What do you do with a toddler in the evenings?

[eleanorrigby1]

We have a 16 month old toddler and we are expecting another in the Autumn. At the moment our evenings consist of my partner getting home from work, eating our dinner together and then at 7pm our daughter goes to bed. After that we just watch the TV together until about 10pm and then we go to bed.. and this monotonous routine seems inescapable because our daughter has to/wants to go to bed at 7pm.

 

In the summer we find it especially hard because the sun is glorious outside and it seems to early to be stuck in.. we don't have anyone to babysit as family live far away (and the family that live close by have their own lives and tend to babysit only on very special occasions when asked MAJORLY in advance!)

 

My partner just had a bit of a moan to me out of the blue about how 'horrific' this is and its just 'existing' and how he just wants to 'get through this poo' until the babies are older and we can do stuff with them..

 

I felt upset because I don't want him thinking of our life with our small children as something he has to 'get through' and wishing their little lives away.. but what can we do to enjoy them in the evenings when we have so llittle time.

 

We do tend to make the most of our weekends, but even then everything has to revolve around naps and food, my daughter likes to nap for an hour and a half in the afternoons so if we want to go out for the day we need to get their early to make sure she is awake enough to enjoy it before she naps after lunch.. sometimes it feels like the morning is a mad panic to get out of the door to make the day 'worthwhile' ..and then the afternoons spent checking we have enough time to get home in time for dinner, bath and bed.

 

There is no spontenaety and very little fun in our lives at the moment and its making me sad. Having a family was something we always wanted to do and talked about and now it feels like having a family is 'getting in the way' of life.. if that makes sense?

 

Dont get me wrong we adore our daughter sooooo much and I wouldnt swap her for the world!

 

Its just what do other families do? do you all just sit in night after night....

[sidehop]

I can only wish the genie and the star for our daughter to go to bed at 7pm! Although I agree that during summer it would be hard, that's when most families are settling down after dinner and watching TV and whatnot.

 

My daughter goes to bed close to 8:30pm and sometime 9pm and gets up around 7:30pm. When she naps (something we are really working on!) she will nap for about the same time as your daughter.

 

What time does your daughter wake up? Is it fairly early? Can that schedule be adjust so she's going to bed around 8 instead of 7?

[BellaDonna]

At the moment our evenings consist of my partner getting home from work, eating our dinner together and then at 7pm our daughter goes to bed. After that we just watch the TV together until about 10pm and then we go to bed.. and this monotonous routine seems inescapable because our daughter has to/wants to go to bed at 7pm.

 

 

 

In the summer we find it especially hard because the sun is glorious outside and it seems to early to be stuck in..

 

Once the children are in bed I think you should try to avoid the TV as much as possible, unless you both are particularly into following a certain show.

 

*Have food delivered and make a dinner/dessert date at home.

 

*Play cards

 

*If you own a home and have a yard area, get an our fireplace and sit by it. My husband and I do this all of the time in the summer, once our son is asleep. It is very relaxing, the conversation just flows, and it feels like you are camping. You may not want to do this right now if you are pregnant though- due to the smoke. But after baby number 2 arrives it can be an option.

[Catdancer]

Welcome to my world. lol Landon goes to bed at 7:30 pm. And by about 7:00 he is ready for his bath and bed. His daddy and I used to get him to bed, and then that would be "our" time. We'd play freaky sex games, take a long shower together, make dinner, clean up, watch a movie, watch porn. Whatever we did, it was "our" time and we loved it. We look at it this way...while he is little, we can have freaky sex all over the house, but once he gets a little older, we will have to be a little more discreet. lol

[renaissancewoman101]

Does she always have to nap at the time she naps?

 

You can take her out in the stroller and if she is tired, she just naps in the stroller.

[sidehop]

I agree about the TV, we rarely have it on and especially before bed time. It stimulate her too much and sometimes makes her less tired. We do play outside a lot especially during the warmer months. The last few days we've been out until about 7:30pm and then get ready for bed.

 

Perhaps if the schedules can be adjusted and let her stay up a bit longer actively I'm sure she will either take longer naps or wake up a bit later in the morning you all will have more time together as a family.

[Catdancer]

Also, after Landon goes to bed, I'll sit outside and talk to friends, invite friends over to play cards, or board games, or have an evening cookout. Have a movie night. Get the baby in bed and invite friends or family over. Have them bring a pizza and a few beers and good adult, meaning rated R, not a cartoon rated G, movie.

 

There are so many ways to enjoy your evenings.

 

Also, can you push your daughter's bedtime back about an hour and make it 8:00pm? Landon and I spend alot of time outside in the yard when it's nice out. We pick flowers, catch bugs and walk. He absolutely LOVES it.

[renaissancewoman101]

Once the children are in bed I think you should try to avoid the TV as much as possible, unless you both are particularly into a following a certain show.

 

.

