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I contacted this guy first - now he expects me to be the one to call!

desert_rose26

By desert_rose26
in Dating Advice

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Iakasot Rookie

Iakasot

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update: i just called him..and he didn't answer. I left a quick short message with my number. I have a bad low voice. So it probably scared him off already. I vowed before not to let the guy hear my voice before meeting...this will confirm my fears.

 

It won't "confirm" them if he calls back. Why did you say "will" instead of "might". Doesn't that imply you're already negatively attuned towards failure? Is this really the kind of attitude you want to project to someone you might want to date? It's always good to put your best foot forward, and project a positive attitude, desert_rose, hope everything works out though =D

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desert_rose26 Community Regular

desert_rose26

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well. here's another update: he texted 2 hours later (late at night) and asked if it was too late to call me back. I didn't feel like talking, was just about to head to bed. so I texted him back the following morning saying "anytime before 10pm is good". I was out that evening and for some reason my cell phone turned itself off that night...so now I have no idea if he tried to call or not! But if he's smart, he'll know that my phone was off coz it usually goes straight to voicemail if it is. And no, he didn't text me or leave a message. Now I don't know if he called or not.

 

I guess it doesn't matter..if he is really interested, he'd call again. So I don't have to do anything and just see if he contacts me. Right? I definitely am not going to call him again.

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desert_rose26 Community Regular

desert_rose26

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When that happens to me I get around it by giving them my number and saying I hope they don't mind but I'm a bit old fashioned/traditional and I like the man to call me first. Works for me.

 

When you tell them that, the guys don't get turned off? How old are these guys? mid 20's? I would try that..but I have a hard time believing it'll work.

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desert_rose26 Community Regular

desert_rose26

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It won't "confirm" them if he calls back. Why did you say "will" instead of "might". Doesn't that imply you're already negatively attuned towards failure? Is this really the kind of attitude you want to project to someone you might want to date? It's always good to put your best foot forward, and project a positive attitude, desert_rose, hope everything works out though =D

 

You're right, it won't confirm...I guess I've already made up my mind that I don't like to talk before meeting. It's just that based on my past experience, my voice did not do justice for me. I should just learn from it..

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Iakasot Rookie

Iakasot

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When that happens to me I get around it by giving them my number and saying I hope they don't mind but I'm a bit old fashioned/traditional and I like the man to call me first. Works for me.

I agree with desert_rose, that would put me off. When the calls are 50/50, that's good for my self esteem. It makes me feel like I know where I stand, because she's interested in calling at least some of the time. If a girl starts calling slightly more often I know she's gaining interest, so it helps in navigating the relationship. If I'm always the one to call first, that leaves me nowhere to stand, it feels like walking through darkness.

 

My reply to you would be "Yeah, but how would I know if you're interested or not? If I always call, then it wouldn't be that different from stalker/stalkee relationships, they're basically one person always calling first. I don't wanna put myself into that position. I'm sure it happens to other guys and they beat themselves up for being dumb and always calling because the girl wouldn't call them. I want a girl to like me for who I am, not because I'm traditional, and always am the one to put my heart on the line for rejection every call. Good luck finding a guy who will always call first, it's not common today, because everyone wants an equal shot at love. Here's your number back *gives paper back*. Goodbye."

 

well. here's another update: he texted 2 hours later (late at night) and asked if it was too late to call me back. I didn't feel like talking, was just about to head to bed. so I texted him back the following morning saying "anytime before 10pm is good". I was out that evening and for some reason my cell phone turned itself off that night...so now I have no idea if he tried to call or not! But if he's smart, he'll know that my phone was off coz it usually goes straight to voicemail if it is. And no, he didn't text me or leave a message. Now I don't know if he called or not.

 

I guess it doesn't matter..if he is really interested, he'd call again. So I don't have to do anything and just see if he contacts me. Right? I definitely am not going to call him again.

 

Not everyone reaches the "logical" conclusion when it comes to dating, because a lot of people (including you) play games with it. He can't assume that your phone was off because of an accident, and not because you didn't wanna talk to him that particular day. He could easily interpret it as a lack of interest on your part.

 

"I don't have to do anything" is an attitude that promotes failure, because look at the situation, right now it's almost like you're feeling entitled to a call.

