Looking for help from the ladies

[Maveric]

Looking for some opinions from the ladies. I'm 29 years old, considered attractive male, got a great career, own car, significant amount of money in the bank, good manners and been told good personality. I refrain from dating though because I live with my parents still and feel that women my age (late 20s - early 30s) will judge me negatively because of this. I fear that they may associate me with being lazy, poor, unable to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. which is not the case at all. The only reason I still live with them is because for the past two years I've been saving money to buy my own house which I intend to do in approximately 12 months and am very excited to do so. After graduating university, I went to travel the world for a year and a half before I finally settled into my career so things started off a bit late for me which I now kind of regret. I guess I'll cut to the chase, for all you ladies out there, would you have a problem dating someone my age who still lives with parents? What are your opinions on this?

[orchidrose]

I'll be completely honest.. it would really turn me off. I'm 23 and I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17. While I admire the fact that you're saving for a house, I just couldn't imagine having to make sure the parents aren't home when I go to my guy's place.

[Notreadyet87]

I wouldn't be able to. Though buying a house is commendable, I just wouldn't date someone who still lived at home at that age especially if the main reason is because he was saving. Not only would be awkward for me, but as a whole I feel strongly about men and women moving out of their parents well into their mid twenties, and establishing themselves as independent--thus already having the living on their own experience to bring to the table.

There is nothing wrong with your situation, you sound like a catch, but again being that your almost 30 and still lived at home, would still turn me off.

Plenty of people I know, that have been able to save money and buy a house, while living even in a studio apartment on their own rather than staying at their parents home. Which is why I prefer a man to be saving and taking slightly more time to get his place, than still living with his parents and not being as independent as I am while we are dating.

But again that is just my preference.

[Maveric]

I'll be completely honest.. it would really turn me off. I'm 23 and I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17. While I admire the fact that you're saving for a house, I just couldn't imagine having to make sure the parents aren't home when I go to my guy's place.

 

I appreciate the input. That's what I figured most people would think. Let me explain my side though. I could have moved out when I was 20 or so but say when I'm 30 I'd be living a life of high depts like most people do in those years. I'd probably be making monthly payments on a car, high mortgage payments on a house and probably have some school depts I'd be still paying off leaving little money for leisure. Now in my case, because I stuck around my parents house, when I buy a place in 10-12 months, I will have a small mortgage payment since I already saved up 50% of house price [150,000 in the bank], have two cars completely paid off and no depts whatsoever. Aren't these better circumstances to start a young family?

[petite]

I suppose it would depend on what kind of a relationship the guy had with his parents and if I got along with the family or not. Although an independent guy is nice, it isn't a complete deal breaker to be with someone who still lives with their parents. One of my ex's lived with his parents (28-30 while we were together) and I didn't care ether way. However, a guy I'm dating lives alone and I certainly like the benefits of us spending time just alone.

[froufrou]

I'm from a background where it's NORMAL to live with your parents until you get married. You sound like you'd be a big hit in the Middle East. Wrong continent !!

[Buddha5254]

Mav, Im not a lady but what you are doing is not a problem. You are taking command of your life and finances in a big effing way. Anyone judging you for that is just off base in my opinion. It would be one thing if you just sat around since high school doing jack * * * * and you still live with your folks but you arent. You are really responsible and a good girl should be able to see that. If my parents didnt live cross country I would move in with them in a heartbeat to save cash for a place. You are doing good things man and dont let those other comments get you down.

[Maveric]

I'm from a background where it's NORMAL to live with your parents until you get married. You sound like you'd be a big hit in the Middle East. Wrong continent !!

 

haha true I guess

[Go Habs Go]

I don't see why women should be turned off by this. There's a huge difference between you and someone that mooches off their parents. You're responsible, pay your own way, are independent, and will have a house in the near future. In this economy, many people are moving back home to save money. You should be commended, not a turn off to the opposite sex.

[Maveric]

I don't see why women should be turned off by this. There's a huge difference between you and someone that mooches off their parents. You're responsible, pay your own way, are independent, and will have a house in the near future. In this economy, many people are moving back home to save money. You should be commended, not a turn off to the opposite sex.

 

I hear ya bud, and it seems like most of my guy friends agree with me but most ladies share a different mind set.

[petite]

I don't see why women should be turned off by this. There's a huge difference between you and someone that mooches off their parents. You're responsible, pay your own way, are independent, and will have a house in the near future. In this economy, many people are moving back home to save money. You should be commended, not a turn off to the opposite sex.

 

It can be a turn of if the parents are always around. There is no private time and when you're trying to have a romantic dinner or a bubble bath with the person you're dating, maybe even just a movie, wine and cuddles it is kind of hard to do with parents around.

What if they want to spend the night together? Go to a hotel?

[Go Habs Go]

I hear ya bud, and it seems like most of my guy friends agree with me but most ladies share a different mind set.

 

 

And I bet those ladies will be throwing themselves at you when you have your home. Nothing short of shallow. Those are the types you want to avoid.

 

BTW, Vive le Quebec!

[Go Habs Go]

It can be a turn of if the parents are always around. There is no private time and when you're trying to have a romantic dinner or a bubble bath with the person you're dating, maybe even just a movie, wine and cuddles it is kind of hard to do with parents around.

What if they want to spend the night together? Go to a hotel?

 

 

You're 29. Don't you have a place of your own? He's trying to improve his life. Yes, it might be a bit of an inconvenience for about a year, but anyone that's understanding would deal with it.

