy busying himself too, with friends and activities.

 

We've been broke up for a while yes, but almost got back together just a few months ago. I wonder since he moved on so quickly if he was just looking for an easy hook up with me or was already emotionally unattached? How else could he have moved on so quickly --or would you not consider this moving on quick? Ughhh I'm having scenes now of them having sex and him kissing her and it's driving me mad. I'm so depressed.. gonna have a hard time sleeping tonight I know. Good thing I have some sleeping pills..

 

Thanks in advance! and for letting me run my thoughts.

[annie24]

i wouldn't contact him. i would consider deleting him off your facebook as well.

[25isRough]

Agree with Annie... Just don't contact him at all. It's difficult thats for sure, but it really is the best solution. And if you're still FB friends you definitely shouldn't be!

[ambernlight]

Thanks for the advice. I did but unfortunately I looked him up from a friends account when she let me use her computer once. Bad choice I know! but I also knew he starting seeing her about 3 weeks ago because we have a lot of mutual friends. My friend told me he saw his ex and my ex out together holding hands face

[littlestar]

Just because someone starts a relationship with someone else doesnt mean they've truly moved on or over their ex.

[fuddiduddy]

For all you know, that new "relationship" might turn out to be a disaster in a few weeks. Just because he found someone new doesn't mean it'll work out.

 

That being said, follow the advice of the above posters, live your life, and start preparing for the next guy who will be sure to send you head over heels. And when that happens you won't be able to care less what your ex is doing or with whom.

[vivalavida22]

im sorry to hear about that but you should just delete him off fb. If he doesnt care why should you? If a year didnt mean that much to him for him to just move on like that and that quick why care, hes obviously not committed. I understand you have visions of them having sex and thats a thing were all going to get and its going to sink us but you need to see through that and move on. Im sorry to say it like that but you need to realize he wasnt just that serious about you or he wouldnt of just moved on that quick. best of luck do whats right.

[Ms Darcy]

You seem to gloss over the most important detail - that you have been broken up for a year. Unfortunately, everything else was just him having fun. I think you are savvy enough to know that if you're doing a fwb thing with someone, they are not beholden to you.

 

I think it's interesting that you ask:

Do dumpers that feel guilty... is it easier for them just to get in another relationship -rebound? Is this some sort of way to avoid responsibility --I notice he's been crazy busying himself too, with friends and activities.

Think of it this way - it's not a rebound. He has been single for a year. Two, he's not beholden to you at all so why would he be avoiding any responsibility?

 

Three, I'm a little worried about you. It sounds like with the abuse and the bad relationship with the parents that you have little to nothing to focus on but your pain and you don't quite know how to cope or to establish boundaries. Would you agree with this?