Would a guy really want that in a mate, if they KNEW you have that attitude and could see what you were saying right now? Be the bigger person, and put yourself out there. The LEAST you owe him is a text saying you accidentally turned your phone off that evening and no one could reach you so you apologize and tell him not to take that as a sign of rejection.

 

Pretty simple, IMO.

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amipushy Explorer

amipushy

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I agree with desert_rose, that would put me off. When the calls are 50/50, that's good for my self esteem. It makes me feel like I know where I stand, because she's interested in calling at least some of the time.

 

I was talking about the first time, not everytime or 50/50.

 

If I want to be a lady about it, then they need to be a gentleman and call me first or find someone else who enjoys chasing a guy because I do not and from what the OP has said, neither does she.

 

And just giving my number out tells them I'm interested.

 

Besides I was just giving a solution a the problem that I use and works for me, the OP can take it, adjust it to suit her words, or leave it. Whatever.

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BriarRose Community Regular

BriarRose

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well, the verdict is in..he ain't gonna call...coz he hasn't yet. If I missed the call well, too bad..I had the courage to msg him first..and call him first..I'm done.

Just always remember, if a man is interested, you will hear from him. Save yourself the angst of wondering whether to call or not.

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desert_rose26 Community Regular

desert_rose26

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ok guys..I'm not sure if you guys still remember this thread..but I have an update:

 

Remember that I was the one that called him first...and he didn't answer..and then he sent a text asking if it was too late (11pm) to call back.. I waited till the next day to text back saying anytime before 10pm is good. It's been a week and I don't hear from him..and then today he sends a text saying:

 

"you have a very limiting phoning timeline, I have attempted to contact u five times in the last week, and it's all been out of the given curfew"

 

"out of the given curfew"? I don't understand why he keeps purposely calling me when I'm not available. If he can't call before 10pm then why didn't he just tell me that? It just looks stupid now. I don't believe that 5 times he called and he wasn't able to get me..it's not hard to catch someone during the day. yeesh.

 

What do you all think? should I pitch or ditch? And when I DO call back, what time should I call???

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citymouse Contributor

citymouse

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Don't do it! That would be like grabbing at straws and it will make you look desperate.

 

You already told him he could call and he didn't. If he really liked you and truly found it inconvenient to call you before 10 p.m., don't you think he could have found a nicer way to say that to you? He sounds like a jerk. Don't waste your time, there are plenty of nice guys out there.

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desert_rose26 Community Regular

desert_rose26

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Don't do it! That would be like grabbing at straws and it will make you look desperate.

 

You already told him he could call and he didn't. If he really liked you and truly found it inconvenient to call you before 10 p.m., don't you think he could have found a nicer way to say that to you? He sounds like a jerk. Don't waste your time, there are plenty of nice guys out there.

 

I don't know if this means anything but if you read my thread...the day after I told him to call before 10pm my phone was off during that time. Any someone here suggested that he could have taken my phone being off as a rejection.

 

I know it doesn't sound really good right now my situation but I'm curious and I guess I want to see what he's like.

 

Maybe he works evenings?

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citymouse Contributor

citymouse

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I'm curious and I guess I want to see what he's like.

 

Maybe he works evenings?

 

You're going to drive yourself crazy with this. Trust me, it's not worth it. When they don't give a flip about tracking you down and lining up a date with you... it's not worth it.

 

IMO your time would be better spent trying to figure out why you are interesting in getting to know someone better after he made a snide comment about your curfew hours or whatever.

 

Maybe he doesn't work evenings and can't be bothered?

 

Please don't waste your time on this one... if you do, you're prolonging the day that you meet a truly nice guy who truly wants to be with you. Life is short. When I was your age I wasted ridiculous amounts of time on losers and making the same excuses that you're making. Fast forward 20 years later and I am still single and finally starting to figure it out. Do you want to end up like me or do you want to start changing things today by saving your time and energy only for guys who are truly interested in being with you?

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desert_rose26 Community Regular

desert_rose26

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okkk..I have to be realistic..he is just not that into me...I almost tricked myself. I should listen to my gut feeling. I rather have someone chasing after me then have me second guessing even though I made the first move. Thanks for knocking the sense into me! Ahhhhrghh...it's just frustrating.

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citymouse Contributor

citymouse

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After banging my head against the wall with my own personal jerks for 15+ years, I am more than happy to help you keep from making the same stupid, frustrating, world-class mistakes I made, LOL.

 

If so then maybe in some small way there was some good that came from it.

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