Million dollar question

[SadAndy]

my question is probably the holy grail for us on this site but my ex is looking healthier and getting happier by the day in her new relationship while I look and feel like sh&t thanks to the circumstances surrounding our split and the way she went about it.

 

I am dating women but i'm not in the right frame of mind or body.

I accept it will take time but its getting harder by the day. Each day feels like a week.

 

Everyone is telling me what a great guy i am and 3 out of the 4 women are keen for further dates. How is it then, that the one woman that matters is the one who 'fell out of love' with me?

[Mustachio]

Thats not really a question that can be easily answered.

 

However, after reading your other post, I think you will realize that any person who did the things she did really isnt the person who matters in the long run.

 

You are hurting now, not enough time has passed, but it will and you will feel better. Your confidence has probably taken a huge shot, but you will gain it back. Just keep going day by day and focus on things for yourself and it will get better.

[sidehop]

Hang in there Andy, things will get better like Mustachio said. You deserve much better than your ex.

[OccultFigurine]

How is it then, that the one woman that matters is the one who 'fell out of love' with me?

 

She's the one who matters right now because you are still healing- it may be impossible right now to view her now as just one other person,and I don't want to belittle your pain.

 

But *one* day you'll see this in perspective,and like the others say, hang on in there and focus on yourself

 

Take care

[brainfog]

I can only speak from my past experience. I think it was a few things.

 

A feeling of loss of control over my life, I mean she went and did what she wanted without my input and sort of left me in the dust, hurt and confused and wondering what I did to deserve that. So in a way, I saw her as stronger.

 

Also an inability to see my future and constantly living in the past and present, rehashing better days in my head. All this really will make you feel and look like sh**.

 

Fast forward 7 years and I can recognize what happened, but not then.

Now I think my life is much better than the ex's. My kids see me way more than my ex and choose to live near me while she lives far away. I came out better in the end. Rarely even think of her and when I do, it's more like pity for her.

[CatsMeeoow]

Because as human beings we are stuck in the cycle of wanting what we can't have... it drives us to unreasonable things sometimes.

 

It will get better... but you must realize that you are now the victim of your own mind.

 

Take each day at a time and if you enjoy meeting new people well continuing to date on a non-serious level is a great way to keep your people skills intact and polished.

 

When you are ready you will let go of the idea of this person. We all have different time frames.

 

Good Luck

[happylady]

Alot of the times people take advantage of a good thing and dont realize it until later. Sure she may be doing great now, but you never know what her future holds. I am a firm believer in karma and things coming back to people. I have faith that you will get over this and find someone that is deserving of you. Think of it like this... sometimes we have to go through the bad to get to the good. I read your past posts and she surely didnt deserve someone like you by her actions. keep your head up and believe it will get better. You two were together for a long time and it will most likely take some time to forget about her as a partner but it will happen. Once the rose colored glasses come off you will see her as who she is now, not how she once was.

[Carus]

Andy*

 

Your soul is now hanging over the fires of Mordor, and boy do I know how that feels....I was there for months before they took me down and laid me in a bed to start healing.....

 

And so.....as hard as it is....You are now going to have to rewire your entire system.....this takes focus, strength and a lot of work.....

 

My point being that, you are still focusing on what SHES doing. How SHES feeling. How she's looking...etc etc.....

 

Need to turn it around buddy....

 

What do YOU need to do now..? This is now about YOU.... What steps do YOU need to take now....

 

Rewiring our brains and sense of self is probably the hardest thing a human spirit can go through....But you CAN do it....You NEED to do it....and you need to start NOW!!

 

Mornings are still the worst for me. One thing I found that helps is when I get up with those fking thoughts running around I sing songs instead....Fill my head with lyrics....then think about what I need to do over the next few hours.....Whatever it takes to get those thoughts out of there!! And yes, this is after 10 months now.....so dont delay*

 

Its hard...not impossible...takes what seems an eternity....But entirely nessecary....

Do you see it...?

 

I spent months hoping and praying to a god I dont believe in that it was just a rebound....they are still together 11 months later and I am still alone and recovering*

 

My point there is: If you are waiting for something to happen to them, then even one day will be too long*

 

Stay Strong Bro*

K2*