If SO is Travelling How Often Should They Keep In Touch?

[digger11]

I totally agree with this. Several times a day?? You guys are freaking me out over here... haha... Even under normal circumstances I find communicating via all these devices several times a day too much. Yikes!

 

Depends on the people. I need "me" time, ya know? Don't worry... I'll be back...

 

I so agree! Freaking me out too! He is in EGYPT. no cell phone, and the last thing I would want to do is be sitting at a computer.

 

I think it's selfish to expect contact multiple times a day from someone on vacation.... vacations aren't for obligations back home!

[Binoo]

I so agree! Freaking me out too! He is in EGYPT. no cell phone, and the last thing I would want to do is be sitting at a computer.

 

I think it's selfish to expect contact multiple times a day from someone on vacation.... vacations aren't for obligations back home!

 

If he had no access to a computer it wouldn't bother me. But he's been on Facebook three times today and hasn't said a word to me at all.

[digger11]

If he had no access to a computer it wouldn't bother me. But he's been on Facebook three times today and hasn't said a word to me at all.

 

I understand why that is frustrating, but it's facebook. don't read too much into it. Facebook is a place where people who are traveling can write a status and change a picture in under 30 seconds to give friends and family an update that says "hey i'm here, safe, and it's great!"

 

he also JUST arrived. To be perfectly blunt, he probably doesn't miss you he has so much other stuff going on right now. don't take it personally, it's not about you. I'm sure by the end he will be missing you, probably writing more, and anxious to see you.

 

like a said, it's a vacation, an opporunity to get away from the daily grind. let him enjoy that.

[RedDress]

If he had no access to a computer it wouldn't bother me. But he's been on Facebook three times today and hasn't said a word to me at all.

 

The concern is cheating, right? I mean... if it was about knowing that he is ok, knowing that he is having a good time, or just wanting to hear about him, the Facebook status updates and pictures would be enough, no? I can understand missing him and wanting some form of communication (to a certain extent) - but why is 'general' communication not enough? Why does it specifically have to be addressed to you.

 

I'm sorry... I really think there is more at play here than missing him and wanting to hear from him.

 

What I find ironic, is that while being concerned that he is cheating, you are adding fuel to the cheating fires. Usually these things go down like this:

Person A says "my gf/bf is SO unreasonable. They are wanting me to contact them all the time or x,y,z"

Person B says "ooooh... that is unreasonable. I would never do that. See how much more compatible we are??

 

I dunno... this would be a dealbreaker for me. If I could not feel like I could go away on vacation without having to be in constant contact... I mean... you need your own hobbies or something. He shouldn't be responsible for your happiness. You should already be happy and he should enhance that happiness whenever he feels he can.

 

Not trying to be rude, just telling it how it is.

[Binoo]

I understand why that is frustrating, but it's facebook. don't read too much into it. Facebook is a place where people who are traveling can write a status and change a picture in under 30 seconds to give friends and family an update that says "hey i'm here, safe, and it's great!"

 

he also JUST arrived. To be perfectly blunt, he probably doesn't miss you he has so much other stuff going on right now. don't take it personally, it's not about you. I'm sure by the end he will be missing you, probably writing more, and anxious to see you.

 

like a said, it's a vacation, an opporunity to get away from the daily grind. let him enjoy that.

 

Ya, I understand all that but I wrote him a letter while I was on the Gatwick Express as soon as I landed in London. I e-mailed him several times a day whenever he would send me a message. I called him long distance. I made him feel like he was still important while I was away.

I'm frustrated because when I went to London I wasn't supposed to be visiting there, I was supposed to be moving there. I had planned this months and months before I met him. I told him this upfront but he still wanted to date me and hoped I wouldn't go. So, instead I told him I would only visit the UK and come back to him. I did this because I thought he was someone who would treat me the same way I treat him but I'm not feeling it right now and kind of regret spending so much time maintaining contact with him and I'm even starting to regret coming back here. A huge reason why I came back was because we were keeping in close touch and I had thought that if the situation was reversed he would make an effort to speak with me. Now I realize I was wrong and I feel angry. I know I'm being selfish but I don't feel like there is any balance and I feel like I put more importance on him than he does on me.

[Binoo]

Understood. But I went out of my way to contact him while I was away. I'm not asking for constant contact. But when he's on all day and he has time to e-mail other people during the day but not me, yes, I do feel a bit insignificant.

[RedDress]

Understood. But I went out of my way to contact him while I was away. I'm not asking for constant contact. But when he's on all day and he has time to e-mail other people during the day but not me, yes, I do feel a bit insignificant.

 

Doesn't sound like an exciting vacation... him sitting in his hotel room all day being online and emailing everyone... How do you know he's emailing other people?

[digger11]

"I did this because I thought he was someone who would treat me the same way I treat him but I'm not feeling it right now and kind of regret spending so much time maintaining contact with him and I'm even starting to regret coming back here."

 

Yeah... I know where you are coming from. Take it as a lesson learned that he ISN'T you, and won't do things the way you do. You have to do everything because YOU WANT to, not so much on someone else. Sometimes it's important to step back and say "is this what I really want? who am I doing this for?"

