I had to have my mom committed...anyone been through this?

[jenna981]

Last night my mom had to be committed for mental evaluation at the local hospital. she's been having paranoid delusions of the neighbors, my dad and me plotting against her and thinking she hears noises under the house for many years now. It's most likely schizophrenia.

 

I was hoping someone had some knowledge on the best way to go about making sure the doctors don't do any funny stuff and that she is being treated well.

 

Well, last night she was yelling and cursing at the neighbors and she thought my dad was going along with them and she took a wood board and smashed his car windshield. This was the most violent I've ever seen her. Some other neighbors heard her smashing the windshield and they called the cops.

 

Now, I asked the cops if I could go with her and if they were going to handcuff her. I told them I didn't want her getting hurt. After a few hours of trying to coax her to go to the hospital willingly, they had to force her out. And what did they do?? The cops handcuffed her while she was still in her nightgown and had no shoes and put her in the back of the cop car. This whole time she is hysterical, screaming and yelling and crying "NOOOOOO!" she also said the handcuffs were too tight, but the cops said they had to take them off when they got to the hospital. They told me she was just overreacting, but you never know when someone is crazy if they are telling the truth or not. So I felt really bad. I also noticed while we were trying to coax her out of the house she put some money in the pocket of her nightgown, it looked like 2 $20s and some $1 bills. Then when she was finally in the car they said I couldn't go with her! I can't tell yous how mad I was they lied to me!

 

I got to see her today. The first thing I did was check her wrists, and sure enough there were some bruises and scratches from the handcuffs!! Jeeze, it's not like she was being arrested for something illegal, she has an uncontrollable illness. Then I asked to see the nightgown she was wearing last night (they changed her into the hospital clothes) and the money wasn't in there. I asked the guard or whatever there and he said he didn't take it and that I might have to ask the people that took her in the night before. Now I'm mad they probably took the money. They might figure she is crazy so they could get away with it say they don't know, but I know I seen her put it in her pocket. It's just the immoral act of taken advantage of someone that makes my blood boil.

 

When my dad and I were leaving we were told she is going to talk to the psychiatrist through video. Really? Can they make a solid diagnosis through video?? And so far the doctor hasn't called us to tell her whats up with her. My dad called before and was told they are getting to take her to a regular mental hospital. the psychiatrist hasn't even talked to my dad or me about our options or if we even want that. we don't know what meds they plan to put her on. it just doesn't seem right. I feel we should sit down in person and took to the doctor to discuss my mom and what we can do.

 

Has anyone been through anything similar? Is there anything I can say about the missing money from her pocket? Do I have any say in if she goes to a mental hospital? I wanted her to just be treated with medicine and to come home.

 

sorry for this being so long, I have noone else to turn to

[abitbroken]

It is possible that the handcuffs were not tight. Bruising can occur when someone tries to get them off even if they are kinda loose. The reason they handcuffed her is probably to restrain her if she was fighting or lashing out or they thought she might hurt herself. BTW, you can take someone to the hospital without cops involved but I would imagine you called them because of the windshield. As far as the money, also consider that maybe it fell out of the nightgown in the scuffle or somewhere else. It could have been taken, it could have been put in a bag with personal items to be released later to her, too.

 

As far as the doctors, your mother is an adult, and if she tells the doctors she doesn't want you to know what is going on with her, they don't tell you. Its part of patient privacy laws. A relative of my ex was taken to the hospital and they only gave information to a certain extent unless there had been an appointed guardian. If it is determined that she is normally sound but had a lapse, she is still considered capable of making her own decisions.

[avman]

Hi Jenna,

 

If you are in the U.S. the process you need is a rather drawn out legal one. You'll probably want to talk to an attorney about how to go about this. You have to be declared her guardian and possibly her conservator as well. A doctor or set of doctors has to sign off that she's mentally incapacitated.

 

Is your dad still married to your mom? If so, he might have an easier time of this in getting information and making medical decisions on her behalf.

[Seraphim]

I agree, if you struggle while being cuffed or after you are going to get bruised. It is possible that the hospital is holding her property for her.

 

I am sorry you have to deal with this. My father too suffers from mental illness and he has been taken to mental facilities by police and had his rotator cuff torn. I really feel for you having a parent with mental illness. At the same time the authorities and the police can not let them self be in harm's way either. I do understand your anxiety and grief though. I was very mad to find out that my father had been harmed but from what was said he was being very violent and got into a struggle with the police.

[coolgirl]

Jenna, I'm sorry your going through this. The thing I dont understand why the cops had to get involved for your mom's behavior but when I was having a mental breakdown myself 3 years ago my apartment manager called the paramedics and got wheeled off. Did, you try talking to the cops that took your mother? And trying to explain to them that its better to take an ambulance rather than wheeling her off by the police car?

 

Also the answer to your question yes, the hospital does have video sessions if a pscyatrist isn't on hand. when I got admitted to the hospital a year ago there was a pscyatrist on video that had talked to me as well. She and the doctor spoken together into getting me the right treatmeant but never went through with the treatmeant. I was suppose to be placed in therpy including psycatriy help with the help of medication. I just refused to do any of those stuff.

 

I dont know if your mom has been taken to the psycatriy unit or not but get with her doctor's and the people that are going to help her and have them update you on which meds there going to put her on just try to be updated. Both you and your father so at least you two know that the condition she is in.

 

Listen, if you wanna talk more feel free to pm me i've been down the psyatric unit so I know how it is. So if you like PM me i be happy to give you any information you would need. Hope all works well for you and your family.

[Seraphim]

The police got involved because bashing in someone's car is a crime and probably the neighbours reported a domestic violence incident.

