Bachelor's Parties and Hen Nights

[CordelliaG]

I think bachelors parties and hen nights are stupid and the idea of going out and getting fondled by some random stripper right before getting married is gross to me. I wouldn't want my future husband to do this and I wouldn't do it either. So now you know where I stand. Like this is a deal breaker for me.

 

I know some people do joint bachelors parties/hens nights...that makes more sense to me personally since if I am going to marry someone I would also want to be able to party with them.

 

Now here's a question: do married men go to bachelor parties? I would hate it, hate it, hate it if I were married and my husband went to a strip club, even if it was for one of his buddy's bachelor parties. I think that's reasonable, no? I of course would do the same thing.

 

SO are bachelor's parties just for bachelors?

 

Men, what is your feeling on strippers at bachelor parties...I know it's the friends who organize girls usually. And married men, did you have a bachelor's party, were there strippers, and did you feel guilty if there were?

[FathomFear]

What exactly are you worried about? I suspect you're going to have a hard time finding someone with the same view.

[DrKitten]

I'm pretty sure not all bachelor parties consist of strippers.

[rosephase]

for 99.99% of men and women it's just fun and games. Not sex. Not flirting. It's just a chance to bond with friends. You should really calm down.

[CordelliaG]

What exactly are you worried about? I suspect you're going to have a hard time finding someone with the same view.

 

I don't think that's the case at all...I think plenty of people find that stuff a bit uncomfortable or vulgar, and those who don't wouldn't be compatible with me anyway so it's all good! Trust me I know my SO would hate it if I was getting another guy's bits in my face while drunk and out with the girls, so I hardly think he would be expecting me to be OK with him getting lap dances.

 

I am not worried about anything per se, except that I would be really uncomfortable with the idea.

 

But really I just want to know if married men go to bachelors parties or not!

[petite]

If that is your personal opinion so be it, and I hope your guy agrees with you for your sake.

I think a joint bachelor/hens night is a bad idea, the whole point is for the men to do their own thing and women to do theirs (no I am not talking about sex or flirting). I was actually at a hens last night and we had a great time. You seem to associate a bachelor party with a negative image in your mind. Just because there may be a stripper doesn't mean your partner will be all over her. In fact, strippers have rules, they tease the guys or at least try and want to earn as much money as possible. It's mostly all about the money. I am sure there are guys that do things before they get married and keep it a secret just as women do, but that doesn't mean all men and women do it.

 

I can say the bachelorette/hens night I was at last night, was very tasteful and no one walked away ashamed at all. My guy went to the grooms bachelor party and he probably broke the "man code" lol when he told me what they did, but it seemed pretty normal.

 

I am not saying all these parties re just innocent times with friends, I've heard of some pretty explicit things happening, but I think these days it's more rare than back in the day.

 

If you trust your guy, than his attending such a party wont bother you much at all. I wouldn't want my guy to be at a strip club all the time, but if there is such a party and they have a stripper there, I trust him and know he isn't that kind of a guy to do anything stupid.

If you're worried about your partner cheating, I'd be more worried about him doing it with someone at work or somewhere else rather than a stripper at a bachelor party.

 

Be honest with your guy, I think this would be a really silly argument to have if he doesn't agree with you.

 

EDIT: What is it that makes you so uncomfortable? You think your guy can't say no to a stripper? Sure I wouldn't be crash-keen on my guy getting another girls chest up in his face, but Dear Lord if he isn't into it, he can easily say no and she will go to another guy.

 

To answer your question, yes married men do go to bachelor parties.

[CordelliaG]

No it's not that I don't trust him, it's the other men I don't trust hahaha. Like they will make him get a lap dance and such, which means she will be rubbing herself all over him. That turns me off.

[petite]

No it's not that I don't trust him, it's the other men I don't trust hahaha. Like they will make him get a lap dance and such, which means she will be rubbing herself all over him. That turns me off.

 

No one can force anyone to do things they don't want to. Even if it were to happen, it surely isn't that bad for you is it?

I am sure your man finds other females attractive also apart from you.

