Binoo Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 If your SO was away travelling for a month, how often would you expect/want/need to hear from them either through phone, e-mail etc. for you to be satisfied? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digger11 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 once a week. let them enjoy the trip! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I'd like to hear from her at least couple times a day...I wouldn't say more the merrier but it'd be nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binoo Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 I think I'm a bit disappointed. I went travelling for a month on my own as well and I kept in touch everyday, sometimes several times a day. I would e-mail him, write letters and even call him. I think I'm just kind of upset because I sent him an e-mail this morning and he updated his Facebook status about an hour ago but didn't send me a message. Just feeling kind of sad about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celestialagape54 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I'd like to hear from her at least couple times a day...I wouldn't say more the merrier but it'd be nice. I guess it would depend on how much access they had to technology, but I agree with sidehop I think the least I would settle for depending on the circumstances is once a day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I think I'm a bit disappointed. I went travelling for a month on my own as well and I kept in touch everyday, sometimes several times a day. I would e-mail him, write letters and even call him. I think I'm just kind of upset because I sent him an e-mail this morning and he updated his Facebook status about an hour ago but didn't send me a message. Just feeling kind of sad about it. Is he just not a phone/communicator type in this regard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lamour detruit Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Its not difficult at all. A call, email or even some web cam if you have a laptop, would be entirely possible every few days. I went to Spain while my girl at that time was in the US last year. I had no issue emailing here every couple of days. Not only that, I managed to talk on aim daily, and even called her one time. Its possible to be too busy to talk, but saying you can't send at least an email every few days is nonsense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simply Sweet Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I suppose it would depend on the circumstances...for example if he was away on business I would expect to hear from him less than if he were on a leisure trip (no less than once a day though!!) My boyfriend went to visit his family for three weeks once without me and we communicated many times throughout each day (mostly texting/facebook messages and the occasional phone call.) It's all each person's preference though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binoo Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 Is he just not a phone/communicator type in this regard? Well, we're both not really phone people but when I was away on my trip I would send him e-mails and/or calls several times a day and he would respond to all of them. I just feel really unimportant right now. When he's at home by himself I go out of my way to keep in close touch but when he's away I feel like I'll be forgotten by the end of the week. I don't know what to say to him though. If I tell him I want to hear from him more he'll probably think I'm too controlling. I just want the same treatment I gave to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 The "I want to hear from him" wouldn't be controlling, you're not accusing him of not calling or doing something to communicate with you. Maybe he's in this comfort zone where he doesn't feel the need to call you all the time? I'm sure if you didn't pick up or answer him while he was away the table will turn really quick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binoo Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 The "I want to hear from him" wouldn't be controlling, you're not accusing him of not calling or doing something to communicate with you. Maybe he's in this comfort zone where he doesn't feel the need to call you all the time? I'm sure if you didn't pick up or answer him while he was away the table will turn really quick. I dunno. I guess I'll wait it out and see if he'll e-mail me tonight. The time zone is different so maybe he's waiting until his day is over to write me. Just made me feel like crap when I saw his status was updated but he didn't reply to my e-mail. I worry that over the next few weeks communication will be way too limited for me. It's a hard spot for me to be in because he considers me really laid back most of the time and I don't know if he's taking his time getting back to me because he thinks it won't bother me or if he's just going to blow me off until he comes back home not thinking about how it makes me feel. Honestly, I wouldn't be bothered half as much except that every time I got a message from him while I was travelling I responded. First thing I did when I logged on. And I feel I'll have to wait until he comes home before I can talk to him about it if this is the way it's going to be until he gets back. Because I worry I'll start a fight while he's not even here. So stressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celestialagape54 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 The "I want to hear from him" wouldn't be controlling, you're not accusing him of not calling or doing something to communicate with you. Maybe he's in this comfort zone where he doesn't feel the need to call you all the time? I'm sure if you didn't pick up or answer him while he was away the table will turn really quick. Again, I agree with sidehop perhaps he thinks that by contacting you too much or something along those lines he is pestering you or something. He could feel that this is time for the two of you guys to be away from each other.... I would merely just say you like hearing from him and you like to know he doing alright Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Is this one of the reasons why you may be paranoid? This isn't the same guy that cheated on you before no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binoo Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 Is this one of the reasons why you may be paranoid? This isn't the same guy that cheated on you before no? Oh, that. Ya, it bothered me at first but I looked into it a little more and it doesn't seem like a huge deal. There's her and a few other people going on this adventure travel package thinger and she was in the group on the forum but apparently it's a few people meeting up, not just the two of them [ as far as I understand now ]. I'm still a bit wary but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. He's not in that country yet, he's in a different one. No, he's never cheated on me before. That was an ex boyfriend. I don't think it's that I'm paranoid. I just want to be treated the way I treat my SO. I've been in so many relationships before