[jenna981]

thanks for all the replies. A neighbor called the cops because they heard the windshield. I don't even know which neighbor it was. From there my dad and I agreed to have the cops see her. My dad didn't press charges on her, but maybe the neighbors said they felt threatened, but I don't know for sure.

 

Before this incident, she had a different episode, although not as violent. My dad did call the hospital and asked if they could take her and they said the cops would have to do it. Although someone from the hospital has to sign a paper to let the cops legally take her. Then we decided not to have her taken in because we knew it wouldn't be easy with cops involved.

 

 

I am pretty close to my mom, although in her current state she isn't thinking clearly. I've been watching after her everyday for about 2 years now. I don't think she would tell them to hold things private, but I suppose it is possible. I never imagined she'd be capable of smashing a windshield, but she did. If she is talking gibberish and acting bizarre, can the doctors still listen to her?

 

She isn't legally married to my dad, they are just together. We can't really afford a lawyer. I wish we could in case anything goes wrong. so that makes me want to keep a closer eye on what the doctors are doing and how they are handling her. although I guess what I say might not have much of an impact without a lawyer.

 

And the money could of fell out, but I imagine someone would of seen it if it did. I did only check the nightgown and not the rest of the stuff in the plastic bag they put personal items in. There were also other people in the psych ward, so I guess if it fell out then I wouldn't be surprised if one of the other patients took it. I'd feel better if it did turn up though, just to have a sign the nurses and doctors there are honest and caring.

[Sunny1607307996]

I'm sorry this is happening to your mother.

 

All I can say is that if you get a funny feeling about the hospital (i.e. the video conferences) look into having her switched to a different hospital. There are many different types of mental health facilities and some may be better equipped to deal with your mother and make you more at ease.

 

Best of luck.

[Miss Firecracker]

I wouldn't think twice about the money. You will very likely never know what happened to it. They would take anything of value away because patients will do the strangest things in the hospital until they are stabilized. I know someone that ate an orange crayon on a dare...seriously he ate the entire thing.

 

This is a good thing, your mom is finally getting the help she has needed for so very long. Thank goodness for that. Hopefully she will get the right medication to bring her back to you guys. Good luck to you and your family!!

[abitbroken]

well - don't look for "signs" - if patients took it or it fell out in the cop car, etc, it has no bearing on the caring of the doctors. It is a random occurrence.

 

If your parents are not legally married and they are not established as common law married in your state, they may not tell your dad anything unless she insists or unless he has been legally appointed as her guardian, though sometimes courts appoint an advocate.

 

You don't need the type of lawyer for a criminal trial, you would need a social worker , but that's just my opinion, if your dad isn't pressing charges. I wouldn't blame the neighbor for calling. They might not have even seen who was doing the smashing and just heard and saw out of the corner of their eye.

[jenna981]

I just called the hospital she was at and they said they transferred her to a mental facility. (They don't bother to tell her family where she is?) Then I called the number to where she was transferred and they said noone came in with her name. Then I had to call the other hospital again and they said they might not say if she was brought in there if it was in the last 24 hours. Then I called the place she was transferred again, and they gave me a payphone number for where she was supposed to be. They said if she was there and wanted to talk to me then I could do that. I've been calling that number and noone is answering. What a run around.

 

I tried asking if I could talk to the doctor working with her and they said I couldn't. I tried explaining I'm her daughter and besides my mother not be well as it is, all of this is probably stressing her out and making her more paranoid. They have to know she isn't making clear decisions on her own.

 

I mentioned to the person on the phone if she could leave a note for the people working with my mom because she broke her arm a couple of years ago and she can't move it up or back too freely in case they are using force on her (handcuffs or whatever) and the person said they can't say anything. Now I'm worried if my mom says they are hurting her or something they will just brush it off as her being crazy and overreacting.

 

From the research I've read online a good psychiatrist should be working with the family to help her get the best help. It would probably also help for me to talk to the doctor to explain how her behavior has been over the last few years. they are just going on what the police report has and how she is acting there (while she is even more stressed, scared, and paranoid)

 

She's been seeing a neurologist for seizures for about 30 years, and I spoke to her yesterday and she also said the psychiatrist should be working with me and keeping me up to date on her treatment.

 

It's really hurting me I don't know what's going on, I can't be there for her to make sure she is ok, I can't make sure they are giving her the best treatment...nothing.. Doesn't seem fair or right. I know some doctors are just in it for the money and don't really care for the patients, so not being able to talk to this dr. and them not keeping the family updated has me worried. :sad:

[Seraphim]

Try not looking at this from a negative point of view. I mean how happy is your mother in this state? She needs the help.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I feel you on this one. My mother is also incrediably mentally ill. You are much stronger then me though. Getting her this type of help. It is the best thing for her.

 

I know you want her to come home, but the doctors have to assess her completely and diagnose her and then get her medications under control before they can let her home. This way she will be less likely to lash out again, and also less likely to hurt herself in the future. Just remember she too will feel more at lease when this is over and she is medicated and can realise that not everyone is out to get her. It shows the doctors are doing a good job when they don't just let her straight out again.

 

However the fact that you as the family were not even informed of the place of your mother does worry me. But i believe it wouldn't be the doctors responsibility but moreso the admin, so i wouldn't say the doctors or nurses are being sloppy.

 

Also as stated by a few others if she has requested you and your father do not know about her residence, they may have to honour that. You may very well have to become her guardian. Keep trying to call, if no one answers i would call the hospital back, explain you just need to know that she is okay and being treated correctly.

 

You are an incrediably strong person to have looked after her on a day to day basis for so long, and even stronger to watch her be taken against her will, even if you were aware it was for the best.

 

I only hope i can achieve half yuour strength and do the same good deed by my mother. I truly hope you find out some more details about her soon, and i hope all things go well. Please feel free to PM me if you would like to talk to someone.