would you end a friendship over this?

[Jennibean]

In his drunken state, my friend admitted that he thinks hes smarter than me. We're both law students. One night, he told me that he would crush me in the courtroom should we ever go head to head. The next day (still drunk from a previous night of excessive drinking), he repeated the statement, adding that hes smarter than me. I was crushed. Oh and he said he will not apologize so I decided to just drop him off at his house and call it a day. The entire car ride ( as I was crying), he was singing along to the radio, and having a ball. He kept talking to me as if we werent in a fight, ignoring the fact that I refused to respond. And he saw no harm in the statement he made. He then said he was joking. Then he said I should take it as a challenge. But hes not my tutor, hes not my mentor/professor, so where does he come off "challenging" me in such a harsh way?

 

Am I overreacting? Im ending the friendship because he always makes cruel "jokes" like that at my expense whenever he has a bit too much to drink. He thinks Im hyper-sensitive; I just think I deserve the same courtesy and respect that I give.

 

p.s- sometimes he gets so drunk, he doesnt even remember saying anything cruel...

[flipside]

end that. Its the best thing to do for both of you. hopefully dude will wake up one day and realize how many friends he lost being a drunken know-it-all... not to mention an (edit).

[sidehop]

It's always possible that he actually finds you intimidating deep down.

 

You could always avoid him when he's drunk if anything.

[HeartGoesOn]

I would make the choice to drop this "friend" if they put me through that much stress. I'm sure you can find better friends elsewhere.

[annie24]

is he smarter than you? i think that the best thing you can do is use this as motivation to do really well in law school and kick butt. it's my impression that there are a lot of over-inflated egos there. unfortunately, some places are still filled with guys like that.

 

you know what - i don't think he's a really good friend. and i hope for his sake that he gets his drinking under control so he doesn't screw things up for his clients!!!!!!! big ego + too much alcohol, he sounds kind of like a douche to me. i don't know what you see in him.

[hexaemeron]

Is he smarter? I mean, what's the big deal? So what if he thinks he's smarter? What do YOU think about yourself? The fact that this made you cry (which I don't get btw) says you care way too much what others think. Self-confidence is your job, kiddo. No one else's.

[IntotheWild]

I agree with hex. Also, it may just be an incompatibility in personality. He may have other friends that he takes jabs at who jab right back at him... and he may be completely comfortable with that type of aggressive friendship. Obviously you're not so it may be best to just find a friend you're more compatible with.

[Maveric]

I would never end a good friendship over something like that. My reaction would probably be to laugh. Bottom line being is that everyone is different so it really doesn't matter if other people would end a friendship over this or not but it matters how you feels and if you decided to end it then good for you.

[Jennibean]

No, I dont think hes smarter than me, but he is at the top of the class, whereas Im average/slightly above. Hes also a bit older and has a lot more life experience.

Im not ending it just because of this isolated inccident, there are a lot of instances that lead me to believe he thinks Im beneath him academically. Im not positive, but I think hes jealous that I've had a much easier life ( Im well off even before becoming a lawyer and hes not) and because hes so competetive, he had to find something that would elevate him above me. Hes all but said he resents that aspect of me....

 

I only cried because all the buildup of him thinking its ok to diss me when drunk finally caught up to me. He just doesnt care, and it hurts. ( also, hes actually a FWB, not just a friend so there are emotions involved)

 

You guys should know that hes lost 3 female friends ( maybe more) since the start of the school year in August. Guys can handle his behavior, but Im not so sure girls can.

[DanDee]

Funny how the ladies are saying drop him and the guys are saying the opposite...

 

You could always confront him? See how he reacts and see if he does it again.

 

I don't know, maybe I have high standards when it comes to friends, but there at least needs to be some respect there.

 

Also... do you fancy him? Maybe that's why you're so sensitive about it?

[minou]

He is above you academically. You said it yourself. What's the big deal? That doesn't necessarily mean he'll do better in the courtroom. we all have strengths and weaknesses. One of the greatest strengths is being able to have a good laugh and not take yourself too seriously. I'd love him as a friend and I'm female. I like light hearted banter. To each his own. I do think you're being over sensitive.

[IntotheWild]

I'm reminded of My Cousin Vinny. He and his wife were always arguing... but they seemed to function well in all of their dysfunction.

 

"Sixth...sixth time was the charm for me."

[Jennibean]

Funny how the ladies are saying drop him and the guys are saying the opposite...

