wildflower_65 Posted April 15, 2010 Share Posted April 15, 2010 The man I loved died almost 11 months ago and even a few months after his death people were gently suggesting that I'd grieved enough. People would say "He wouldn't want to see you like this" or "He'd like to know you were leading a full and happy life". Nobody seemed to really understand I was in the depths of despair and couldn't help it. Grief doesn't have a time limit - it has a course of its own and that is different for every individual. Now more time has passed I find this problem is rearing it's ugly head again. People don't seem to understand I am still grieving. There are times when I feel okay in between the grief and as time passes these seem to increase but I still get those moments when my thoughts wander back and it is painful. To think of the qualities that make up that wonderful person that is now gone forever makes me ache. To imagine the life we would have had if we were given more time - our wedding, our children etc - is almost unbearable. I never intend to go there with my thoughts as it wipes me out emotionally but sometimes things around you act as a trigger and before you realize it - there you are. When I am there I just go with it. Why should I pretend otherwise to spare the feelings of others? I am hurting to my very core and won't act cheery to make them more comfortable. Neither do I wallow in it as it is painful. When I am in this state I find it really sad that people cannot understand. I have been advised to remove all reminders of him from my life, to get a hobby, to get out more etc. They really believe they are being helpful rather than insensitive. All I know is that it is approaching the first anniversary and that is going to be very difficult . But I adored this man and knowing him (although fleetingly in comparison to some) changed my world and touched the very heart of me so I cannot act as if none of this happened. Link to comment
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