[petite]

You're 29. Don't you have a place of your own? He's trying to improve his life. Yes, it might be a bit of an inconvenience for about a year, but anyone that's understanding would deal with it.

 

Actually I do. It isn't a complete deal breaker, but it can be a turn off. If I can have my own place, there is no reason he can't. Especially if the guy has a stable good career, they also don't need 2 cars. I'd rather have 1 car and a home, than 2 cars and no home.

[YakasJourney]

I live with my parents and I am about to start med school. When I can afford my own place I will get one, maybe in 1-2 years. Basically it's only a problem for people who buy into the western notion that you must "move out and be independent as early as possible-because-that's-what-you're-supposed-to-do-right." There are entire regions of the world where large extended families live together for their entire lives. Sure it would be an issue if you were just sitting around doing nothing but that is not the case. Also there are people with their own apartments who just party and play video games. Are they are a better person to date? I say if a girl wants to pass me up because of that, it is her loss.

[Maveric]

And I bet those ladies will be throwing themselves at you when you have your home. Nothing short of shallow. Those are the types you want to avoid.

 

BTW, Vive le Quebec!

 

Kind of how I feel but I can also sort of understand their point of view, from a nonshallow perspective. Thank you guys!

 

A bientot

[petite]

Whole different ballgame. You are in med school, that alone would warrant you to live with your parents. There certainly are people who I'd say for their own benefit it would be better if they stayed with their families. But if someone has a good career, than it might be time for them to start being independent. Doesn't matter how old you are when one lives with parents, it's never ideal.

[teabee]

It's inconvenient, but it wouldn't put me off a guy. You're trying to buy a house, not trying to mooch off your parents and avoid responsibility and independence. You are smart for getting it together now so that you can be stable and in your own home in the near future.

[SnowFox]

Given the way our economy is going, there will probably be increasing numbers of people who share housing with family members.

 

If you live at home and expect your parents to do all your chores for you, etc, then that would be a strike against you in my opinion, but doing it to be financially responsible, I would not hold it against you.

 

Much better than than racking up loads of credit card debt.

 

It doesn't matter how many women don't think you should live with your parents, all you need to do is find one who doesn't think that way!

[g84]

I don't think that sounds bad, and you're also pretty close to meeting your goal of moving out as well. You have a lot of things under control; you're almost where you want to be.

I don't know if i'm really one who should comment though, because i am still trying to figure things out right now, and maybe some people out there (who may not really know what has brought me to this point) expect me to have already done that. I guess i can only go at my own pace ultimately.

[Notreadyet87]

I appreciate the input. That's what I figured most people would think. Let me explain my side though. I could have moved out when I was 20 or so but say when I'm 30 I'd be living a life of high depts like most people do in those years. I'd probably be making monthly payments on a car, high mortgage payments on a house and probably have some school depts I'd be still paying off leaving little money for leisure. Now in my case, because I stuck around my parents house, when I buy a place in 10-12 months, I will have a small mortgage payment since I already saved up 50% of house price [150,000 in the bank], have two cars completely paid off and no depts whatsoever. Aren't these better circumstances to start a young family?

Yes they are better circumstances, but still during the dating period it may be a little awkward to find a place just to relax without it always being "come to my place". I understand why you are living with your parents, and it financially it makes sense.

It wouldn't be a complete dealbreaker but unless I was looking to get married soon, I wouldn't really care to much about the house and 2 cars.

Ideally a man having a large house and 2 cars is great, but isn't necessary if I'm only dating someone and getting to know them.

I had a friend who's brother lived at home until he turned thirty, and then he got married shortly after, and they bought a house together. The only problem is that before she married she had been living on her own for a while... So when they got married, she was a lot more responsible about certain aspects to owning a place than he was.

I guess where I'm coming from is that I actually would rather a man work and save and live on his own(maintain independence) for a while, so that when we came together we both have experience, we both know how to manage, etc.

 

But I actually think there are plenty of women that would be attracted to your goals.

[Mauxly]

I think you are wise with your finances and will make a great catch someday soon. But now, the parents thing would probably freak most women out. People change a whole lot on the years after they leave the nest. Since you haven't yet, we don't really know who you are yet, you haven't become that independent man who can take care of himself. Not that you can't, I firmly believe that you can. Like I said, super smart with money/ life plan.

The good news is that in a few years you'll be traveled, independent, and in an exceptional situation to start a family. Total catch. But until then you might not have the best pick of women.

 

Just hold put a bit longer. Anyway, why would you want to get trapped in relationship on the verge of a big adventure?

[alli]

It doesn't particularly sound awesome that you are 29 & living with your parents, but any woman who stuck around long enough to hear you out I think wouldn't see it as a huge deal, considering the circumstances of why you do what you do.

 

On a side note, wouldn't it be better for you to buy a house now so you can get the $8k first time homebuyer tax credit? If they still are even doing that.

[annie24]

If I lived in Montreal, I'd give you my phone number, lol!!

 

i think what victoria said is true, with the economy the way it is, there are lots of people moving back in with their parents. i personally wouldn't be able to live with my mom, it would drive me up the wall.

 

as long as the guy is living with the parents to buy a house in the near-ish future, i would be ok with that. if he were being a bum, i would not be ok with that.

 

good luck! i think now is a great time to buy!

[annie24]

On a side note, wouldn't it be better for you to buy a house now so you can get the $8k first time homebuyer tax credit? If they still are even doing that.

 

he lives in canada. i don't know if they have that there, or some kind of similar new homebuyer credit there. one of the canadians would have to tell us!