Virginity

[Sparkly Eyes]

It has been the case in my experience, which is quite a bit compared to most people my age on ENA, or so it seems. I'll gladly change my opinion if I ever find it to be otherwise.

 

Enthusiasm and openness certainly help, but takes time to develop skills. That's not to say that every experienced person is great in bed either, because I'm sure they're not. All I'm saying is that I believe there is a correlation there. Hearing about how an inexperienced person was better than an experienced one and the sample size was 2 doesn't really hold much weight for me.

 

Again, plenty of people don't care about skills, so what I'm saying probably means nothing. It's just something that I value and a reason why I would be turned off at the idea of sleeping with a virgin.

 

I never said there is no correlation and I agree that it takes time! However, I do believe that gaining sex skills is not that hard and you can easily gain them even with one partner if you really want to. You make it sound like it's something very complicated, in reality, it's really not when there is a good sexual chemistry between two people. I have been around this forum for quite a while and I hardly ever hear of something that I haven't done or is very noble.image removed

[dragon lady]

I never said there is no correlation and I agree that it takes time! However, I do believe that gaining sex skills is not that hard and you can easily gain them even with one partner if you really want to. You make it sound like it's something very complicated, in reality, it's really not when there is a good sexual chemistry between two people. I have been around this forum for quite a while and I hardly ever hear of something that I haven't done or is very noble.image removed

 

I do agree that length of time would be more important than number because if you have a 1000 one night stands, you're not really learning what makes a person tick. A couple or a few long term relationships would do it. The thing is, a virgin lacks both time and number.

 

I don't agree that it's "not that hard" and can be done in a relatively short amount of time. I only have to evaluate my own performance to see that. And it's not just about moves. It's also things like not asking "did you just cum?" when I make some noise, knowing what to do/what not to do when it's painful, not automatically assuming it's a butt fart when air comes rushing out of the vagina after a hard thrust. There are so many things like this that take time to figure out.

[Capricorn3]

I don't think it's a big deal or huge issue and agree with those who say that the first time is definitely very over rated.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I do agree that length of time would be more important than number because if you have a 1000 one night stands, you're not really learning what makes a person tick. A couple or a few long term relationships would do it. The thing is, a virgin lacks both time and number.

 

I don't agree that it's "not that hard" and can be done in a relatively short amount of time. I only have to evaluate my own performance to see that. And it's not just about moves. It's also things like not asking "did you just cum?" when I make some noise, knowing what to do/what not to do when it's painful, not automatically assuming it's a butt fart when air comes rushing out of the vagina after a hard thrust. There are so many things like this that take time to figure out.

 

Are you serious? those are very basic!

 

That being said, I wouldn't really like to be with a virgin either, but mainly because of other reasons. Fisrt experiences change things for some people, they might get the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrom. I want someone who knows how great I am due to his bad past experiences,lol.

[dragon lady]

Are you serious? those are very basic!

 

That being said, I wouldn't really like to be with a virgin either, but mainly because of other reasons. Fisrt experiences change things for some people, they might get the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrom. I want someone who knows how great I am due to his bad past experiences,lol.

 

Well, apparently not for some of the inexperienced dolts I've slept with. These were just a few things on an endless list I've compiled. I like to be able to get busy without having to play teacher or explain the most basic things about sex.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I never said there is no correlation and I agree that it takes time! However, I do believe that gaining sex skills is not that hard and you can easily gain them even with one partner if you really want to. You make it sound like it's something very complicated, in reality, it's really not when there is a good sexual chemistry between two people. I have been around this forum for quite a while and I hardly ever hear of something that I haven't done or is very noble.image removed

 

I totally agree with you. Sex is not rocket science...13 year olds are having sex...in fact, there are some 13 year old boys who even satisfy 30 year old school teachers in bed...and she dreams about the great sex she had with him while sitting in a jail cell...clearly much better sex than she had with her husband!! Moreover, all this 13 year old boy's classmates thought he was really "the man" and such a stud! So clearly sex is not medical school or brain surgery. It can be learned very very quickly so that 13 year old boys, within a matter of one or two times can be sexperts.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Are you serious? those are very basic!

 

That being said, I wouldn't really like to be with a virgin either, but mainly because of other reasons. Fisrt experiences change things for some people, they might get the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrom. I want someone who knows how great I am due to his bad past experiences,lol.

