I contacted this guy first - now he expects me to be the one to call!

[citymouse]

Ahhhhrghh...it's just frustrating.

 

Also, don't feel frustrated. Unlike me, you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. There is hope for me yet, I finally got my head on straight and found a nice guy who I think is probably the one. It's working out really well -- but it's a shame it took me so long to stop settling for crumbs.

 

 

Everyone makes mistakes. But some people (like me) made the same mistakes over.... and over..... and over......

 

Don't go there! Turn things around now, dump this guy and move on! Get a hobby or join a club, do online dating, something. There has to be some nice guy out there somewhere who would give anything to meet a nice girl like you.

[desert_rose26]

Aww..thanks citymouse It does feel like I'm doing the same mistakes over and over...I'm just starting to feel a pattern. I'm gonna break the pattern before it eats me alive. I already spent too much time on this person that couldn't even catch me on the phone! And I am on online dating..and a very cute guy just messaged me hah.

 

I don't feel very young..I feel like time is running out. I haven't even had one long relationship yet. I know everyone gets their time when it's right but..I think it takes some luck too. I never have much luck..but will be optimistic. We can only hope. And I hope it continues to go well with your guy. Make each day count and it is already a success.

[Iakasot]

You're going to drive yourself crazy with this. Trust me, it's not worth it. When they don't give a flip about tracking you down and lining up a date with you... it's not worth it.

 

If both men and women followed what you're suggesting here, relationships wouldn't exist. Everyone would just sit back waiting to be tracked down, and not do it themselves. It's a double standard here, because SHE doesn't care about tracking him down and lining up a date with him, but you're suggesting that he should. He cared enough to call 5 times. Do you have any idea how easy it is to look creepy for guys?

 

He's probably thinking: "Wow, if I call again she'll think I'm some kind of creep". "Tracking a girl down" is just an invitation to look loserish, creepy, and stalkish in said girl's eyes. Think about how judgmental the girls in this topic have been, now picture applying that judgmental trait to him tracking her down, how he'd be judged. Guys can't win...

 

That being said, Desert_rose, what mistakes have you made with this guy that you've made before with others? Sometimes it's important to break patterns and go against the inclination to do what you'd normally do to get a better outcome in life. Fact still remains though, he called you, you didn't call him, and now he's being judged as the one who didn't try hard enough even though you didn't try hard enough yourself.

[citymouse]

You're right, there is a double standard. But I still stand by what I said.

[Iakasot]

You're right, there is a double standard. But I still stand by what I said.

 

He's being judged as not trying hard enough for something where he tried harder than she did. I just don't find that to be fair.

 

Also, why the obsession with "There is a nice guy out there who will do ANYTHING to meet a nice girl like you"? Yes, there probably is, and you'll probably find that guy creepy. Normal people don't have the "I'll do anything" attitude towards dating, you know that, that's exactly WHY you'd find him creepy.

 

I can understand the approach of not repeating the same mistakes over and over, so let's figure out what mistakes she made with this guy and whether they were similar to mistakes with previous guys.

[desert_rose26]

Hi guys...some of you (or more of you rather) will be disappointed to find out that I texted him back!...I know..what was I thinking..well, this is what I was thinking - There is no harm in seeing the turnout. The worst that'll happen is nothing. And plus, I don't know what is going on in his mind..he doesn't know me and I don't know him. So I don't take it personally yet. We didn't learn much about each other..very short sentences in msgs.

 

So..I sent the text saying that I should be available to chat tonight. and well, he didn't. But he called the next night. And we talked for 45 mins or so..I still can't tell who he is..but he seems like he's taking it as a joke a bit...maybe he's nervous I don't know..he was trying to seem...i dunno.."aloof"? yeah..anyways..it was 45 mins into the convo and I didn't want to spend too much more time on the phone so I asked if he'd still like to meet up..and he said yes and asked when and where. So I suggested a place and then he the weird part is he said he hasn't been to the place I suggested for a long time but it was ok ...and then suggested if I could meet somewhere else and said that it's not because it's better for him. but in retrospect, the place he suggested WAS better for him --I'm not expecting anything out of this..just to satisfy my curiosity. and will let you guys know the finale. lol...oh yeah, and finally learn for myself from this kind of experience. He will be the first guy that I've contacted first on a dating site.

 

OH, he mentioned that I will be the first girl he is meeting offline. and also asked if I thought it was weird to meet a complete stranger from online. I'm getting a vibe that he is ashamed of online dating and that he thinks it's a joke and that nothing really serious can come from it..and he's just trying it out. (rest assured he didn't say these things...I'm just assuming)

[savignon]

"There is a nice guy out there who will do ANYTHING to meet a nice girl like you"? Yes, there probably is, and you'll probably find that guy creepy. Normal people don't have the "I'll do anything" attitude towards dating, you know that, that's exactly WHY you'd find him creepy.

I agree. Sometimes guys can't win for losing.

[desert_rose26]

It went well..but no chemistry..he was surprisingly nicer than the last guy I met!

[Ms Darcy]

Oh well. At least you tried!