What happened to our love? Where did things go wrong?

[AprilLuis]

 

5 years ago I meet the man of my dreams, he is handsome, strong but gentle, loving caring and has a huge heart and a wonderful personality. Everything was going perfect so I thought, we did everything together.

Over the yeatrs we had our little arguments but nothing serious, we never split up or anything there was no talk of anything. We finally took the next step in our relationship, he bought a house and I moved in, I am thinking that this is the greatest, this is going some where. Over the last few weeks I have noticed his pulling away from me, we wouldnt be physical with one another, I would always tell him that I was "in the mood" but nothing, he just came to bed rolled over and would go to sleep. The he started staying out late saying he was at his friends house. Whatever.

Well last Friday, my worst nightmare had come true, we knew that we had to talk about things but I thought it was what we needed to do to get back on track, well he had other plans, we needed to go separate ways.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I just dont understand, something that I thought was perfect just fell apart in a split second.

He says he loves me, will always care for me and will never forget me. What the heck does that mean? How could he do this to me? He says that is not happy and he needs to do this, he had to make this hard decision, he needs to see what makes him happy, why cant he see its me, Why cant he see that we belong together. How does this feeling that he has happen after 5 years. Where did I go wrong? I am a good person, I dont drink, party, smoke go out. All I did was give my heart, devonation, love and life to this man and he just ripped it apart.

His parents, my parents and his own friends thinks he made the biggest mistake in his life. How come we all see that and he doesnt? What does he see? Will he see after some time of me not living there and all my things and everything that I brought into that home is gone, not just the material things but the love and everything that I gave to him, we he then see he made a mistake and ask me to come home?

I packed my things on Saturday, he was there, it was heart wrenching knowing in a few hours I will be alone, noone to love, noone to give my life to, noone to hold me the way he did, The smell of him on me, the way he would touch me, the way he made me feel like a goddess...all gone!

He wsa getting ready to leave to go to the gym (he is a body builder) he looked at me and said" Please dont hate me, I just need to do this" his eyes where glassy, I said" you cant hate the person that you love with all your heart and soul, you only hate the decisions that they make and this is one of those decisions that I hate". He leaned over and gave me a hug, a tight hug, it felt like he didnt want to let go and then kissed me the way we use to kiss, I knew from that hug and kiss that this was it, this is his final decision, this was his way of saying good bye!

I am hurting, I cant do this it hurts to much, I miss him and his dog which I took care of for 3 years, I cant concentrate on my career, I havent eaten like I usually do, everytime the phone rings I am breaking my leg to answer it hoping its him calling me home.. Its not!

How do I go on? How am I suppose to just let him go? Help, someone please help.

[Scout]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Honestly, I don't have advice to "help" you, but there are several posts on eNotalone that address what you can do to get through times like this. I think the main thing, which you'll be seeing a lot, is "No Contact" for some time...that's right, you don't call him, you don't take his calls. This is for two reasons: to give yourself some emotional room to take all this in, and to heal - believe it or not, the NC actually helps you to heal - and number two, so that your ex can have a chance to miss you. And he will miss you, trust me on this. He'll call - they always do. Just you've got to maintain NC right now, it's absolutely essential. Other posters will explain it, and there is a lot of info about it on eNotalone.

 

Again, I am sorry you're having to go through this, and I understand you miss the dog, too. Maybe you could volunteer at a shelter for a day or two a week, and spend some time with the animals there. Might help you get your mind off things, and trust me, right now you want to mix up your environment as much as possible.

[AB38]

I know exactly what you are going through, and I am truly sorry. But life will get better, you just need time. I agree with the earlier post. Please, for your sake, cut off contact with him. If you do that, the fog will clear. We all like to hold on to things from a relationship, dogs, gifts, places, smells. It's all part of what made the relationship special.

 

But you have to find some way of letting those things go, as painful as it may be right now. When you have healed, you can bring those things back as pleasant memories.

 

you cant hate the person that you love with all your heart and soul, you only hate the decisions that they make and this is one of those decisions that I hate

 

That's a great quote. You have to respect the decision he made, he may come to regret it, he may not. Do what is right for you now. Find that person inside before your relationship. Get to know yourself again. I found out that when I discovered myself, it was very enlightening.

 

You will get through this, and we are all here to help. God Bless.

[ydubel]

I am so sorry you are hurting right now. But remember it is only temporary. It will pass.

 

This is a time when you have to learn to take care of yourself emotionally. Use this time constructively, don't just spend it crying over spilled milk. You will still have a broken heart only then you'll have piled more frustration into the mix.

 

Take this in as a life lesson, painful as it may be. Of the 5 million couples co-habitating 55% will break up. Of those that make it to the marriage finish line, over half of those will end in break ups as well.

 

Relationships are never easy, but the ones with the best hope of making it are the ones well both people are commited to each other....in deeds not just words.

 

I have seen situations like yours more times than I care to recall, but the commonalities I consistently see make me think...

 

Unless you are engaged with a date set, living together is not a good idea. Why? There are actually several reasons I could give, but for starters....Because when a guy is really in love with you they don't want to put off commiting to spending their life with you.

 

The exception seems to be the ones who are emotionally stunted and desperately afraid of attachment/intimacy. In those cases, the previous post is right, he'll call again. However, he may get involved with someone else in the meantime.

 

When someone wants to keep you close, but not really commit it is a clear indicator that they aren't really into you. There is a difference between loving and being in love with someone.

 

In the future remember that you teach people how to treat you. If you want someone who is totally commited to you, then don't settle for less. That's a sure fire way of *not* getting the quality of relationship you want.

 

I know it's not the same thing and that having someone close can seem very comforting, but try to remember that we project alot of what we feel onto other people. The love and devotion you gave to him, you now need to give to yourself. Set new goals that don't revolve around someone else meeting your emotional needs. Neediness will only repell what you really want.

 

You are much stronger than you think. Don't spend too much time wallowing in your despair because it becomes self perpetuating. Focus on your own success and creating a life you can feel proud of whether there's a guy in it or not.

 

I wish you only the best.

Y. Dubel