 

Another misconception. Scroll around this forum and in real life and see how many people who had prior relationships had grass is greener syndrome. Lots and lots and lots. Grass is greener syndrome has to do with personality and character, inner unhappiness and insecurity....all factors which have nothing to do with sexual experience because a great many men and women who have been around the block many many times still dump their partner for someone else. One can also argue that a person who puts a huge emphasis on sexual performance might not be one to stick around when the going gets tough and the other person's sexual performance is no longer stellar for a while due to stresses, illness, whatever. In other words, one can argue that someone who puts such a high premium on sexual performance may be the first person to find someone else if sex in the relationship takes a temporary downturn. There are so many men and women, especially in previous generations before sex became the be all and end all of a relationship and life, who only had sex with the person they ended up marrying and were so committed to the relationship that they never sought sexual gratification elsewhere...because they understood that a relationship is about love and connection.

[dragon lady]

I totally agree with you. Sex is not rocket science...13 year olds are having sex...in fact, there are some 13 year old boys who even satisfy 30 year old school teachers in bed...and she dreams about the great sex she had with him while sitting in a jail cell...clearly much better sex than she had with her husband!! Moreover, all this 13 year old boy's classmates thought he was really "the man" and such a stud! So clearly sex is not medical school or brain surgery. It can be learned very very quickly so that 13 year old boys, within a matter of one or two times can be sexperts.

 

It sounds to me like the inexperience turns these teachers on, rather than how well the 13 year olds perform. They DO like playing teacher after all.

 

They can have all the 13 year olds they want. They're just not for me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, apparently not for some of the inexperienced dolts I've slept with. These were just a few things on an endless list I've compiled. I like to be able to get busy without having to play teacher or explain the most basic things about sex.

 

Poor guy..being considered a dolt simply because of sex. I have often seen on this forum people get annoyed when they feel sexually liberal people are getting judged by sexually conservative people, and I always maintained that the judgements worked both ways..that sexually liberated people also are very judgemental of sexually conservative people.

[Red Fox]

Well there are a lot of opinions here and this is just another view.

 

I think virginity is really such a small issue. We were all virgins once and some of us still are.

 

To the OP I would say look long at hard at your reasons. Why do you feel you prefer a virgin? I know you said you can't imagine sleeping with someone who has already slept with someone already but why?

 

In case you are criticised by a non virgin partner? Do you think the criticism will be nasty and non-constructive? Why do you think a virgin cannot be nasty? Can you have a nasty virgin, nice virgin, nasty non virgin, or nice non virgin? See what I mean?

 

So you can learn together if you are both virgins? It doesn't matter too much I don't think, as you will learn together with any partner anyway (or at least I think you should!). Women are not identical and you can see from the forum replies that what some people like in bed is clearly not like what others like. Everyone is different and will have different likes and dislikes in bed. You will be learning whether you sleep with a virgin or a non virgin.

 

Is the idea that someone has been intimate with someone apart from you already not a nice thought? Why? If you care about that person and they care about you, then why should something in the past matter when it is really a tiny part of a relationship?

 

I have been on the Earth a reasonable while now, and I can tell you that the overall attributes and behaviour of a person are millions of times more important than whether or not they had sex or not, or if they did with who and how many times!

[UnknownSoldier]

There's been a few replies since my last post here, and I don't really see the need in replying to them all. But in summary, I appreciate the replies you've given.

 

I'm starting to understand the points-of-views against my, "issue", but I'm not completely sure.

 

Is the idea that someone has been intimate with someone apart from you already not a nice thought? Why? If you care about that person and they care about you, then why should something in the past matter when it is really a tiny part of a relationship?

 

This is probably the main reason, if not the only reason. Like I said, I don't truly instead myself why I feel this way.

 

I just find it difficult to imagine what happened between them. I know, it probably sounds silly.

 

 

 

To the poster who said something like it would be difficult to meet a virgin in their 20's-30's, this is probably true. If it is, then I better change my mindset quickly, though I imagine I'll be a virgin well into my late 30's at the rate I'm going. xD I only want to have sex within a stable relationship.

[im_the_undead]

at 17, fricken YES.

