How far are you willing to travel for a date?

[peanutbutterandjelly]

For those of you who do online dating, how far are you willing to travel for a date? Dating sites all have an option to only search for people in your preferred range of distance. What setting do you have yours on?

 

My maximum has been 50 miles, but I am thinking of looking further. I'm not sure though. Do I really want to travel further than that just to meet up with someone for an hour for coffee to see if we click? For those of you who have met people who lived 2-3 hours away, how did you end up doing it?

 

I am thinking of expanding mostly because 75 miles away from me is a major US city. I think that my chance of finding someone would be much greater if I expand to a place where there are millions of people. On a good day, it takes about 2 hour to get into the city with all the traffic. I would hope if I met someone on there, we could travel half way or something.

 

The only problem I see with this is that I absolutely hate large cities. I have no desire to live in one and would much rather live in a small town. Even the suburbs of this major city are wwaaay to big for my liking. I wouldnt be willing to move into the city, so would looking there be absolutely pointless in my situation?

[savignon]

I would drive about 30-40 minutes tops (not sure in miles..??) I know which towns I wouldn't drive to and you probably do too (based on distance/time away) so put in a wide range and then don't click on or pursue people who live in a place you consider too far.

Best wishes...have fun!!

[orchidrose]

I live in the city and I don't drive, so I generally don't date guys outside of my city proper. I've gone on a few dates with guys who live in the suburbs and came into the city for our meeting.

[Shallow]

I'm lazy, so probably 25 miles or so.

 

I'm about an hour from downtown, and they'd have to be pretty spectacular for me to travel there a few times a week. If I knew this, I'd have no problem. However, to get to the point of finding out, I'd rather exhaust my closer options first.

[pinkelephant]

Depends on how desperate I am. If I had options who lived closer, I'd go for the closer ones first. THEN if none of them worked out, for whatever reason, I'd go for a long distance guy... but I mean, if you have plenty of people around... why bother going through the trouble?

 

 

 

I've had guys drive anywhere from 30 to an hour to see me though (my ex drove 2 and a half hours to see me for our first date and then 2 hours back.. so ya, 5 hours in total. LOL) so I think guys are more willing than girls are.. and tend to be the ones who do the traveling. So.. if he doesn't mind then... maybe it's not really an issue?

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Thanks for the replies. It seems like online dating isn't really too popular in my area. I browse and there only seem to be 50-75 men in my age range and within 50 miles. I know that's not a small number, but I have messaged some already, some are looking for hookups, some I'm not compatible with, etc etc, so it's really not a big selection. Also, I havn't gotten a single message from a new guy in a week.

 

I think most guys wouldnt mind either meeting in the middle of driving all the way if they were really interested. I worry what would happen if I did find someone and how that would work out if we wanted to become exclusive. I wouldnt expect him to come visit me all the time, but I dont know if I would be wiling to travel there a couple times a week. I just really loathe the city, but it seems like a good opportunity to meet someone if I'm willing to expand.

[BriarRose]

The last guy I dated drove 1500 miles, lol! We had a LD thing, but it didn't work out. Generally, I keep it on 60 miles. But I would be willing to drive out of state if we hit it off and he put in equal effort.

[marshmlofluff]

It's my experience that

 

(a) men are very willing to drive (my present BF is LDR, 4.5 hours, and he doesn't bat an eyelash)

 

but that

 

(b) most people in cities typically hate rural areas as much as you hate cities, and my living in a rural area has been an immediate dealbreaker. Granted, a lot of it is prejudice, and they have never tried living in a small town--but either way, it's hard to change their mind.

 

I don't hate small town life but I do understand what they are saying--if you are a single person used to living in a place with lots of job opportunities, public transit, restaurants, cultural attractions, diversity, and things to do, it's really hard to make the transition to a small town.

 

I'd just put your ad up and be open-minded; those guys who contact you know where you live and are probably willing to make the drive (at least, that was my experience.)

[Shallow]

my present BF is LDR, 4.5 hours, and he doesn't bat an eyelash

 

Wow, all these LDR's.

 

I'm probably the loneliest guy on the planet and I wouldn't even consider one. Maybe that's a reason why.

[DrKitten]

I live about an hour's drive away from two major cities, so probably no more than that. 50-60ish miles.

[marshmlofluff]

Wow, all these LDR's.

 

I'm probably the loneliest guy on the planet and I wouldn't even consider one. Maybe that's a reason why.

 

Well, everyone knows what works for him/her. LDR is not for everyone.

 

In my case, the guy does shift work, so he has a week on work followed by a week completely off. He also has no problems driving, has a job that he can do anywhere, and long-term is willing to relocate. That makes a huge difference: I don't know how we would swing it otherwise--I am in a job where I have very little flexibility.

 

The thing was, he knew he could deal with all of those things before he started dating me; he picked me out, pursued the relationship, and assured me he would make sure the LDR was not a problem (and in fact, due to his flexibility and his efforts, it has not been.) He had said his radius was 500 miles.

 

So that is why as far as the OP, maybe a good strategy is putting the ad out there and letting men from the city contact her? The ones who do are most likely ones who know where she lives and don't mind.

 

Early on, when I did have doubts, and thought we were too far apart and all, he quoted to me a Barenaked Ladies' song:

 

If you question what I would do

To get over and be with you

Lift you up over everything...

 

I was skeptical--but in retrospect, he meant it. He's an awesome dude, and I am one lucky girl.

 

So I guess my answer to the original question is that if the couple has the life circumstances and intestinal fortitude that make LDR feasible, the distance can be quite large.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Wow, yeah, I give a lot of credit to the people who are able to do the long distance thing... I couldnt do it. I think the most I would be willing to do was maybe 2-2.5 hours, but even that would be stretching it.

 

I live about 20 mintues away from the train station and it's about an hour and 20 minutes into the city by train, so I guess it wouldnt be all that bad.

 

But like marshmellowfluff said, the city vs country mindset might be more of an issue. If someone is living in the city, it's usually because they like that particular lifestyle. I'm very slowed paced and laid back. Maybe I should move south lol

[Batya33]

For me it was about an hour or so -- I did not want to do an LDR with a stranger but my husband and I were long distance for most of our relationship but we knew each other well for years and had dated before. I think there is too much fantasy involved in getting to know a stranger long distance.

[marshmlofluff]

But like marshmellowfluff said, the city vs country mindset might be more of an issue. If someone is living in the city, it's usually because they like that particular lifestyle.

 

That and actually the biggest problem I and many other professors here have come up against is that men in cities, even if they are willing to pick up the small-town life, are often unable to find jobs in rural areas.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

That and actually the biggest problem I and many other professors here have come up against is that men in cities, even if they are willing to pick up the small-town life, are often unable to find jobs in rural areas.

 

yes, that is definitely understandable. Like I said, I live 75 miles away from the city, and many many people around here actually commute there. A lot of people actually consider where I live to be the far off suburbs of the city. My dad works for the city and commutes and hour and a half each way every day, i have friends who work in the city, growing up most of my friends parents worked in the city etc. So technically, I guess you could call where I live more suburban than rural.. but the "real" subburbs of the city 15-30 minutes away are still waaay to urban for me. I woudlnt want my man to have to commute 1.5-2 hours each way to work though.. i dont know how people do it.