If you start telling him to not go, and try to control him in such ways it will backfire and he can start hiding the silliest things because he might think it will get you angry.

[Red Fox]

To be honest I have been to a few stag parties for friends that were getting married and there hasn't been any strippers in any. I don't think you can even hire a stripper here! I am sure there are probably licensed clubs in the big cities but I don't think it's a common thing here. I haven't heard of a joint hen / stag party either, I think it's quite uncommon, or if it does happen it is a separate thing to the hen and stag parties. The biggest problem with a stag party (at least as far as I know in the UK) is not strippers and sex which has never happened when I have been on one in my life, but is more that usually the amount of alcohol drunk is mad. I don't know what happens in the part of the world where you are but are strippers really a usual thing for stag parties?

[kaligrl22]

Get over yourself. Do you really think it's a bad thing if your man get's turned on by another woman? If so, you will have a miserable life. Because all people whether in a a relationship or not will find other people attractive. That is life. Seeing a stripper for a stag night is NOT that big of deal. Seriously, this is why people cheat. Too many people with hang ups about sex and attraction.. pffff

[Hermes]

But really I just want to know if married men go to bachelors parties or not!

 

Yes, Cordellia, they do! Straight answer to your question.

Many men about to be married have friends who are ALREADY married, and they -- the already married ones - would obviously go to the stag party. No big deal As someone said, maybe there will be strippers there, maybe there won't.

 

As Rose said above "calm down".

 

I've been to a hen party or two where there was a male stripper, and it was all just some fun.

 

H

[_Asti_]

Is it an American thing that they always or most often consist of strippers?

My guy has attended two bachelor parties this year, and none of which consisted of strippers...

[HouseKitten]

I know two male friends who got married. One of them went to London with his mates, went to a casino, got extremely drunk and ended up in a lap-dancing bar. The other guy went away with his friends for a weekend of paintball and beer tasting. No strippers at all.

 

The thing is, if he's the sort of guy who would go too far with a stripper then he won't need a stag party to come up. Tons of men go to lap dancing clubs - I would be fine with my boyfriend going because in most places they're not allowed to touch, only look, which makes it basically 3D porn as far as I'm concerned.

 

Like others have said, you can act like you don't trust him over this, but you'll probably be making it more likely that he won't tell you if anything, no matter how harmless, happens.

[SocialStigma]

Not all bachelor parties consist of strippers, as others have said.

 

My boyfriend has been to a couple bachelor parties for his older cousins and all they did was go to a bar and got the groom drunk.

[BellaDonna]

Not all bachelor parties have strippers.

 

I share your dislike of the entire stripper concept though. I would not have gotten married if my husband was the kind to have a bachelor party with strippers. I'd prefer to be single over that.

 

I fully trust my partner but the concept of strippers in general, and what it represents as a social construct, is not one I agree with, for many reasons.

 

I think that if a group of guys goes to a strip clib it isn't as disrespectful as when the best man hires one or 2 strippers to appear on location for a private party. Usually the latter scenerio is the one in which you hear of people get polished with a condom on for a few bucks. The clubs allow less stuff like that to go on.

 

Either way, I'm not a fan.

[Rangafro]

I don't like the pop culture philosophy of the bachelor party being the one last night of fun and freedom; as if marriage is like being sent to prison or off to war. Getting drunk with a stripper in my face is not my idea of fun anyway. That said, bachelor parties don't have to be about any of that stuff. The basic essence of a bachelor party to me is just celebrating the occasion with your friends. I could not deny that of a partner. I can understand your objections to strippers and such, but not the reasoning behind why it is an outright dealbreaker even for a husband to go to someone else's party.

[FathomFear]

I don't think that's the case at all...I think plenty of people find that stuff a bit uncomfortable or vulgar, and those who don't wouldn't be compatible with me anyway so it's all good! Trust me I know my SO would hate it if I was getting another guy's bits in my face while drunk and out with the girls, so I hardly think he would be expecting me to be OK with him getting lap dances.

 

I am not worried about anything per se, except that I would be really uncomfortable with the idea.

