Same situation, new guy? Or over-reaction?

[Daligal83]

I've been talking to this guy for about a month. We went to high school together, but weren't friends in high school. We reconnected on facebook about a month ago and have been talking daily since. We've gone on two great dates, the most recent being this past Sunday. He lives where we grew up and I live a little over an hour away. Both dates were in my hometown.

 

So as of Sunday, everything was great. He was flirty, complimentary, talking about getting together again. But ever since Monday, he's been different. We usually talk on gchat while he's at work since he works until 11. He's been less chatty and while I know he's at work, that never stopped him before. I'm taking more of the initiative now. He's not as flirty. And right now, we haven't talked at all, which never happens. I'm holding out because I'm starting to feel stupid.

 

This always happens to me. Serious, read my dating journal. This is what happens to me 95% of the time.

 

One friend pointed out to me that maybe things are the same and I'm just seeing them differently because I'm becoming more interested...but it just seems off to me.

 

Should I just keep going with the flow and see what happens? At what point, if any, should I say something?

[IvantheAvg]

You are too chatty. Attraction grows in space. Familiarity is a stranglehold to a new relationship. What fools call games is actually a necessary dance of social interaction. Don't talk to him cause your bored...thats what faceless internet forums are for...you must show him you are special.

[Daligal83]

I'm not talking to him because I'm bored. I talk to him because I enjoy talking to him.

 

And I understand about the too much communication thing, but he's the one that started making daily contact. So why is it suddenly a problem? It was never weird before Monday and we've been talking daily for a month.

[IvantheAvg]

You are too chatty. Attraction grows in space. Familiarity is a stranglehold to a new relationship. What fools call games is actually a necessary dance of social interaction. Don't talk to him cause your bored...thats what faceless internet forums are for...you must show him you are special.

 

Reread this. Thats why its a problem now...the high wears off quickly...and soon becomes work.. communication out of affactation becomes communication of expectation. No guy wants that. Besides...what left to discover?

[blackdog280]

He's interest is swaying, you should move on.

[Daligal83]

I just don't get why it keeps happening. Sunday we had a great date and he was telling me that I looked pretty and talking about future plans. Monday he started being weird. What could have possibly changed so quickly? I don't buy that the entire reason is that we were talking too much because we've been talking like that for a month. It's not new.

[BriarRose]

I agree with Blackdog to a point. He is starting to lose interest - are you calling/emailing/texting him often? If so, don't. Let him do the initiating for awhile.

[BriarRose]

What about after Monday? Did he call you the last few days or have you called him?

[Daligal83]

There's no calling. He works until 11 and I go to bed before then, so it's all on gchat. He can be on it while at work.

 

Before this week I'd say it was about equal. After our date on Sunday, I sent him a facebook chat Sunday night, sent the first gchat Monday night, he initiated Tuesday night, and yesterday I send a mid-day text and initiated gchat. I've held out for tonight and he hasn't initiated anything. When I IMed him yesterday he was super chatty but it faded as the night went on.

[BriarRose]

There's no calling. He works until 11 and I go to bed before then, so it's all on gchat. He can be on it while at work.

 

Before this week I'd say it was about equal. After our date on Sunday, I sent him a facebook chat Sunday night, sent the first gchat Monday night, he initiated Tuesday night, and yesterday I send a mid-day text and initiated gchat. I've held out for tonight and he hasn't initiated anything. When I IMed him yesterday he was super chatty but it faded as the night went on.

 

Well, there is still some interest there, but it's waning. I would not contact him at all - let him do all the initiating for the time being.

[FreedomRing]

I wouldn't contact him anymore either.

 

Why are the dates only in your hometown(where he lives). Has he made any efforts to come to you?

 

Sounds like things are have been too convienent for him...his area to date, his times to talk/chat.... fall back.

[Daligal83]

He asked me out one weekend and I was already going home the next weekend for other reasons. The next weekend he mentioned that he may be in my city, but I was out of town that weekend. The next weekend he again mentioned visiting his friend here and was planning on volunteering with me (even though it was an outside job and it was supposed to be raining), but ended up not coming in. The weekend after that I went home again for other reasons, not for him. And, like I said, he did mention coming into town. But I never believe it until it happens. Unfortunately I've dated a few guys from my hometown while living here. It just keeps happening. I even met a guy out at a bar like 5 minutes from my apartment and of course, he lived in my hometown haha.

[Daligal83]

I held out like you guys suggested. Said nothing all Thursday or Friday, although I wasn't around much Friday. I went out last night and one of the guys I was hanging out with randomly goes, "I feel like Natalie Imbruglia...I'm so torn right now." I thought it was hysterical and posted just the quote as my facebook status. A little after 2 am the guy I posted this thread about comments on it and says "why torn?" I think he thought it was about him possibly? I texted him at almost 3 am (normally I wouldn't but he has an off schedule so I thought he might be up) and said it was just something funny that someone said and asked what's up. No reply, but he could have been sleeping.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, honey, I don't know what to tell ya. If you say you have a continual pattern (guys losing interest) and people respond that the communication early on is too much but you don't want to change that, then what can you do?

 

I think you did well not to contact him much recently. When you stop contacting as much, that will show you if he's really interested or not.

[Daligal83]

The thing is I don't set that standard of communication. They do. I'm perfectly fine talking every few days. But if a guy sets the standard of daily contact and then suddenly backs off, it sends the signal that something is wrong.

[Ms Darcy]

The thing is I don't set that standard of communication. They do. I'm perfectly fine talking every few days. But if a guy sets the standard of daily contact and then suddenly backs off, it sends the signal that something is wrong.

 

Why don't you set any limits? You make it seem like you must be in contact frequently if that's what they want.

[Daligal83]

It depends on the situation. If I like the guy enough, I enjoy the frequent contact. If I'm still kind of undecided, I'll usually limit the contact more. I don't think about it in such detail like I can't be in contact. I figure if it feels right go with it, until I receive signals that it's not OK anymore. Then I back off, like I have. And we've been texting here and there all afternoon. But I'm not being too available because I've been out doing stuff and sometimes taking hours to reply.