Please Help! Am I misinterpreting the situation or is my gut right?

[grayclouds]

I'm an 18 year old female (college student) and there's this man who's probably 30 something possibly even 40 (I'm not exactly sure of his age even though he doesn't look old) who's a neighbor of mine. We live in the same apartment building and is someone that I see every now and then. He's married with kids and trust me, I understand that married man are OFF LIMITS but, I've been thinking that this man may be attracted to me and/or flirting with me even though I am NOT interested in him. We don't know anything too personal about one another. Not even each others' names but here's why I think he may be attracted to me/flirting with me:

 

Every time he sees me, he says hi and I know that it's no big deal for neighbors to say hello to one another but this guy will pretty much go out of his way to say hi to me. For example, he sees me but I don't see him, and he'll still call out something like "Hey girl! How you doing?!" even if I'm like 10 feet away from him. He's always being nice to me and to my dad who I'm really close with and live with. He also stares at me and if/when I catch him staring at me, he won't look away. Instead he'll try to hold eye contact with me. He has actually held eye contact with me longer than you normally would hold eye contact with someone. He always looks at me as I was walk past him. Whenever he sees me, he seems to find something to say even if it's silly and unimportant. Sometimes, I can't help but think that he does it to try and grab my attention. Whenever he gets the chance to, he tries to make small talk and when we talk the conversation is pretty much always about me. One day, as I was walking outside while he was driving past, he saw me and wouldn't take his eyes off of me until he had driven too far ahead to keep looking. Mind you, I wasn't even wearing anything revealing just a fitted t-shirt and jeans. One time, as I was entering the building, he held the door open for me and as I was walking through the door, he reached over and touched the hair that was by my face with his hand. I was so shocked, confused, and uncomfortable that I just walked away without saying anything or even looking at him. Then, another time when he and I saw each other we had a small conversation and when our conversation ended he suggested that I give him my email address. This wasn't the first time that he implied that he wanted my email address (he had done it before a couple of years ago).

 

A few weeks after that, I was on my way out one morning with my dad. He said good morning to my dad as he greeted him with a handshake and then proceeded to greet me the same way. The difference was that when he shook my hand, he wouldn't stop looking at me, he gave my hand a slight and gentle squeeze, and held my hand a little longer. It felt as if he didn't want to let go of my hand.

There was also this time when I was going out and he was accross the street from me. He seemed distracted but as soon as he saw me, he went "oooh" and seemed really happy to see me (again, I wasn't wearing revealing clothing (I never do) just a simple fitted jeans and fitted shirt). His face just lit up.

The last thing that happened (or at least the last one I can remember) was when we ran into each other at a gas station. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car I was in, with the window closed as he parked his car right next to the one I was in. He kept looking at me the whole time and even playfully stuck his tongue out at me once. I tried my best to ignore him but, I could just feel his eyes on me the whole time. Even when he was paying for the stuff he bought, he kept turning to look back at me. He also didn't leave till I waved good-bye to him.

 

Now, sometimes I feel/think that maybe he's just being friendly and I'm just being a paranoid 18 year old that's over- analyzing stuff but...then I add up all of his actions and the way he looks at me and I just can't help but think that he may be attracted to me/flirting with me. There's just something about the look in his eyes when he looks at me that makes my gut feel like he's more than just friendly.

 

Anyway, I guess what I want you guys to answer is:

Do you think that I'm just maybe misinterpreting the situation? And that maybe he IS just being friendly and nothing more?

If you DO think that he's attracted to me/flirting with me, what do you think his intentions are?

 

Any tips/advice on how I can may be handle this situation. I've thought about telling another adult in my family or something but I'm afraid they won't believe me if I tell them about my suspicions because he's a nice guy and doesn't seem/look like a creep or anything like that. I've also thought about telling a friend of mine but I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to get a mature response from her (or anyone else) without getting something along the lines of "Eww, he's a creep".

 

Sorry for making this post so long but I really need some opinions and advice. Thank you guys.

[Shudder]

"Eww, he's a creep".