 

But really I just want to know if married men go to bachelors parties or not!

 

Yes, married men go to bachelor's parties.

 

And no, not all of them include strippers.

 

But even if they did, I don't understand what you're concerned about. I'd have no problem with my partner going to a bachelor party with strippers. It's just playful fun.

 

But to each his own. You're more than welcome to make it a dealbreaker for yourself and seek someone else who has the same view.

[Kumatora]

Just because there may be a stripper doesn't mean your partner will be all over her. In fact, strippers have rules, they tease the guys or at least try and want to earn as much money as possible. It's mostly all about the money.

I just wanted to clarify that fact about strippers don't touch is not always true. I've known strippers who actually do touch regardless if it's someone's bachelor's night. My best friend is a stripper and has admitted to doing it, and the other girls she has worked with have too. If there's LOTS of money involved and the stripper chooses to, they will do whatever they want. It's they who make the rules or choose to "bend" them. But ultimately, it's the man's decision to behave himself and not act like an ass when he's already in a committed relationship.

 

The question is, do you trust him to behave appropriately?

 

Also, to play the devil's advocate here... what if your husband is the best man of the wedding and the groom-to-be wants to go to a strip club or get a stripper for his party? Something that's completely out of your control. Remember, the bachelor's party is not about your husband... it's about the groom. Would you still put your foot down on not letting him go? It would be considered hurtful and disrespectful toward the groom if your partner didn't show up because his wife said "no strip clubs period." I will say that it would cause a lot of problems.

 

In general... my concern with this thread is that I saw a comment about the OP needs to get over the fact that her husband will go to a strip club regardless. why are there some people here being uppity about that? The decision on going to strip clubs is personal and it should be respected between a couple. It shouldn't be shunned if a couple has a boundary about it not being ok to go to a strip club. Just saying.

[Hermes]

If people want to strip for a living, well, it doesn't bother me one way or the other.

Some strippers work in a club, others free-lance by attending such events as stag parties.

Whether the stripper "touches" or not depends no doubt on the venue, and on the money.

 

For myself, I don't see it all as any big deal.

After all the about to be married guy is not going to suddenly change his mind overnight and marry the stripper instead.

 

H

[WomanWriter]

I don't think you should bend to others' preferences. You are not being unreasonable. Those are your values and you should be your own person. I don't value the idea of the opposite sex flaunting themselves sexually in front of a committed person regardless of the situation. I think trust has little to do with it because people are human. If a person on a diet has a cheesecake stuck in his face all night long, she is probably going to be tempted to take a bite. Temptation is a powerful thing. We are naturally attracted to other people, so why tempt ourselves?

 

I don't agree with the posters who play it off like it's nothing. If those are their ethics, so be it, but I don't suggest you change yours just because others are so loose.

[Hermes]

but I don't suggest you change yours just because others are so loose.

 

Hey, WW. Loose ethics.

Some of us have different opinions. That does not make us "loose" as you call it.

 

H

[WomanWriter]

Hey, WW. Loose ethics.

Some of us have different opinions. That does not make us "loose" as you call it.

 

H

 

Well IMO it does, just like others have suggested that the OP just "relax" ...they imply that she is abnormal for feeling the way she feels. We must just agree to disagree on this one, because ultimiately it is up to the OP.

[Hermes]

No one is implying anything, WW. And yes, quite so, it is ultimately up to the OP. And we can all certainly agree to disagree. That's fine too.

 

Nonetheless, I will NOT permit you to judge me as "loose". You really have a nerve.

 

H

[WomanWriter]

Yes, Cordellia, they do! Straight answer to your

 

As Rose said above "calm down".

 

 

 

H

 

Well, this to me completely implies that you think the OP has unreasonable values. Why else would you tell someone to "calm down?" I didn't mean to judge you. I meant to express my opinion to the OP and validate her concerns since she was clearly told to "calm down." I simply disagree that she should calm down and think that her opinion is valid.

[WomanWriter]

The point is that everyone should have a right to their own opinion and that I am not the only one making a value judgment here.