[Binoo]

Doesn't sound like an exciting vacation... him sitting in his hotel room all day being online and emailing everyone... How do you know he's emailing other people?

 

Can see it on his Facebook wall thinger.

 

I don't mean he's literally just sitting in the hostel all day. But he's online enough that he could send me a quick hello, how are you. Today I did this. Miss you. Bye.

 

It's not that difficult. I'm sorry I seem so selfish but to me this is a deal breaker just as much as it is for someone to consider it a deal breaker to have to keep in touch while away.

 

I put in an insane amount of effort to keep in touch with him while I was gone and he can't even give me a quick message. He has his laptop with him and in working condition. I didn't when I was away. But I still found a computer to e-mail him on despite that.

 

If he wasn't online today I wouldn't be angry at all. But he is on several times a day and he can't even say hello.

[RedDress]

to me this is a deal breaker just as much as it is for someone to consider it a deal breaker to have to keep in touch while away.

 

Then you need to tell him this and be prepared to walk if he doesn't follow through... Who cares if it looks controlling? It's a dealbreaker. Dealbreakers are dealbreakers.

[Binoo]

Then you need to tell him this and be prepared to walk if he doesn't follow through... Who cares if it looks controlling? It's a dealbreaker. Dealbreakers are dealbreakers.

 

Ya.

I guess he's just not a good fit for me. I don't want to be a controlling person and I don't want him to see it as me being controlling.

I think I just need someone who wants to keep in touch with me and tell me about their day and ask me about mine.

 

This isn't the first time that he's done something like this.

Every time he's really depressed about something I stay by his side. I've cancelled concerts, get togethers with friends etc. to keep him company.

I was really depressed a couple weeks back. He told me he was going to grab a coffee and be back before 12am.

Well, he didn't come home. I texted. I called. I didn't know where he was at 12:30am. I didn't know if he was dead in a ditch or what.

Turns out he ran into a friend and they went to a bar. Which is no problem. But he didn't even send me a quick message to let me know what was going on and I'm stuck inside by myself depressed and wondering where he is.

 

He told me he wouldn't do that again and I know this isn't the same thing but I just feel like he's very inconsiderate when it comes to things like this and I honestly cannot wrap my head around the fact that he can be online several times a day and literally not say a word to me at all. If he's out and about having fun, fine. Don't e-mail me. I don't expect him to be sitting at the computer during his trip. But if you are going to be online, why not say a quick hello? I just can't understand why that is such a task. I'm glad he's okay and I'm glad he's having fun and infact it was ME who convinced him to take a longer trip than he originally planned to but quite honestly if I knew this type of behaviour was in his character I wouldn't have even come back to this country. I think it's very rude, inconsiderate and unfair that he can't even send a sentence to me.

[digger11]

I agree, if it's a dealbreaker, then let him know. i would just wait a few more days, just to give him an opportunity, and don't write him in the meantime.

 

are you young? it sounds like your bf is. I completely understand what you mean when you say that you don't care he met a friend at the bar,but that he should shoot a quick "hey i will be home later than expected"

 

it irritates me to no end. then they think you're mad that they met the friend rather than the lack of communication.

 

how long have you been together?

[penelope13]

I put in an insane amount of effort to keep in touch with him while I was gone and he can't even give me a quick message. He has his laptop with him and in working condition. I didn't when I was away. But I still found a computer to e-mail him on despite that.

 

Did he ask you for this/ did he expect this from you? Or did you do this, because you wanted to, i.e. it was YOUR choice to be so much in touch with him.

 

People have different opinions/ expectations/ needs. You can't expect someone to see eye to eye with you if you have not expressed clearly what it is you want and need.

[Binoo]

I agree, if it's a dealbreaker, then let him know. i would just wait a few more days, just to give him an opportunity, and don't write him in the meantime.

 

are you young? it sounds like your bf is. I completely understand what you mean when you say that you don't care he met a friend at the bar,but that he should shoot a quick "hey i will be home later than expected"

 

it irritates me to no end. then they think you're mad that they met the friend rather than the lack of communication.

 

how long have you been together?

 

 

He's 27. I'm 22. We've been together almost 10 months.

I know he loves travelling and I want him to have fun and enjoy himself and the fact that I convinced him and supported him going longer when everyone else was saying no because I knew how badly he wanted to go, I think doesn't make me a controlling person.

I just want to hear from him. Yes, I worry about his safety above all and I'm glad when he updates I know he's okay but I just feel so worthless right now.

[geekgirl4]

Binoo, you said earlier that he thinks you're a laid back kind of person. Be honest with yourself and with him and just let him know that you'd like to hear back from him in emails about how the trip is currently going. And let him know you miss him like crazy! I think a quick email once a day is very reasonable, or every two days if he's doing very intense touring. You're just sitting here going crazy from facebook. Be honest with him and let him know you wish he'd contact you a bit more often since you want to know how his trip is going. Living vicariously through him, whatevers. Just let him know!