 

he does sound a little bit like one though.. that or a stalker..

[Keyman]

I think your gut instinct isn't wrong, he isn't just being friendly, he is interested. He is married and should not act on it, but that doesn't stop him from staring at the current object of his affection ie you.

 

You don't have to be wearing anything skimpy, but fitted jeans and fitted top show off your assets as much as having lots of skin poking out.

 

The staring and talking, in my opinion, doesn't make him a creep. But, the asking for your email address and touching you in any form beyond shaking your hand does.

 

You need to make him stop and the easiest way to tell him you aren't interested in him and then ask him to stop. Likely that wont make much of a difference. So the next thing will be to mention that you tell his wife and if that still doesn't work, go in for the kill and just tell the wife. Not confident to do it on your own? Get your father to go with you to see him. It doesn't need to be anything nasty, just that he makes you very uncomfortable.

 

Be careful though, his looks of affection might turn into looks of hate should you get him in trouble with the wife.

 

Be careful and if things get out of hand, you might have to move.

[grayclouds]

Thanks for your opinion/advice Keyman. It's nice to know that someone thinks I might be right because I've been having a hard time determining whether I was possibly right or just paranoid. You say he's interested. Care to elaborate on that and tell me what you think he's interested in? Thank you.

[Kenzie76]

Thanks for your opinion/advice Keyman. It's nice to know that someone thinks I might be right because I've been having a hard time determining whether I was possibly right or just paranoid. You say he's interested. Care to elaborate on that and tell me what you think he's interested in? Thank you.

 

If you're not interested in him, what HE'S interested in really isn't important, although it seems he's interested in something inappropriate with you when he's married and should know better.

 

The way you say you're reacting to his attention (uncomfortable, embarrassed etc) is probably fuelling him to carry on, he could be, incorrectly taking that as you're shy and actually like the attention.

 

With a guy who is like this, the bold and firm approach is probably your best bet. You have to show him you're not enjoying the attention, with a look of disdain and if that doesn't work a quick 'stop staring at me' comment or something of that nature. Ask him about his wife etc not in a way to seem like you're sussing him out...just a 'hows your wife?'

 

I would advise though, not to let yourself be flattered by the attention of this older guy...he seems quite predatory to me.

[Chantal87]

As soon as I read this, I thought of Lovely Bones. He sounds like a really creepy guy. That is not normal and I would try to distance yourself from him as much as you possibly can. You should talk to your dad about his behaviour when hes not present. Yes friendly neighbours say hi and wave and such, but brushing your hair from your face? He shouldnt be touching you in any way whatsoever. Be cautious around him and dont be alone near him.

[grayclouds]

Thanks for your opinion/advice. I'm not flattered by his attention I just wanted to know what other people thought about the situation because it seems kind of weird to me.

[grayclouds]

As soon as I read this, I thought of Lovely Bones. He sounds like a really creepy guy. That is not normal and I would try to distance yourself from him as much as you possibly can. You should talk to your dad about his behaviour when hes not present. Yes friendly neighbours say hi and wave and such, but brushing your hair from your face? He shouldnt be touching you in any way whatsoever. Be cautious around him and dont be alone near him.

 

Wow. The Lovely Bones was the first thing you thought of while reading about the situation? Do you really think it's to that extreme?

[SpottiOtti]

This guy is acting completely creepy. Trust your gut. I strongly suggest that you tell your dad all about this. Be careful. He may just be fantasizing about the hot young 18-year old girl because he's bored in his marriage, but staring at you that way when it's obvious you're uncomfortable and touching you and asking for your email address are crossing the line. Tell your dad. Please, just in case.

[abitbroken]

It is perfectly neighborly for him to chat with you and be interested in what you have to say. I am the same way with my boyfriends nieces and nephews, etc. He could even tease you as a friend of your dad's. What crosses the line of friendly is when he is driving by. Glancing at you is one thing - I do that out of recognition of someone I know - but the staring until he has to move his head for safety, etc, - that almost sounds like he is trying to be obvious about it so you notice him looking.