where I feel like I care more about the person than they do about me. I need balance in a relationship. If while I was away on my travels I only e-mailed him once a week, I would expect him to do the same. But I was keeping in touch constantly. And I didn't have access to my laptop when I first arrived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digger11 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 he is going to egypt.... this means long hot days, lots of adventure, and a big time change. relax!!! there is nothing worse than when someone goes on a trip and they are continually talking checking in with their SO. it's like they are not fully there. of course you miss him but take this time for yourself... and let him enjoy his time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I just want to be treated the way I treat my SO. I've been in so many relationships before where I feel like I care more about the person than they do about me. I need balance in a relationship. It's understandable. Plus if he's on a fun non-business travel I'm sure new things and the different time zones like you mentioned can throw things off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 As my SO, I'd expect at least an email once a day. If you can update a Facebook status, you can take 10 secs to shoot your girlfriend an email. Don't worry though. He is having fun so yeah, enjoy yourself as well. Every couple needs time apart, keeps things in perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 once a week. let them enjoy the trip! I totally agree with this. Several times a day?? You guys are freaking me out over here... haha... Even under normal circumstances I find communicating via all these devices several times a day too much. Yikes! Depends on the people. I need "me" time, ya know? Don't worry... I'll be back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I totally agree with this. Several times a day?? You guys are freaking me out over here... haha... Even under normal circumstances I find communicating via all these devices several times a day too much. Yikes! Depends on the people. I need "me" time, ya know? Don't worry... I'll be back... Couple time isn't bad...not eight or ten (although I personally wouldn't mind that either lol!) I guess it really does depend on how the couple communicates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I agree with Sidehop. I don't think it's unreasonable to want contact a few times a day especially as you are not getting to see each other. Text's a few times a day would be fine, but maybe a decent conversation for about 10 minutes on the phone some days would also be enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Asti_ Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Daily. I think its too hard to go away and not want to stay in touch. It doesn't matter what I do, my guy is on my mind quite frequently and the urge to be in touch is always there..and I know its mutual. We've never had an issue with the other person not staying in touch enough..so for us..daily contact in various ways is what occurs. Especially as time goes by and the length of time apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I would expect to hear every day or every other day - even if it's just a two-line e-mail saying "hi thinking of you and bye" - if he has easy access to communication. If he does not have easy phone or internet access, I would expect to hear every 3-4 days. I've been abroad several times when I had a boyfriend, for several months at a time twice. Cell phones did work at all - and didn't have access to internet in my residence. In the first case we did not speak on the phone every day, as it was super expensive for me to do it (every 3-4 days), but I would to go a wireless internet cafe pretty much every day just to check in, and if not then at least every other day. The second case I had no access to internet, but I got myself to a pay phone about every 3-4 days. Honestly I would be peeved if he had time for facebook but not to send a quick "hi sweetie I'm doing well, miss you tons, will tell more later" message. I don't expect a traveling boyfriend to miss out on the experience because he's spending all day looking for a way to contact me, but if it's easy to do, then I would expect a little tidbit once a day. I think it's important to stay bonded, and I wouldn't view keeping in touch as a chore (I always wanted to be in touch with my boyfriend frequently!) if he has easy ways to contact you - again, totally different if he has to traipse out to a pay phone center a few villages over or to an internet cafe far away, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Binoo Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 I just woke up and checked my Facebook again and he uploaded a new picture of himself but still hasn't e-mailed me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie274 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I just woke up and checked my Facebook again and he uploaded a new picture of himself but still hasn't e-mailed me Ok, I think what you need to do is get off facebook for now - it will only make you feel worse. Just wait until you hear from him, and when he does write (or call), make sure you tell him how great it is to hear from him and that you'd love to hear from him whenever he has a chance. Whenever I've been far from a boyfriend, I've felt best about missing him (ie felt ok about him being away and didn't miss him too much when I adjusted my level of contact to his. Contacting him and not hearing back made me feel really bad, usually, so if he wrote to me every few days I would just tell myself that that was what I was going to get, and settle into that pattern. I think this is the kind of situation where arguments (telling him he has to contact more, although I do recommend positive reinforcement when he does write or call) end up being fruitless and putting more distance between you two. I'd just get away from the computer and get your mind off the fact that he hasn't called and onto something more fun for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SocialStigma Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I wouldn't expect any communication if it was a leisure vacation/volunteering trip. The point of going on vacation is to go out and have fun, take part in new activities etc, not stay in the hotel room to talk to me! Whenever either of us go on international trips, we can't contact each other anyways. Longest we've gone with absolutely no contact (no phone/email/letters) was 3 months when I went on a volunteering trip in rural China. He wrote me an email for everyday that I was gone and when I got back home, my inbox was flooded with emails and I got to read all about how he spent those 3 months. I did the same, I wrote him letters while I was on my trip and gave them all to him when I got back If it was a business trip then I'd expect couple times a week since then I'd assume they have access to technology. And I would be upset if he clearly had time for Facebook but not to even say "miss you and wish you were here" to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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