Can NC start after 3 weeks?

[katyg79]

Hi

 

I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago but we had minimal contact for the last 3 weeks, some with him initiating, others with me initiating.

 

I know it was wrong but i do miss him (or the empty feeling) so much still and cry most days.

 

What i would like to know, in anyones experience can NC start after 3 weeks. We are going through that now (deleted of facebook etc etc) and wonders if it is too later for the elastic band stretch theory to work with a man? ie can i now leave him to grieve and miss me or is it too late?? has the damage already been done in anyones experiences.

 

any advice would be great - thanks k x

[hater13]

NC can be initiated whenever

[alamina]

It's never too late. It all depends on the circumstances. Nothing is guaranteed but no, it's hasn't ruined your possible chances of reconciliation. It has just delayed the process a bit.

[HeartGoesOn]

"NC" can be started at any time, but it sounds like you're doing this for all the wrong reasons. The main point in going "NC" is to heal, move on, and assume that the person is out of your life. With that said, there is no guarantee that the person will return, but it does give you plenty of time to think clearly, and be able to let go much more easily.

[alamina]

I think that a person will initially do NC in the hopes of bringing the dumper back. There is no convincing them otherwise when they are going through that stage. The dumpee needs to learn, naturally, that it's for their own good eventually. That's how it was for me.

 

Of course, the OP didn't mention who initiated the breakup. I'm just assuming.

[katyg79]

thanks, i dumped him but onluy after finding he was on line websites arranging to meet others. when i made the decision i regretted it straight away because i love him but he then said that he didnt love me like he did and that it was just a matter of time so didnt bother trying to make it work. also, he said if in 3-4 weeks he is missing and pining for me then we will see - he said it isnt a closed book yet. giving me false hope i am sure you will agree which is making me worse i cant move on

[Stanton]

It sounds like he's stringing you along. Why be someone's back-up? You can go no contact at anytime in an attempt to heal and move on. Delaying this will only cause more painful days in the future when you finally decide to move on.

[alamina]

I reconciled with an ex that didn't love me "like he used to", several times. He acted distant and cold. I often thought he was lost in a daydream, imagining this great life without me and with someone better. That hurt a lot. No amount of kindness and logic could change his mind. He'd push me away and pull me back in, only to push me away again. Two years of this!

 

I am picking up a million broken pieces of my self-esteem and sanity right now!

 

The only thing I can suggest right now is that you give yourself a few weeks of complete NC, in order to have a clearer view on the whole situation.

[huskiesfan]

NC can start at anytime. I did not institute full NC with my ex until a month and a half after the breakup.

 

That being said, as HeartGoesOn said, you must make sure you are doing this for you.

 

Many times, people view NC as a tool to gain revenge on their exes, or to try and bring about a reconciliation. That is not the point of NC. No Contact is meant for you to have a chance to be on your own and to clear your head of any influence or mind games your ex may be playing. Reconciliation should be an added bonus to the end result, which is a happier you, not the end result itself.

 

It is really a no-lose scenario. You either come up a new, happier you who is ready to get out there and find a man who will love you for you, or you gain your ex back, and possibly have a renewed, successful relationship. Either way, you win. So, keep at it and good things will come your way no matter what.