 

I would say when I was that age, sometimes I would misinterpret people and think they were interested when you weren't and if it was just some of the conversation I would say he was just being neighborly but the rest of it - I just thinks he really "likes looking" if that makes sense. it could be an ego boost to him to look at eye candy. I don't think he's "interested" as leaving his wife interested.

 

In the future, I would say hello to him if you see him outside and he says hi first, but I would just go about my business.

 

If this continues, or the next time he does it say to your dad "gee, bob/mr. smith looks like he wants to get in a car accident. Every time he drives by he is looking at our house even almost after he passes it." Maybe dad will take notice or razz him about it to let him know that he knows that he's looking.

[grayclouds]

Thanks for the reply and I apologize if I come off as rude or arrogant with anything I say...but...this guy is not a friend of my dad's or mine. He's just a neighbor that's friendly to us (more specifically me). We don't even know each other's names.

You also pointed out that it seems like he is trying to be obvious about looking at me so I'll notice and I have to say that I agree. Like I mentioned in my original post, if I catch him looking at me, he won't look away or try to hide the fact that he was/is looking. There was also this one time when he was parking his car as my dad and I were walking past with my little cousin. He waved hello to my dad as I pretended not to see him, and I can almost assure you that it was because I didn't bother to look at him or say hello that he honked the horn of his car because when he did so, I naturally turned to look over at him (as I would with anyone who honked their horn).

 

You also mentioned that it seems like he just really "likes looking" which makes me raise the question: If looking is all he wants to do, then why has he asked for my email address before?

I mean, why would someone who simply likes to look at someone be interested in contacting that person?

 

Idk, I just find that weird.

[abitbroken]

If he asks for your email address, ask him why he wants it. If he can't give you a good reason, tell him no. You can also say that "i'll give you my dad's" and that you'll have to ask him unless your dad freely gives it out.

[grayclouds]

This guy is acting completely creepy. Trust your gut. I strongly suggest that you tell your dad all about this. Be careful. He may just be fantasizing about the hot young 18-year old girl because he's bored in his marriage, but staring at you that way when it's obvious you're uncomfortable and touching you and asking for your email address are crossing the line. Tell your dad. Please, just in case.

 

Thanks for replying. That's the problem I've thought about telling my dad about this guy and how I find some of the things he says and does kind of weird but I just don't know how to go about it. I've tried hinting at some of the things that, that guy has done, and how I find them weird but my dad never seems to catch on. He also has this idea that the guy (our neighbor) is such a nice guy because of how friendly he is. So, ultimately even if or when I work up the guts to tell him, I'm afraid he won't believe me.

[Chantal87]

Wow. The Lovely Bones was the first thing you thought of while reading about the situation? Do you really think it's to that extreme?

 

Probably not. But I dont know. Working in a police station I hear all kinds of stories and how people act, so I could be overanalyzing the situation. I would just say be very cautious.

[Capricorn3]

Whatever you do, do NOT encourage this guy in any way, shape or form. In fact, do your best to avoid him and ignore him as much as possible. He should get the message eventually and if not, tell your dad he's a creep who's annoying you. The less you hang around him, the better.

[grayclouds]

Whatever you do, do NOT encourage this guy in any way, shape or form. In fact, do your best to avoid him and ignore him as much as possible. He should get the message eventually and if not, tell your dad he's a creep who's annoying you. The less you hang around him, the better.

 

I'm not encouraging him or at least I don't think I am. I don't talk to him but when I do it's because he's the one to initiate the hello or the conversation. I try to ignore him as best as I can but, he seems to be pretty persistent in terms of trying to grab my attention when he sees me. I don't even see him that often. I was seeing him more often in the past month but now since I hardly go out early in the morning, I haven't seen him in like a couple of weeks.

 

By the way (just to be on the safe side) what would you consider encouraging him?