[savignon]

My husband went to visit his family in another country for about a month and we only talked every couple of days b/c of the limited availabilty of phone/internet/etc. Not to mention he was out enjoying his family and friends who he doesn't see often. I missed him, of course, but we had no schedule whatsoever of how often we would be in touch with each other. I really thought his visit should be his priority and I hope he would do the same for me.

Just giving you another perspective.

[Binoo]

My husband went to visit his family in another country for about a month and we only talked every couple of days b/c of the limited availabilty of phone/internet/etc. Not to mention he was out enjoying his family and friends who he doesn't see often. I missed him, of course, but we had no schedule whatsoever of how often we would be in touch with each other. I really thought his visit should be his priority and I hope he would do the same for me.

Just giving you another perspective.

 

I know. I understand that if there is limited availability for phone and internet of course I wouldn't be angry if he couldn't communicate with me much.

But in the past two days he's been on his Facebook at least 4 times and he hasn't said anything to me.

And I get that maybe he's just on and off really quick updating his photos and such but I really think that after almost a week of him being on Facebook multiple times a day and I haven't heard from him it's frustrating and it makes me feel so unimportant. If he can't e-mail me everyday then fine. But he's been gone nearly a week now and he hasn't found all of two minutes [ which is roughly the same amount of time to upload new pictures ] to send me a quick message.

Again, limited access and little communication is understandable. This is not.

And he's not visiting with family or friends. If he were I wouldn't expect him to contact me at all, to be honest. But he's there alone.

[Binoo]

He e-mailed me!!! And we've sent 4 e-mails back and forth tonight. I feel so much better

 

I need to learn to stop freaking out straight away

[geekgirl4]

I'm glad for you! And to learn from all this, you should store this experience away. The next time he goes on a trip and doesn't send emails right away, it's probably because he's caught up in sightseeing or exhausted from walking everywhere. Be patient, send him an email asking how he's doing and update you on how he is, and not go crazy!

[digger11]

glad he wrote, thanks for the update!

[Zoom2]

I just woke up and checked my Facebook again and he uploaded a new picture of himself but still hasn't e-mailed me

 

i know this is an old post, but i am facing the same problem now. I am travelling by myself for one month...doing a multi countries trip in Asia. My live-in boyfriend is at home, not travelling anywhere. Throughout my trip, i was always the one who initiate all contacts...i would send emails, pictures to keep him posted of my trip. I would also call him from skype. His email and chat message responses are very few and lukewarm (all one liners like great, have fun, enjoy etc)...however, when we talked, he seems loving and says he misses me on the skype call. Since a week ago, i emailed to tell him that i was going into some tropical forest for jungle trekking trip. i gave him the specific dates of my trip, he knows when it ends and when i will be back at my sister's house. However, one week passed by and not an email from him. NOT A SINGLE WORD from him asking me whether i have safely return, or just dropping a line to say hi. I know he is alive and well because i see him online on gtalk all the time. I am not sure whether he sees me because my status is online too....but if he did, he never initiate any conversation with me. I am very upset and dont know how to handle this situation now. I have not made any contact with him since i came back from my jungle trekking trip...i wanted to see if he would contact me if he hasnt heard from me....however, he seems to not give a damn at all even after one week of not hearing from me.

THe problem is, my trip is ending, and i am going home in 3 days. He doesnt even email to ask me when i am due to come back (he knew that i will be home somewhere around next week and assume i would call him if i need a ride from the airport)....i dont know what to do anymore. Some of my friends suggested that i just pick up the phone and call him. But i guess i am struggling with my pride, honestly, if he can't spend 1 minute dropping me an email (in 7 days!!!), asking me whether i have safely returned from my trip, or just plain saying hello, he obviously isnt thinking about me or too busy doing something else. Like you i feel really unimportant....i mean, one whole week and not one words from the man who has been in my life for the past 3 years.

 

Right now, i am just thinking about going home without telling him...just show up at the door....i dont know what is the right thing to do...part of me already assumes that he wants to break up with me. Am i crazy to assume that?

[hexaemeron]

However often he felt like communicating with me would be fine with me. I don't need him to check in with me like a child, and I'm not insecure so it wouldn't be a case of "I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM. HE'S OBVIOUSLY WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!"

 

When he has something to say or wants to share with me, he will. I'm not going to put expectations on that. Again, where's the romance in obligation?

[Fudgie]

I would say some sort of communication (email, IM, text, call) once a day is definitely fine.

 

When I went traveling, I had no issues doing so with a boyfriend back home. You make time for it. I often texted like 3x throughout the day (more like a "hi, I'm thinking of you! I just saw ______ and it was great!) and then call them for a little bit that evening over Voip. I was often busy during the day and at night but a quick phone call was fine.

[hexaemeron]

I would say some sort of communication (email, IM, text, call) once a day is definitely fine.

 

When I went traveling, I had no issues doing so with a boyfriend back home. You make time for it. I often texted like 3x throughout the day (more like a "hi, I'm thinking of you! I just saw ______ and it was great!) and then call them for a little bit that evening over Voip. I was often busy during the day and at night but a quick phone call was fine.

 

But why? If you have nothing to say, what's the point? It just reeks of obligation. "You'll get butthurt if I don't talk to you, so I'm talking to you."