 

What's wrong with watching TV after the kids go to bed?

[BellaDonna]

what can we do to enjoy them in the evenings when we have so llittle time.

 

As for spending time WITH the kids before htye go to bed- I always find that arts and crafts work well. Evening is a tough time because they tend to be over-tired so it's good to keep them busy with something.

 

Taking a walk after dinner is a good habit to get into also. -Even a newborn can be a part of that.

[BellaDonna]

What's wrong with watching TV after the kids go to bed?

 

I don't think there is anything "wrong" with it- but the OP mentioned they do it every night and it feels monotonous. So it isn't working for them.

 

7pm our daughter goes to bed. After that we just watch the TV together until about 10pm and then we go to bed.. and this monotonous routine seems inescapable

[FarthestEdge]

We like to have some 'dancing time' with the kids before bed. We put on some kids music that they love and 'dance' with them in their jammies. They love it and it helps them burn off a little more energy before bed. Reading too, is a daily must. lay on the floor on your stomach and read to them as they climb all over you like a jungle gym.

 

As for afterwards, maybe you and your hubby need to pick up an interest outside the house that each of you can get a night out a week..Even if you can't go out together, it doesn't mean you can't go out at ALL....Plus it will give you something more to talk about.

 

Don't wish these years away, they'll be gone fast enough.

[annie24]

can you hire a sitter one night a week so you and your spouse can go on the town?

[eleanorrigby1]

 

What time does your daughter wake up? Is it fairly early? Can that schedule be adjust so she's going to bed around 8 instead of 7?

 

no she is a great sleeper, we are really lucky with our little girl she wakes around 8am, sometimes 9am, she sleeps right through. She is not a problem at all.. its just our boredom in the evenings being stuck in front of the TV : )

[eleanorrigby1]

can you hire a sitter one night a week so you and your spouse can go on the town?

 

I wouldnt leave my daughter with anyone i didnt really know and trust.. and there are no options.. my friends are married with children of their own, and my single friends live miles away with busy social lives. family live far away. Its tough.

[sidehop]

no she is a great sleeper, we are really lucky with our little girl she wakes around 8am, sometimes 9am, she sleeps right through. She is not a problem at all.. its just our boredom in the evenings being stuck in front of the TV : )

 

I'm so jealous lol.

 

We have an hour at tops during the weekdays of our 'own time'. I agree with Annie, do you guys go out often as just a couple? If anything you can get to know someone who may be a good babysitter that can come by on a regular basis. We feel the same way about our daughter and strangers. But we do 'date swaps' with our friend who also have two daughters together. It works really well, I highly recommend it.

 

Sounds like you guys are bored! I know you're pregnant (so is my wife!) and perhaps there are new hobbies or interests you two can enjoy? I'm sure with enough time you two can create some romantic evenings...just play the 'I am pregnant and my feet is sore' trick and have him give you massage.

[AutumnBreeze49]

I say enjoy your time with your husband before baby #2 gets here. I have 3 year old twins and am 13 weeks pregnant... and even if my husband was home we wouldn't get to spend much time together.

 

Turn off the tv... talk, laugh, cuddle, have all the sex you want, because I am sure in the near future you'll be extremely busy!

 

BTW my twins were about 18 months old when they started staying up until 8 or 9. They too would be in bed at 7 no matter what, so just know that your child could outgrow the 7pm bedtime!

[turnera]

I wouldnt leave my daughter with anyone i didnt really know and trust.. and there are no options.. my friends are married with children of their own, and my single friends live miles away with busy social lives. family live far away. Its tough.

 

I'm sorry but this is a copout. This is YOU saying you WON'T change what YOU want to help your marriage.

[annie24]

I wouldnt leave my daughter with anyone i didnt really know and trust.. and there are no options.. my friends are married with children of their own, and my single friends live miles away with busy social lives. family live far away. Its tough.

 

 

what about as another person said, find a married couple with kids and do babysitting swaps with them? ie, they watch your kid for a night, then you do the same for their kids the next week? just like sidehop said, i think that's a good idea.

[sophie274]

I understand about not wanting to leave your child with just anyone, but a few thoughts on finding someone you trust:

- do any of your married friends use babysitters? Can they recommend someone?

- Hire someone with work experience, references, background check, and have him/her come over a few times while you are at home and around. I know I came over to play with the girls I babysit for almost a year before I stayed home alone with them. The parents would be in the next room but I would be really minding the children, and they could read the paper or work on projects together in their basement.

- if you wanted to have a week-end away, could your parents come stay with your daughter while you were gone? It doesn't solve the problem of a boring routine, but it would give you something to look forward to.

- the babysitting/date night swap sidehop suggested sounds like a great idea to me.

