What should I make of this?

[stungun]

I was dating this girl for about a week or two, she went away with her sister to "party" she said, her ex-bf lives there now but she said that i "have nothing to worry about" and i didnt even ask or care to ask. im not the type to get in someones way so i figured if she was gonna run into him while out there, then so be it. it is what it is. well she went out there, came back, and told me that she slept with him while out there. i set it aside and continued to date her for another month but now i dont feel like i want to anymore. i feel like that was not a really nice thing to do and id rather not be with someone who would do that to me. what do u guys think? is it not that big of a deal because we were barely a couple weeks in? should i end it now? i dont know what clicked inside of me, but i decided that this was crap and i didnt wanna just let that slide.

 

comment freely. thanks.

 

i told her how i felt yesterday. so its been a day of no contact.

[Jd1983]

Were you exclusive when she went away?

[waveseer]

If you're no longer interested then you did the right thing for all concerned. You don't really need a reason after a couple of weeks of dating. On the other hand, she didn't have to tell you at all so you might want to consider that.

[DN]

If you are not happy with what she did to the extent that you don't want to be with her then you did the rght thing.

[d24]

it's completely up to you what you do, there's no 'fair' in these situations, it's what feels right. And for the record, I wouldn't have even taken her back for that one month - she did it with an EX, whilst trying to forge a relationship with you, and after she told you not to worry.... this girl has issues regardless of whether you were 'exclusive' or not.

[majord23]

It would depend on a couple of things for me...

 

1. (As Jd asked) were you exclusive?

 

and

 

2. If you weren't, would you want to be with someone who went out of their way to tell you something like that?

 

It sounds to me as though you're already starting to 'check out' of the situation and I can completely understand why. I'd go with what you're feeling at the moment.

[abouttime]

She just didn't finish the sentence "you have nothing to worry about......because I am definitely going to sleep with him."

 

She told you that you had nothing to worry about. The fact is, she lied to you 2 weeks into a new relationship. It doesn't matter if you were exclusive. It does matter that she lied to you.

[minou]

She told you the truth about this and did not have to. She did something she didn't intend to do. I think your relationship was too young to have the expectation of exclusivity. If you're not that into her, give it up. But if you are, I would re-think this. At least she was honest with you about it. Frankly, after a couple of weeks of seeing each other, I don't really think it was any of your business unless you had already agreed to be exclusive.

[Iceman26]

Eh, I'd let her one go. The lie she gave you and her actions on vacation would be too much to me in a young relationship.

[RobD70]

I vote for dumping, while it's true you two might not had been exclusive it was disrespectful plus the more you are attached to her, the more this will bother you.

 

Something like this happen to me with my ex from a while back. She had her ex which had become an F’ buddy down in Austin that she saw once or twice a month. Once we started dating she said she wouldn’t sleep with him again BUT she and some friends where going to spend the weekend down there to party and see some play or something. I wasn’t comfortable with this even though we had been dating only for a couple of weeks or so. I told her if she went down there then don’t bother calling when she gets back. Well she went anyway (she never understood why this would bother me).

 

We went 2 weeks of NC after that then she called me and ask me out to lunch to talk. She didn’t sleep with him but missed me and I forgave her. We ended up together for about 4 years after that. I believe are little breakup was important as it showed I had a backbone and will not be disrespected.

[stungun]

why is this so hard for me? lol

 

part of me wants to say "who cares" and continue seeing her but the other part of me says "no, thats bullsh1t, you cant be with someone like that" and that is very true! I dont want to and shouldnt be with someone like that.

 

exclusivity aside,she lied to me. just like most of you are saying and thats what my biggest concern has been also. i do remember her telling me she wouldnt and then she did. thats what hurts the most. But yes, we had definitely talked about only sleeping with eachother. that was clear.

 

ur absolutely right about the more im attraced to her the harder it is. very true. i really wish this never happened because i really want to be with her. but i know i shouldnt.

 

stupid (fill in the blank)!

[blue-eyes]

We all make mistakes, but I would have a really hard time trusting someone who betrayed me so early on.

 

On the other hand she didn't have to tell you. The fact that she was honest with you about what happened says a lot. It means that she wants to have an open honest relationship with you despite her mistake. Hard decision.

 

Do you feel like she is the type of girl that would cheat or was this a one time thing? I think you also have to look at what type of girl she is and how she treats you. Is she a little skanky or a sweet girl who got into a bad situation?

[stungun]

shes definitely a sweet girl who i think got into a bad situation. she told me when we started dating that she did still have feelings for her ex and i continued on. i mean the guy was accross the country. in my eyes, i didnt care, she was mine now.

 

i dont ever really see her cheating on me again. i never even worry about it when were out, etc. shes always attached to me.

 

ah man i dont know what to do and its eating away at me. i cant focus. i cant concentrate on my work. this really sucks! i hate feeling this way.

 

i just cant bring myself around to forgiving her. i feel like she lied and took advantage of me and that just is NOT RIGHT!

 

I spoke with a female friend about it and she said "dump her and move on" almost immediately....

[blue-eyes]

If you don't worry about her cheating and she really is a sweet girl you should try to forgive her and work it out, or she may end up being the girl who got away. I would look at her character instead of the situation. If what happened is out of character than let it go. We all make mistakes.

 

I know it's difficult to forgive. I've been there, and thinking about it will drive you INSANE. Try focusing on something else every time thoughts of her cheating cross your mind. It's hard at first, but eventually it will get easier. I think you just need to decide if she's worth it.

[Iceman26]

I don't think this girl is a bad person, she just sounds immature.

 

Yes, it was great that she was upfront with you and told you she slept with someone else, but she also told you that you would have nothing to worry about while she was away.

 

This is why I say cut your losses now, because the next time she goes on vacation or goes to visit friends and tells you you have "nothing to worry about", well..................

[sidehop]

You also have to ask if you're her rebound.

[Iceman26]

You also have to ask if you're her rebound.

 

Ha, good call, though I am not sure she'd give an honest answer on that one.