 

You could always confront him? See how he reacts and see if he does it again.

 

I don't know, maybe I have high standards when it comes to friends, but there at least needs to be some respect there.

 

Also... do you fancy him? Maybe that's why you're so sensitive about it?

 

Yup, confronted him several times. When hes drunk, when hes sober. Usually get a half-assed apology or nothing at all..then it happens again...

 

and yes I do fancy him unfortunatley it is/was a friends with benefits-type situation

[Cognitive_Canine]

"You may be book smart but you have absolutely no tact".

 

Honestly, if he's trying to be funny, it wasn't funny the first time. Sounds like he's insecure and needs to put you down to feel okay with himself. I'd stop hanging out with him. Feel unenthusiastic when he calls and just avoid him while he's drinking. He won't make friends with his smart mouth.

[Jennibean]

He is above you academically. You said it yourself. What's the big deal? That doesn't necessarily mean he'll do better in the courtroom. we all have strengths and weaknesses. One of the greatest strengths is being able to have a good laugh and not take yourself too seriously. I'd love him as a friend and I'm female. I like light hearted banter. To each his own. I do think you're being over sensitive.

 

I absolutley agree about not taking things too seriously, but I feel theres a time and place, and saying " I would crush you in the courtroom because Im smarter than you" when nobodys joking around is uncalled for ( or so I think)

 

but I'll still take your advice into account!

[DanDee]

It doesn't really seem like he will change. If he doesn't listen to you or ignores you when you're upset then I'm another that says drop him.

 

Obviously it will be difficult if there are feelings there but this option seems the easier one - someone picking at my self-esteem for their own amusement is just vile and must be very hard to put up with.

[Anotherday]

It seems to me the guy is just playing the part of competitive and smart lawyer, which is how lawyers are supposed to act.

 

If it bothers you so much, tell him. See how he reacts. At least give him the chance to respond. If he's a jerk about it THEN drop him.

[msDazed_N_Confused]

If it makes you feel bad, than he is not someone you should be around.

Even if you were hypersensitive, than he should respect you.

I have a friend who is to me quite sensitive, and i sometimes phrase things in a way he finds insulting. I always apologize for the way things come out (though honestly sometimes i think, Gosh you need to grow some..), cause i never want to intentionally hurt my friends feelings.

[pinkelephant]

He sounds bitter, bitter that you've had it easier so he's taking it out on you. You really don't need bitter people around you.

 

 

My manager at work calls me stupid all the time. It makes me laugh, because he's an idiot for even thinking that. It doesn't make me cry. So I agree with Hex there, that your reaction is strange -- that you need his approval too much.

[geekgirl4]

I think you should just drop him from the friends category to acquaintance and don't hang around him when he's drunk. I think he might have some self esteem issues, seeing as how he has to boast about his intelligence like that. I also think you should build some self confidence. You can have great grades but if you're a * * * * , you're not going to work that well with clients. That sort of over inflated ego could get him in trouble in the future. Also, sleeping with someone who likes to bring you down is usually toxic in the end, no matter how good the sex is. And if you're developing feelings for him... well, be careful...

[Cal Lily]

Competition may work for him in the law field, but it will only cause destruction in the bedroom.

 

Just because a woman cries, doesn't mean she has low self confidence ~ actually, it's quite the opposite.

 

I think men who don't cry are insecure.

[FathomFear]

I'm sorry, but that sounds like typical smack talk between friends. I wouldn't take it personally.

[hexaemeron]

Competition may work for him in the law field, but it will only cause destruction in the bedroom.

 

Just because a woman cries, doesn't mean she has low self confidence ~ actually, it's quite the opposite.

I think men who don't cry are insecure.

 

I don't think anyone said anything of the sort. However, I think it's at least possible in this case that the OP might be... overly sensitive, which is different.

[Jennibean]

Who knows, maybe I am a bit overly sensitive, but like I said, I wasnt crying over that specific comment per se; I was confronting him for the millionth time and he didnt give a damn. Whenever he confronts me about something Ive done to offend him, I apologize and make a note not to repeat that behavior, yet when I confront him, nothing ever changes. So I was basically crying because I came to the realization that he just doesnt care about me...

[Cognitive_Canine]

I suppose it all depends on the delivery what he said.

 

I can tell the difference between a joke and an insult. But, I can't when I'm only reading the conversation through dry text. It could be either.