- you could also join a gym and work-out with your husband while leaving your child at the daycare center there

[turnera]

If you do some reading, you'll see that many many marriages end in divorce because the mother ends up getting most of her needs met by her kids - admiration, affection, conversation, being needed, fun, etc. - and kind of forgets her husband is around. He just becomes someone who pays for everything. This can lead to all kinds of things - infidelity, anger, loss of affection, no longer 'knowing' your spouse, the woman divorcing once the kids are gone cos she hasn't kept in touch with her husband all those years and now that the kids are grown she doesn't need him any more...

 

You have to 'feed' your marriage by still being a wife, and not just a mother.

[Batya33]

Our son is around the same age as your child. Before I had my baby, I often went out at night - to dinner, parties, out dancing, fancy events, simple gatherings, I met celebrities, my best friends, dates, boyfriends, my fiancee, then my husband. I traveled all over the U.S. and much of the world. I also spent many many nights working late, watching TV at home, doing laundry - you name it, I did it. It was really fun most of the time.

 

What I find so great now is that almost every night, we (if my husband is home, most nights he is) get our son ready for bed - my husband sings to him while I get the last bottle ready, I feed him and at 8pm he is in bed whether it's Monday, Saturday, my birthday. Then we eat dinner, I clean up usually (I take care of our son full time), and then we watch TV and/or read and/or talk or sometimes my husband has work to do. Every night. We haven't used a babysitter yet - I expect to at some point but it's not urgent. We've taken our son out at night a few times for important holidays, to someone's house - it was stressful because it messed up his routine.

 

Oh and he takes two naps during the day so we make the most of the 2-3 hours between naps for lunch/shopping and then sometimes we take him out for an hour early evening. He's great at restaurants.

 

Here's where we differ - I love love love the routine. I love that we're a family, the comfort of settling in for the night, discussing which tv show we will watch if there is one we both like, having dessert together and going to bed. I love seeing my son in the morning at around 7am even when I'm tired, and going through the same routine with him in the morning before my husband gets up.

 

Is it monotonous? Maybe to an outsider, I don't care. I also loved my social life mostly - I was single for almost 25 years before getting involved with my husband and after I did we had 3 years or so of dating, fun, travel, socializing.

 

So I think it's all about perspective - I'm not going to judge you for not liking he lifestyle - it's not for everyone, that's for sure and my guess is it makes a difference whether you feel like you lived the other facets of your life to the fullest before hunkering down to night after night of the routine. I just wanted to make sure that you can really see how someone else can see it and experience the exact same situation very differently.

 

My suggestion - try to shift your mindset and find ways to make your at home routine more interesting -- maybe you can learn a language together on line or some other skill - and then also work on finding a babysitter for one night a week.

[eleanorrigby1]

I'm sorry but this is a copout. This is YOU saying you WON'T change what YOU want to help your marriage.

 

 

 

a cop out? not willing to leave my daughter with a stranger? i have never heard of an advertised babysitter anyway? thats not something I have ever heard of anyone over here doing? I don't agree at all. If I dont have family or friends available to babysit how is that something I am not willing to change? its not my fault!

 

The fact that my friends are all married with children of their own and live in different cities is not a cop out, its the truth?

 

I am not talking about saving my marriage, I am asking for things to do that involve my child and just asking if other people are doing the same thing.

[eleanorrigby1]

Again this must be an American thing? its not something I have ever heard of over here? (England).. seriously, I have asked around and EVERYONE I know that has children have parents living locally who dote on their grandchildren and WANT to babysit all the time.. my family and my partner's family are not like that ATALL!

 

Its not an option asking friends who already have children as they would never offer and would never agree, its not the done thing.. I probably sound very strange to you but its not something I would even consider asking, neither of us have an extra bedroom to put someone else's child in and our children are still babies, it will probably be easier when they are older and able to share a room and play together.

[eleanorrigby1]

If you do some reading, you'll see that many many marriages end in divorce because the mother ends up getting most of her needs met by her kids - admiration, affection, conversation, being needed, fun, etc. - and kind of forgets her husband is around. He just becomes someone who pays for everything. This can lead to all kinds of things - infidelity, anger, loss of affection, no longer 'knowing' your spouse, the woman divorcing once the kids are gone cos she hasn't kept in touch with her husband all those years and now that the kids are grown she doesn't need him any more...

 

You have to 'feed' your marriage by still being a wife, and not just a mother.

 

you have completely misread my message and my situation and this post has nothing to do with my situation. We went to Paris in February for a long weekend for my birthday, we spend lots of time in the evening together holding hands watching DVD's, eating nice meals, we were just commenting on how we never get to go out and how boring it is during summer to be sat in all night, my partner is not starved of affection and I don't 'dote' on my child for affection eitheer.

 

I have healthy friendships and a healthy relationship we were just asking what other couples did in the evening.. instead of watching TV.

[FarthestEdge]

I have healthy friendships and a healthy relationship we were just asking what other couples did in the evening.. instead of watching TV.

 

What did you do on the evening you concieved the baby???

 

A little more of that, perhaps?