Do shorter relationships have a chance?

[Civic204]

My ex and I became friends (professional relationship only) in October 09 and we started dating in late November 09. We are in a small town right now, so when I went back to my home city (1000km away) for Christmas, she flew out there to be with me and meet my entire family. I drove back home Christmas day, and the day before, she let me stay over at her parents place where I met all of her family. We had the best time of our lives in my home city, where we even celebrated New Year's together.

 

Mid January, I could sense that something was wrong. One day, she broke out in tears and said that "we should just be friends". Reasons: she felt I was too smart/educated for her and that she thinks I want someone smarter (me being university-educated, her with a diploma from a technical college). Of course I tried to fix it at first, as she is the first major relationship I've had. We stayed in touch from mid-January until about mid-March. At first, she wanted to continue doing things we used to do together, like make dinner for each other, workout at the gym together, and even massage each other.

 

Now it's like she doesn't even want to acknowledge me. She deleted me off her Facebook, off her BlackBerry messenger, and never responds to my texts anymore. The last time we texted each other was about one week ago.

 

I've come to accept the fact that things aren't how they used to be. Does she just need time to sort herself out? Does our relationship, albeit only was a few months, still stand a chance? I have been in no contact with her since a week ago and will stay that way, unless she initiates contact.

 

Last few weeks have been hard, as I am currently living in a small town (technically a city, but feels like a town) and all my family and friends are 1000km away, whereas she is a local and has her support network nearby. This whole experience has even made me question the possibility of moving back to my home city, but that would mean a lot of hassle and repaying of contract bonuses which I don't want to do, especially because of one woman... whom I still think about all the time.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Stay where you are and forget about her.

she felt I was too smart/educated for her and that she thinks I want someone smarter

. That's just a lame way of saying she is no longer interested. It is twisting things around to indirectly put the blame on you. It wouldn't surprise me if she had met someone else and was with you until the other relationship really got off the ground. Sadly lots of people do this...continue hooking in the ex while exploring another possibility.

[Ms Darcy]

I think the first thing you need to realize is that you are not in a relationship anymore. It sounds like it's hard for you to let go because you don't have a friendship/family support system nearby. That's the first thing that you need to work on ... finding friends and other people to connect with. It's entirely possible that she's not interested for other reasons. Those are reasons she needs to work out within herself. Keep leaving her alone and move on. Don't hope that she'll come back. If she does, good for you guys, but don't bet on it for your own sanity.

[Civic204]

I think the first thing you need to realize is that you are not in a relationship anymore. It sounds like it's hard for you to let go because you don't have a friendship/family support system nearby. That's the first thing that you need to work on ... finding friends and other people to connect with. It's entirely possible that she's not interested for other reasons. Those are reasons she needs to work out within herself. Keep leaving her alone and move on. Don't hope that she'll come back. If she does, good for you guys, but don't bet on it for your own sanity.

 

At first, I wanted her to come back to me, but now, I've come to realize that yes, for my own sanity, I've got to let her go. One of my friends says that he wouldn't be surprised if she comes back, seeing how she ended things so quickly with me.

 

The last thing I texted her, which was about a week ago was this:

Its too bad this had to happen, we were once so happy. I know uve been distancing yourself from me. I'm not going to stop u.

 

She never responded, and I haven't messaged her since.

[geminigirl1234]

Perhaps she was telling you the truth when she broke out in tears and said that she thinks you may be too smart/educated for her.

 

I know that there are many people out there who are scared of getting hurt (I know I was like this in the past and in fact I also broke up with a guy that I really liked and told him it wouldnt work because I was scared of getting hurt/abandoned).

 

When a woman cries in front of you, in my opinion (me being a woman lol)

it shows that she still cares.

 

I know that when I broke it off with that guy, I cried too...Oh and I still think about him lots.

 

So, if it really was the case that she is scared of getting hurt....

I would just distance yourself from her for a bit and see what happens

 

She might contact you again, and if not, then after giving her lots of space (wait a couple of months) contact her and just start casually talking.

In the meantime though I would just try hanging out with friends, and just being happy on your own

 

 

Hope this helps.

[Civic204]

Thanks for that reply, I appreciate the part when you said that when a woman cries a lot, it shows she still cares. She definitely did cry a lot, I remember her even texting me how she would cry at work in the bathroom because "everything was sh*t".

 

It's been a week since our last contact, and yes, no plans to contact her anytime soon... at least a couple months.