A thank you letter to the jerk who used & dumped me

[citymouse]

This one is for anyone who has ever been dumped, got their heart broken, and felt like the sun would never come out again.

 

 

Dear Jerk,

 

Since you dumped me so coldly and suddenly last fall, I never really got a chance to tell you this in person. So I'm saying it now. THANK YOU.....

 

When you came into my life last fall, I was at a low point emotionally. I was lonely, fragile, and aching for companionship.

 

You flirted with me, pumped me up with compliments, and turned on the charm. We had a lot of fun for a few weeks there. I remember the last time you left my apartment after spending the night. You looked into my eyes, said "I love you," walked out the door, and then disappeared from my life with no explanation.

 

After a couple of weeks of being stood up and playing phone tag with you, I got the picture. I realized how stupid I was to fall for your lines and go to bed with you so quickly, but I also hated you for taking advantage of me when you knew I was vulnerable.

 

I spent a few weeks curled up into a ball every day after work. I cried a river and hurt so bad that sometimes, I could hardly breathe. I felt that there must be something profoundly wrong with me if I couldn't even keep a loser like you interested.

 

Fast forward nearly five months later. I now realize that I owe you a huge thank you.

 

Thank you for dumping me. Because if you hadn't dumped me, I probably would have stayed with you to avoid going back to the overwhelming loneliness and pain. I probably would have stayed stuck in our miserable excuse for a relationship.

 

If you hadn't dumped me, and then refused to acknowledge me when we accidentally ran into each other the day before Thanksgiving, I wouldn't have gotten mad. Burning, boiling mad. So angry that I ended up taking out a membership with E-harmony.

 

If you hadn't dumped me, I wouldn't have then met the guy I'm currently seeing, who treats me with tenderness and respect day after day, week after week, and told me today that he hopes we will spend the rest of our lives together.

 

Even if that doesn't end up happening, I'm still grateful for this beautiful romance that is unfolding in my life right now with this wonderful, amazing man.

 

So thanks, Jerk. I wouldn't be as happy as I am today if it weren't for you!

 

Oh So Sincerely,

 

Citymouse

[90_hour_sleep]

heh...i'm confused...although...this seems to shed some light on your other thread, city.

 

can i ask what the motivation for posting this was? still holding on to parts of your previous relationship? is there a chance that this is contributing to what you're feeling with the new guy? a part of the old patterns maybe?

[citymouse]

 

can i ask what the motivation for posting this was?

 

I'm just feeling really blessed and grateful to have found my new b/f. We were talking today about how lucky we feel to have found each other.

 

 

I almost did not join E-harmony because I felt so defeated by the last break-up. It scares me now when I think how close I came to staying stuck in the grieving process... if I hadn't pushed myself to get out there again, I never would have met my new b/f.

 

 

I also realized in the past several weeks that I am losing more of the resentment and anger I had towards the ex. I haven't quite forgiven him yet. But I realized I have now reached that wonderful point where he has no power over me anymore. After he dumped me, I avoided the business where he works for months (it's literally right around the corner from my apt.). .... Now I no longer care what he thinks.

 

So I guess my motivation was that -- after all of the garbage I posted about him last fall and what he did to me --- I wanted to post something as a final epitaph. I'm not afraid of him anymore.

[fearless31]

that's great citymouse, i really really hope it works out for you and i'm glad you're happy! your story is encouraging and struck a cord with me today...i followed your story as i joined this last november when i went through my breakup. after 5 years, 5 months seems like nothing and i don't think i'm ready to get out there yet...but i think (hope?!) i will be soon. i just don't want to rush it.

 

funny that something happened with your ex that made you made which then made you join eharmony and led you to your current bf...because something happened to me last weekend and made me so mad that i'm kinda feeling the need to do something too. not sure what, but i hope it turns out that way for me as well!

 

BEST of luck to you and thanks for sharing your story

[BriarRose]

Do you think you would be really over him had you not met someone new? That's what I always wonder - seems no one really moves on until they have new partner.

[MalibuOne]

Do you think you would be really over him had you not met someone new? That's what I always wonder - seems no one really moves on until they have new partner.

 

I often feel that way myself. I wonder if I need the validation or something.

[BriarRose]

I often feel that way myself. I wonder if I need the validation or something.

I don't think it's the validation so much as people just get lonely and want love, sex and companionship. At least for me, validation has nothing to do with it. I just want a partner in life, and it's hard for me to get over someone if I am going to bed alone every night.

[moyno85]

I don't want to sound like a downer but it kind of sounds like a rebound?

 

Why are you still worrying about your ex to the point that you are posting on this site?

[TurtleDove12]

You be careful now.

[citymouse]

Do you think you would be really over him had you not met someone new? That's what I always wonder - seems no one really moves on until they have new partner.

 

I think ideally, I would have been strong on my own and I would have put it behind me by focusing on new interests, hobbies, friends, etc. -- just because that seems like the healthy thing that we would all aspire to. But the truth is, I'm not so sure. I don't think I would have healed to the degree that I have.

 

When I met the new guy who ended up being my b/f, it gave me something else to focus on. A positive direction where I could channel my energies. I'm not saying I forgot about it completely, but I gradually stopped fretting so much about how the other guy did me wrong, and channeled more of my energy toward getting to know my new guy.

 

I have run into my ex several times lately. A few weeks ago he literally ran into me at the grocery store with his grocery cart by accident (he was coming around a corner). I looked awful that day, no makeup, sloppy hair, sloppy sweats with a poochy tummy .... and I didn't even care what I looked like or what he thought.

 

If it weren't for the fact that I have a new b/f now, I probably would have been kicking myself all afternoon and stressing and thinking "why did I have to look so awful when I ran into him." It might sound superficial but in the past it was always important to me to look my best if I ran into an ex, especially an ex who dumped me. So when I didn't care this time, not even a little bit, that was the moment when I realized I really was over him.

 

While I wish I could say I could have made this progress all on my own, I think having a new b/f was a huge help.

 

 

I don't want to sound like a downer but it kind of sounds like a rebound?

 

Why are you still worrying about your ex to the point that you are posting on this site?

 

It was only a fling that lasted a few weeks, not a major relationship, so the rebound issue didn't apply IMO. I'm not still worrying about him -- this was an "aha" moment I had two months ago and I wanted to put it in writing.

[moyno85]

I'm glad you are happy, just be careful - you don't want to feel twice as bad if this one doesn't work out.

[MalibuOne]

I think you're onto something. Not every post breakup relationship needs to be entered into with the goal of long term commitment. As long as you're not stringing anyone along, I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy the diversion. There IS such a thing as casual dating...