[KC7]

Well seems to me he is just a overly friendly neighbor that has a creepy tendency. I could be totally wrong but I say he is just that way and not really meaning to come off like that but he does. Be careful about the situation, if you feel uncomfortable than there is a problem. Well you can go about the ways the other people say, or I say find some handsome young strong lad who will send the message to this man because he is your new BF.

ha ha

[SpottiOtti]

Grayclouds, you just need to sit down with your dad, like at dinner or something, and tell him everything you told us in your first post. Lay it all out for him. You said that you and your pops are close, so I would imagine that he will respect your feelings and take you seriously.

 

The guy could just be a total douchebag with no evil intentions . . . or he could be a psycho. There's just no way to tell what's going through his mind. Telling your dad now before it gets any worse is sort of a "just in case" measure. If it does get worse, well, you have evidence of escalating behavior. And your dad knows to be on the alert around this guy, just in case.

 

No point in taking any chances with this sort of stuff, IMO.

[grayclouds]

Grayclouds, you just need to sit down with your dad, like at dinner or something, and tell him everything you told us in your first post. Lay it all out for him. You said that you and your pops are close, so I would imagine that he will respect your feelings and take you seriously.

 

The guy could just be a total douchebag with no evil intentions . . . or he could be a psycho. There's just no way to tell what's going through his mind. Telling your dad now before it gets any worse is sort of a "just in case" measure. If it does get worse, well, you have evidence of escalating behavior. And your dad knows to be on the alert around this guy, just in case.

 

No point in taking any chances with this sort of stuff, IMO.

 

You're right. It is better to be safe than sorry. I'll try to sit down with my dad and explain everything. Thanks for the advice.

[LightbulbSun]

To me, he sounds like he's having a mid life crisis and just wants a fling. Since he's married with kids, he's off limits, sorry.

 

All 40 year old men are attracted to 18 year olds, and I wouldn't say it's wrong if there isn't another woman in the picture...however, he's married and with kids. For the sake of them, please stay away.

[Lady Rashomon]

To me, he sounds like he's having a mid life crisis and just wants a fling. Since he's married with kids, he's off limits, sorry.

 

All 40 year old men are attracted to 18 year olds, and I wouldn't say it's wrong if there isn't another woman in the picture...however, he's married and with kids. For the sake of them, please stay away.

 

Did you actually read the OP's post? She isn't interested in this guy and is creeped out by his behavior.

[grayclouds]

Thanks for pointing that out HarboiledEgg

[grayclouds]

To me, he sounds like he's having a mid life crisis and just wants a fling. Since he's married with kids, he's off limits, sorry.

 

All 40 year old men are attracted to 18 year olds, and I wouldn't say it's wrong if there isn't another woman in the picture...however, he's married and with kids. For the sake of them, please stay away.

 

I am not interested in this guy. I just wanted people's opinions on his behavior and possibly some advice on the situation. I know that's he off limits and I am in no way, shape, or form trying to pursue him.

[grayclouds]

A Bit of An Update for those who might be interested

 

I hadn't seen this guy in a couple of weeks but now recently I saw him a couple of days ago. I was going to ignore him but, I couldn't because we were headed in opposite directions so we were facing each other as I was walking. When he saw me headed in his direction, he stopped and reached out for a handshake. I didn't want to be rude so, I gave him my hand. The weird part is that he didn't shake my hand or greet me. He didn't say anything. He just...kind of...held my hand until I pulled my hand away from him as I continued to walk away. I didn't look back at him but for some reason I could kind of feel him looking at me as I walked away from him (if that's even possible).

I know this probably sounds silly or stupid but sometimes, I feel like I don't even know what to do when he does things like that.

[abitbroken]

That is weird. A handshake and an extended hand always comes with a "hello" or some type of greeting. if you haven't talked to your dad, now is the perfect time, "our neighbor is acting strange. I was walking down the street and he was walking in the opposite direction. He reached out for my hand like he was going to shake my hand, but he just held onto it and didn't say hello or nice to see you. I didn't know how to react to that..."

 

He may just be social awkward and harmless or he's one to really really distance yourself from. I would continue to be careful, but next time try not to give him the time of day. It seems you can't follow the behavior of what any other person would do because he doesn't react like most people would