Husband secretly watches porn... any chance he gets!!!

[hexaemeron]

what does he need? sex? did OP say they don't have sex?

 

One doesn't NEED porn, it can help sexual release which IS something almost all people need.

 

But too much porn CAN have an effect on sex and a relationship.

 

She says their sex life is just fine.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Honestly, her objection to porn could be fueling his interest in it, since the whole thing is about a rush and excitement.

[digger11]

yeah so what does he need?

[jaxlo]

no, this happens most days when i go to walk the dog in the afternoon if he is home, i come back and baby is in the high chair. some days he is not in the high chair but i know he watched it during his window of opportunity because the history will be cleared.

also, our sex life is great and i understand having to masterbate... i masterbate too but usually in the shower, not when i'm doing something important. also, i won't do it in the shower if it's just me and the baby, only if he is there to watch him. by the way, i don't think he masterbates when he looks, i think he just looks.

another thing is that yes he knows that i think it is gross and don't understand it but it's not like it's brought up all the time and i nag him. he doesn't even know i know.

[jaxlo]

And I will second Hermes, though he works, he sounds bored as hell to me. Do you guys communicate or have a healthy relationship otherwise? I know I have done the majority of my nonstop porn watching when I had nothing better to do.

 

of course he is bored, he is a dad. i spend all day with my son and my dog and look forward to my husband coming home and spending time with him. we do everything together. if it were up to me, we would go out and do things or hang out with people but he doesn't agree with that. he thinks that is irresponsible parenting to go out and leave our kid home with someone. so yeah, we are both bored. that is not an excuse to me. sorry.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

of course he is bored, he is a dad. i spend all day with my son and my dog and look forward to my husband coming home and spending time with him. we do everything together. if it were up to me, we would go out and do things or hang out with people but he doesn't agree with that. he thinks that is irresponsible parenting to go out and leave our kid home with someone. so yeah, we are both bored. that is not an excuse to me. sorry.

 

...an excuse to masturbate? Sure it is. You cannot begrudge someone for handling their lives differently than you do, even when you are married to them.

 

If you have a problem with his parenting, then by all means, discuss that.

It sounds like this is just one issue among many disagreements. Is your problem the fact that he touches himself or is it just him in general?

[hexaemeron]

Ohhhhh, I get this now. So he's controlling the situation by saying what you can and cannot do as a family, so you're controlling the situation by saying what he can and cannot do with his junk.

 

Sounds like you all have deeper problems than pornography. You two have an all out power-struggle going on.

[digger11]

Ohhhhh, I get this now. So he's controlling the situation by saying what you can and cannot do as a family, so you're controlling the situation by saying what he can and cannot do with his junk.

 

Sounds like you all have deeper problems than pornography. You two have an all out power-struggle going on.

 

 

OR maybe she is annoyed that he has a porn addiction. It interferes with his daily life (parenting) and it's impulse, like something he HAS to do. It's not normal to look it up while visiting someone for dinner, or at any available opportunity (going out to walk the dog)

[hexaemeron]

OR maybe she is annoyed that he has a porn addiction. It interferes with his daily life (parenting) and it's impulse, like something he HAS to do. It's not normal to look it up while visiting someone for dinner, or at any available opportunity (going out to walk the dog)

 

Again, we could go round and round on this, but if she didn't shame him about it, he wouldn't have to hide it, and if you don't have to hide it, it's more open and honest and I'm 95% sure this wouldn't have been an issue.

 

They're both doing stupid things in their marriage though, agreed.

[greywolf]

what does he need? sex? did OP say they don't have sex?

 

One doesn't NEED porn, it can help sexual release which IS something almost all people need.

 

But too much porn CAN have an effect on sex and a relationship.

 

One doesn't need sex, or love, or a relationship either.

[greywolf]

OR maybe she is annoyed that he has a porn addiction. It interferes with his daily life (parenting) and it's impulse, like something he HAS to do. It's not normal to look it up while visiting someone for dinner, or at any available opportunity (going out to walk the dog)

 

If I felt like I wasn't allowed to look at porn, I would look at it whenever there was an available opportunity, because who knows when I'll get the chance to watch it again.

[hexaemeron]

If I felt like I wasn't allowed to look at porn, I would look at it whenever there was an available opportunity, because who knows when I'll get the chance to watch it again.

 

Agreed. Judgment and shame = hidden behaviors.

[Scott12]

Ohhhhh, I get this now. So he's controlling the situation by saying what you can and cannot do as a family, so you're controlling the situation by saying what he can and cannot do with his junk.

 

Sounds like you all have deeper problems than pornography. You two have an all out power-struggle going on.

 

Hex,

 

From my understanding, she's never really confronted him about the porn use, other than telling him on one or two occasions that she thinks it's gross. According to her, it bothers her, but she doesn't nag him about it. And, seriously, if he's watching it every time she leaves the house, including when he should be watching the baby, that's obsessive, if not outright pathological.

 

Scott

[NightLily]

Okay I kind of see this as turning into another "don't be jealous and be completely secure with everything" campaign.

 

That is great and all but totally outside the point as far as I am concerned.

 

To me, I don't care for a second how the OP feels towards porn. The real issue is that he is picking porn over taking care of his young child. Who knows how long the child was there alone?

 

I don't care who you are, it isn't normal to need to orgasm six times a day while putting baby on the sidelines.

 

This guy has a problem which from what has been said may very well be an addiction. OP, you might have issues with porn as well but I find them to be within the realm of normal behavior. Your SO however I do not. The reason I say this is because one interferes with "performance" in real life where as the other doesn't.

 

I also feel that you have every right to dislike porn and this does not justify your SO lying. A normal reaction to this would be "I see, well I like to watch porn from time to time".. not carefully erasing your footsteps and living a double life. This is another indicator to me that his hobby has crossed a line. It seems like he feels shame over it. And considering the extent, it sounds like it goes deeper than simply that you dislike porn.

 

I don't think you should tell him to not watch it all together, but you do need to bring this out in the open. It is a sensitive topic so it may even be a good idea to look into couple's counseling so that you can bring up the issue in a way that will be constructive instead of turning into an argument. The reality is though that for this to get anywhere he will need to see how this could cause harm and want to change. And then in the end you will have to do what you feel is best for you and your son.

 

Best of luck.