If I'm such a catch, why do I keep getting thrown back?

[Maria Lisa]

I've heard so many times....

 

"You're beautiful inside and out. You're everything I can imagine I would want in a woman. You're talented, and kind, and successful, you're truly a catch."

 

And then they dump me.

 

Why?

 

Are men afraid of a woman who can stand on their own? Or am I just meeting all the wrong ones?

 

 

Blaaaaaaaah stupid heart.

[waveseer]

I've heard so many times....

 

"You're beautiful inside and out. You're everything I can imagine I would want in a woman. You're talented, and kind, and successful, you're truly a catch."

 

And then they dump me.

 

Why?

 

Are men afraid of a woman who can stand on their own? Or am I just meeting all the wrong ones?

 

 

Blaaaaaaaah stupid heart.

 

The part in bold above, just that part, is a lie. If they could imagine it then it wouldn't be goodbye.

[Speranza]

I get it too. I suspect it's a lie to get away ASAP and they think it will save our feelings!

 

Only way forward? ...

 

.....

 

",,,,NEXT!"

 

 

 

[AutumnBorn]

M.L., it's just as bad when they fall for you and you have to dump them. I think I'm going to give up on dating and wait for this former Senator I'm developing a crush on to become availalble. (He's attracted to me, so it could happen.)

[Maria Lisa]

I keep wanting to believe that what they say is true, then I can tell myself, I dodged a bullet! If his self esteem is so low that the whole "You're too good for me" thing comes out, then I can't imagine what a long term relationship would be...the last guy I was seeing tells me that, "You have your life together, you have amazing talent, me, I have no idea where I'm going, I would be a disappointment to you." And then he tells me all this wonderful stuff he adores about me.....and it's frustrating to say the least. If I'm so wonderful, then why aren't you with me??

[Ms Darcy]

Hey ... why not ask one of those guys why they ended it?

 

I had one ex lay it all out for me and it was very eye opening. Two years later, I'm in a happy long-term relationship.

 

Sometimes it's compatibility - nothing you can help. Other times, it's a personality trait that you might want to watch out for.

[Speranza]

I keep wanting to believe that what they say is true, then I can tell myself, I dodged a bullet! If his self esteem is so low that the whole "You're too good for me" thing comes out, then I can't imagine what a long term relationship would be...the last guy I was seeing tells me that, "You have your life together, you have amazing talent, me, I have no idea where I'm going, I would be a disappointment to you." And then he tells me all this wonderful stuff he adores about me.....and it's frustrating to say the least. If I'm so wonderful, then why aren't you with me??

 

Hear hear. I think they are trying to be kind. Guys take note, it is just totally confusing! Just say you don't think it's working out! But no 'it's not you, it's me' please...

[newwave]

Because men don't say what they mean always. The last guy I liked did the same thing. Talked about our future, talked about how I was the one for him. Next thing I know he's telling me he doesn't want to fall again. Unfortunately men are either this way or the idiots who fall way too fast because they want to be with someone.

[mad rabbits]

You're beautiful inside and out. You're everything I can imagine I would want in a woman. You're talented, and kind, and successful, you're truly a catch

 

Because these aren't the things that really sell a guy on wanting to be with a woman. If he isn't feeling it not beauty, kindness, success nor anything else will make him feel differently.

 

It's that indefinable something that they are after.

 

[which is why after dumping you they often then go on to date some broke drug addict..HAH *joking*]

[JusticeLaw9]

I can't figure out this arcade game of a dating world that we live in. But for some reason, you can no longer take a person's word for it. Sometimes we all get caught up in the heat of the moment and say things we don't really mean, but because we don't know what else to say. Other times, I think it's just indecisiveness.

[ScorpiGal83]

yeah i get this all the time. i think it's just the thrill of the chase. once they know they've got you, you grow uglier in their eyes or something. One guy actually admitted, when I asked him why he chased me when he knew he didn't want a relationship with me, "I didn't think I could get you."

 

gee, thanks. why don't you just stick antlers on my head and chase me with a rifle.

[LAYAAN]

I've heard so many times....

"You're beautiful inside and out. You're everything I can imagine I would want in a woman. You're talented, and kind, and successful, you're truly a catch."

And then they dump me.

Why?

Are men afraid of a woman who can stand on their own? Or am I just meeting all the wrong ones?

Blaaaaaaaah stupid heart.

Exactly what I've heard and I have been wanting to create a thread about this as well. I guess, they are hopeful of meeting someone better than me, I don't know.

[LAYAAN]

Hey ... why not ask one of those guys why they ended it?

I had one ex lay it all out for me and it was very eye opening. Two years later, I'm in a happy long-term relationship.

Sometimes it's compatibility - nothing you can help. Other times, it's a personality trait that you might want to watch out for.

