He Told me about a "Sexy Dream" involving someone else...Is it normal?

[Just Me85]

Hi,

 

So the guy I've been seeing for six months now (I know he isn't seeing other people and we are exclusive in that way) text me today, just the usual chit chat, and he told me that he had a really hot dream last night, but that "unfortunately" it didn't involve me, but that it's cool because he gets to "save me for real life."

 

Kind of a back handed compliment...Kind of twisted don't you think? I don't want to be jealous and annoyed and insecure about it but now I can't get it out of my head. I made a joke about it and I said I'm not even going to ask if its someone he knows.

 

Tbh, I don't know why he felt the need to tell me that! I know its normal for guys to dream of other girls, but he said he's "been a bit randy" all day so it must have been good!

 

Does it mean he wants to see other people? Maybe he's bored of me Even if its not that, he must be thinking about getting with other girls it if he's having dreams right? My mind would be put at rest if I thought it was like Megan Fox or a celebrity or something, but now every time I'm hanging with his female friends Im going to be asking myself how many of them he secretly wants to have sexy time with! But if it is someone real I'd rather not know because it would drive me crazy.

 

I know I could be being irrational, is it normal for me to feel hurt and jealous?

 

Thanks x

[hexaemeron]

Oh good grief. He has no active control of who he dreams about. Are you going to feel jealous of a rabbit, or a vacuum cleaner or Ben Browder if they end up in his dreams too?

 

You're pinwheeling here. Rein the neediness and insecurity back in and remember, it's JUST a DREAM.

[agent1607307371]

It means he's an idiot who overshared. But that's probably all it means.

[meteorstrike]

Many times I don't even know why I dream about things that doesn't even relate to my life.

[ghost69]

he thought he gave you a compliment saying he's got you in real life. he just doesn't know to drop the other crap. but seriously, don't get jealous of his dreams. i know for a fact i wouldn't tell any girl i'm dating what happened if it was like that though. but, if it was about her i would.

[4ever2gether]

He has no control over his dreams. how would you feel if you had a dream with some other guy and it bothered him? doesn't mean your thinking of the other person. or thinking of cheating.

[aldridal]

Yup, everybody has those dreams. I don't want to hear about them from my girlfriend though, and I know she wouldn't want to hear about mine. We're human, we're not hardwired to find one single person attractive. But... there's a way to be tactful about it, and that wasn't it lol

[JusticeLaw9]

On a side note,

 

I don't think I'd tell my woman that I had a dream about another woman taking her place. Although it can happen, what would be the point of sharing that, it was a dream and just one of those foot in the mouth kind of comments that'll create an argument. I'd never hear the end of it.

[SocialStigma]

He has no control over dreams, I have had dreams about cheating on my boyfriend or being with other guys but I would never ever cheat on him and I love him dearly.

 

Very tactless of him to tell you though, I definitely do not tell my boyfriend.

[Ebrithil]

To be honest if a man dreams about having sex with somone he actualy knows in real life it doesnt mean that he actualy wants to have sex with them, a dream is a jumble of a lot of thoughts that have been in your head that day and I read in a dream interpritation book that to dream about having sex with somone is you wanting to get to know them better or to understand somthing about them thats confusing you. Iv had dreams about sexual acts with people that I woke up thinking What! In got no intention of sleeping with them.

 

The fact your boyfriend has told you about this dream is probobly more to the point that he is ready for things to happen with you, you shouldnt get jellous over a dream one day youll have one it might even be with somone you know in real life and youll know its just a dream not a deep desire to have mad passionate sex with that person.

[Just Me85]

Yeah I understand all of this, but that said, I know he is a naturally jealous person and if/when I have any dreams like this that of course mean nothing, I wouldnt tell him to spare his feelings! I just think hes a bit of an insensitive jerk sometimes lol...

 

I really dont like coming accross as needy Im scared itll drive him away. Does anyone have any tips on how I can reign this in in the future without him thinking Ive lost interest?

 

I wanna be in his dreams dammit! x

 

My response was a bit catty on reflection, I should have played it cool, is there anyway I can backpedal or make it seem less of a deal to me?

[hexaemeron]

Yeah I understand all of this, but that said, I know he is a naturally jealous person and if/when I have any dreams like this that of course mean nothing, I wouldnt tell him to spare his feelings! I just think hes a bit of an insensitive jerk sometimes lol...

 

I really dont like coming accross as needy Im scared itll drive him away. Does anyone have any tips on how I can reign this in in the future without him thinking Ive lost interest?

 

I wanna be in his dreams dammit! x

 

My response was a bit catty on reflection, I should have played it cool, is there anyway I can backpedal or make it seem less of a deal to me?

