Overwhelmed.

[sortaconfused]

I'm almost 23, still a virgin, haven't had a relationship in 2 years. I'm about to finish my 5th year of college but I'm probably going to fail all my classes. I have been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety previously.

 

I literally feel like I have no future ahead of me, I have no self confidence and I can't even go to classes when I know that absences are going to make me fail. I never learned how to talk to girls and I'm too clingy and push away every girl that is even remotely interested in me. I constantly have paranoid thoughts and overthink every aspect of my life.

 

I think that I'm going to fail out of college in 2 weeks and I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I don't think I can handle a failure like that... If I can't even get a girl in 5 years of college, I'm never going to be able to out in the real world. Right now I'm self conscious about things that don't even exist, delusions about myself.

 

I needed to prove to myself that I could accomplish something and finish college but I really don't know if thats possible for me. I already feel like everybody is judging me, and if I fail out then I'm going to feel like every positive comment or action that somebody says or does to me is going to be out of sympathy for me failing. I've wasted countless amount of my parents money and got nothing out of it that will help me in life.

 

The past 3 years I've had the same thing happen... I go to a therapist, get to a point where I feel stable, then I get overconfident and stop myself from going anymore. It's easy to say that I should just stay in some kind of treatment but I've said that before and I always end up on this same path of destruction. It's a vicious circle and I really can't escape it.

 

Nobody is ever going to be interested in dating somebody with as many issues as I have... I can't even stand being around myself right now. I lay awake until 5 AM because I can't stop thinking every night then sleep through the day, I'm a complete waste of life. I don't even know what I hope to get from posting this, I just needed to get this out somehow...

-sC

[FathomFear]

It sounds like you're trying to tackle too many concerns at once. I would isolate your issues into different bullets:

 

- Concerned that your mental health is degrading quickly

- Concerned that you won't graduate

- Concerned that you'll never find a partner

- Concerned that you'll never have a job

 

Those are the ones that stick out at me. I know it's difficult, but you need to focus on them one at a time. If you tackle them all together you'll likely get too frustrated and give up.

 

If I were you I'd be focusing on your mental health. Failing your classes is not the end of the world; you can go back and finish. But if you let your mental health spiral out of control I think that will just result in even more problems for you.

[Thx]

Hi Sorta,

 

Say, 5 years of college?

 

I was fortunate to endure 2 years.

 

A relationship 2 years ago?

 

My last was 6 years ago and it was the most funky, awkward, unlikely, "nothing there" relationship you ever saw.

 

What did you study in school?

 

You still have the credits for what you completed, don't let judgmental people (or the mere fear of them) define your future, I bet many of them don't even have 2 years at community like me. (Uh, almost 2 years... I didn't graduate.)

 

(In fact, I didn't graduate high school either. GED)

 

No no, it is too early to toss in the towel mate.

 

 

 

"There's no use in quitting when the world is waiting for you..."

 

Thx

[sortaconfused]

Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it. I feel a bit more stable today and I've started to take steps to see if I might be able to salvage my college experience. It helped to look at each issue individually but it's hard for me to do, when I start thinking about one my mind just kind of takes over and I end up thinking about everything and going in circles with my thoughts. Still not in the best situation but I'm taking things one day at a time. Once again, thanks for the advice and support, it really did help.

 

-sC