Your ex was actually willing to lay it out for you? wow... I have always wanted to ask guys who decided not to go on a 2nd date with me, what made them decide that I wasn't the one, but you know, these Qs are tough to ask and tougher to answer.

I'm glad that you got some insight though.

[MikeS]

I just like to say that line is all lies to me. I've heard that sooo many times that I laugh anymore in the persons' face. I'm sorry, maybe I'm picky, but after being hurt soo many times of the 37 yrs of my life. It makes a person not wanting to trust people soo easily anymore.

[Happy Bunny]

I felt the same as you for awhile--if I'm such a great catch, why aren't you with me and why do you treat me so badly? as you said in the OP. You have to realize that they're the ones with the issues, not you. Commitment issues or whatever, not to mention that men will say absolutely anything to get you in bed. And I mean absolutely anything--that is the ultimate goal of dating, no matter how we try to sugar coat it. I'm not saying be cynical about it if they tell you you're beautiful or whatever, but take it with a grain of salt. Time will tell if they actually mean it.

[Happy Bunny]

I just like to say that line is all lies to me. I've heard that sooo many times that I laugh anymore in the persons' face. I'm sorry, maybe I'm picky, but after being hurt soo many times of the 37 yrs of my life. It makes a person not wanting to trust people soo easily anymore.

 

It's really hard not to be angry and bitter when it keeps happening over and over and over again--I agree totally. And it does get hard to trust people--I was just telling a friend the other day that I don't trust my own judgment anymore and that the perfect person could be right in front of me and I'd never know it.

[hexaemeron]

Disclaimer: I'm going to say something, and I do not want you to take it the wrong way, because I'll explain myself. Okay?

 

Maybe you're not the catch you think you are.

 

Okay, so you're probably ready to scratch my eyes out, but go with me on this for a minute. We all want to believe we have a lot to offer, and that we're mature/secure/stable enough not only to thrive in a relationship, but help the other person to learn and grow too.

 

So, if you're constantly being dropped, one of three things is happening:

 

• You are pursuing the wrong men.
  
• You are not ready for a relationship with the right kind of man for you.
  
• Hellaciously random bad luck
  

 

So, if I were you, I'd take a very honest, deliberate look at yourself and evaluate where (if anywhere) you can improve yourself for your OWN sake, and if you can, then I am confident your situation will improve.

 

Hope this helps.

[BriarRose]

You're beautiful inside and out. You're everything I can imagine I would want in a woman. You're talented, and kind, and successful, you're truly a catch

 

Because these aren't the things that really sell a guy on wanting to be with a woman. If he isn't feeling it not beauty, kindness, success nor anything else will make him feel differently.

 

It's that indefinable something that they are after.

 

[which is why after dumping you they often then go on to date some broke drug addict..HAH *joking*]

BadHabits nailed it. Women think men are lying when they say those nice things - but they are not lying. They genuinely mean them. The problem is, those things aren't necessarily what makes a man fall in love.

[MikeS]

BadHabits nailed it. Women think men are lying when they say those nice things - but they are not lying. They genuinely mean them. The problem is, those things aren't necessarily what makes a man fall in love.

 

Unfortunately, it can go both ways.

[BriarRose]

Unfortunately, it can go both ways.

Yes, it can.

[Happy Bunny]

BadHabits nailed it. Women think men are lying when they say those nice things - but they are not lying. They genuinely mean them. The problem is, those things aren't necessarily what makes a man fall in love.

 

Okay, they might believe it, if only for as long as it takes them to say it.

 

Falling is love is the easy part, but relationships are hard. It's really tough to keep a relationship going when you're the only one trying. They get what they want, then they get comfortable and expect you to do all the work. And when you try to discuss it, they don't listen. You guys think you can fake it, but we know perfectly well when you're not listening to a word we say. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't talk just to hear the sound of my own voice. I don't complain and I won't bring up something serious unless it is serious. If, on the rare occasions I decide I need to talk about something, please have enough respect to listen.

 

I should probably clarify that in all of my relationships, I'm the one who bailed. I have never had a guy break up with me. Then all of a sudden they want to talk about it. LOL Well, why haven't you been listening for the past 4 or 5 years?!? If you had been, this wouldn't be happening now!

 

If they really did mean all that stuff they said in the beginning, they sure didn't act like it.

[MikeS]

So true, falling in love is very easy to do, even without knowing it at the time. However, its when it comes that time for the commitment, yes the C word!!! This is the hard part that I've seen for people to do. There are some that would gladly accept it with open arms. Yet, with how people look at it today. They want to get what they can and then leave. If I had a chance to have a relationship with a woman. I would want to have a long term relationship. You may think I'm crazy but oh well.