 

This is part of your problem, IMHO. You want HIM to validate you so you are confident and secure. That's your job. It's your responsibility to be confident and secure all on your own. You do that by setting goals, meeting them and seeing yourself truly for who and what you are and taking pride in those things.

[teabee]

I've had sex dreams about people other than my boyfriend. I've also fantasized about people other than my boyfriend. I can guarantee you that the same goes for him, but the difference is we are smart enough to neglect mentioning it to each other.

 

Just tell him you don't want to know next time.

[Kaiser_Soze]

At least he feels confident enough for him to share that with you, but don't worry based on your over the top jealous, insecure panic, he'll change that... Then you'll spiral into figuring out who he's sharing those thoughts with.

 

Don't be SO controlling. Instead ask what this mystery woman did for him, and surprise him with a steamy reality. Trust me, I don't know a man that would value even the hottest dream over a steamy reality. Make it work for you.

[Just Me85]

Yeah I agree, I know its all normal stuff, jus wish I didnt have to know!

 

But I guess on the other hand if he was that open about it it means he definitely has nothing to hide and it was just innocent unconscious fun?

 

I just wish I hadnt acted a bit jealous when he told me, now I feel like Ive lost the power!

 

x

[Ebrithil]

Hey dont worry about the jellousy its gona happen ocasionaly just think it just means you like him, but I think you know that its not a desierable traite to show the world. Everyone is guilty of saying the wrong thing some times hell Iv said the wrong thing so many times but people over look it if they know it wasnt your intention to hurt you or in this case make you a little insicure.

 

I think he is just showing his more sexaul side to you maybe trying to step the relationship up a little.

[DN]

Good for you for making a joke about it because now he knows he can be honest with you but make sure you keep it at that.

[shuttlefish]

Sexy dream about someone else - normal

Telling partner about it - not normal

 

Some things one should keep to yourself....just common sense really.

[FathomFear]

Sexy dream about someone else - normal

Telling partner about it - not normal

 

Some things one should keep to yourself....just common sense really.

 

I'd rather be in a relationship with someone comfortable enough with me to tell me such things, actually.

 

Honestly, people, they're just sex dreams. We all like having them. If I were dating a guy who told me that he had an awesome sex dream, I'd probably be jealous--but only because it wasn't me who had the dream. Not because it wasn't me he was dreaming about.

[hexaemeron]

I'd rather be in a relationship with someone comfortable enough with me to tell me such things, actually.

 

Honestly, people, they're just sex dreams. We all like having them. If I were dating a guy who told me that he had an awesome sex dream, I'd probably be jealous--but only because it wasn't me who had the dream. Not because it wasn't me he was dreaming about.

 

Seconded. I'd want to know what kind of freaky things he did with Kellan Lutz and Chris Evans in the Sugarbaker house from Designing Women.

[Miss Firecracker]

It means he's an idiot who overshared. But that's probably all it means.

 

Blunt but that's exactly what I thought.

[Kaytie]

Seconded. I'd want to know what kind of freaky things he did with Kellan Lutz and Chris Evans in the Sugarbaker house from Designing Women.

 

LOL!

 

It's no big deal. Don't sweat the small stuff. Really.

[Pinnsvini]

I've told my boyfriend about sex dreams, though mostly for the humor value as I had a rather bizarre lesbian dream involving a girl at school I despised. Dreaming about sex just means you want sex, not necessarily with the person in the dream. I've had other ones where I've woken up and just been like WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT.

[teabee]

I think dreaming about sex could mean a whole bunch of things. Could mean you want sex, but not necessarily. It more depends on the emotional content of the dream than the act itself. Most of my sex dreams don't have much to do with wanting sex in real life.

[citymouse]

Does it mean he wants to see other people? Maybe he's bored of me Even if its not that, he must be thinking about getting with other girls it if he's having dreams right? x

 

Not necessarily.

 

FWIW my former therapist once told me that there is a theory out there that when we have dreams, the people in our dreams -- no matter who they may be-- are there to reflect some aspect of ourselves.

 

That our dreams are mostly narcissistic and that is the primary function of the so-called "other" people in our dreams.

 

So while he may have dreamed of this other hot girl, the reality is that in your b/f's subconscious, she really represents some aspect of his psyche.

 

Anyway it is just a theory.

 

I'm still trying to figure out the dream my b/f had on Saturday night/he told me about on Sunday morning. That he was in NY at some sandwich stand on the street and they wouldn't give him his sandwich and he had to start arguing with them before they would give him the sandwich. LOL I'm trying to figure out if this has something to do with me and him since he had the dream when we were spending the night together. Hehe...