 

at an older at like 24 or something.. no, i wouldn't expect it.

older than 24 & still a virgin.. well, that'd be a little creepy.

 

when i was 16 & developed strong feeling for my boyfriend... then found out that he, being YOUNGER than me, had sex more than once....hurt! i resented the fact that he listened to his little head and not his big head.. more than once. I cared for him deeply but we obviously just didn't have the same frame of mind, soo yeah.. blah .

it's what ever now but i still remember the feeling of loss [idk why loss.. but i felt i lost something special]

if you're having doubts about having sex with a non-virgin and you're a virgin..... then that's pretty much going to stay in your head for a verrry long time... you'll prob. even remember it when your a grandpa or something lol

[Cognitive_Canine]

There's been a few replies since my last post here, and I don't really see the need in replying to them all. But in summary, I appreciate the replies you've given.

 

I'm starting to understand the points-of-views against my, "issue", but I'm not completely sure.

 

 

 

This is probably the main reason, if not the only reason. Like I said, I don't truly instead myself why I feel this way.

 

I just find it difficult to imagine what happened between them. I know, it probably sounds silly.

 

 

 

To the poster who said something like it would be difficult to meet a virgin in their 20's-30's, this is probably true. If it is, then I better change my mindset quickly, though I imagine I'll be a virgin well into my late 30's at the rate I'm going. xD I only want to have sex within a stable relationship.

 

 

Everything you are saying is fine. And, I get where you are coming from. But, it just seems like you might have jealousy issues?

 

Would it bother you to think about your girlfriend having dated other guys?

Do you think you'd be paranoid when your girlfriend makes friends with other guys?

 

Although it's not a big deal, it can become a big deal if you let insecurity and jealousy grow. You know what I'm saying?

[UnknownSoldier]

Would it bother you to think about your girlfriend having dated other guys?

 

Do you think you'd be paranoid when your girlfriend makes friends with other guys?

 

No, it would not bother me if she had dated other guys.

 

Sorta. It would entirely depend on how close they were to one another. I would not be the sort of person who would get extremely paranoid if she went for a day-out with some males friends, I know she has other males friends besides me. The problem is, it's so easy to cheat now-a-days it seems (and I know I should trust her, but it's always a possibility it will happen). That's what would keep me on-edge.

 

EDIT:

 

Yes, I do see what you're saying, and yes I suppose I could be jealous.

[Bartok]

older than 24 & still a virgin.. well, that'd be a little creepy.

Why would that be creepy?

[LightbulbSun]

Since I'm a virgin, I'd prefer my first time to be with a virgin. Although it's not a dealbreaker. I know that there are very few girls my age who are still virgins.

[im_the_undead]

Why would that be creepy?

 

why wouldn't it be creepy? unless youre a monk...

[Organs]

why wouldn't it be creepy? unless youre a monk...

 

You're coming off as pretty shallow and critical of other forumites who themselves are virgins in their 20s and older. And from their posts, they don't seem creepy at all. It's that society has programmed people like you into thinking that there's an acceptable deadline to lose your virginity, and if you don't do it by that point, there's something wrong with you.

 

Are you saying that it's not just what society dictates, but that there really is something wrong with someone for not getting laid by a certain age?

[UnknownSoldier]

why wouldn't it be creepy? unless youre a monk...

 

I don't understand your point of view, though perhaps that is because of my in-experience. I respect your opinion though.

 

There are several reasons why a 24 year old may still be a virgin. Perhaps the opportunity never presented itself? Perhaps he never found a decent girl to have sex with?

 

Being a shy male with very few female friends, I could end up being a 25+ year old virgin myself. Like I mentioned previously, I don't wish to have sex until I'm in a stable relationship. The fact that the girl may find it creepy is a bit off-putting.

 

 

I'm starting to get over my initial worry about dating a non-virgin (though it's still difficult to think about), so I appreciate all the replies in this thread. Thanks.

[Organs]

I don't understand your point of view, though perhaps that is because of my in-experience. I respect your opinion though.

 

There are several reasons why a 24 year old may still be a virgin. Perhaps the opportunity never presented itself? Perhaps he never found a decent girl to have sex with?

 

Being a shy male with very few female friends, I could end up being a 25+ year old virgin myself. Like I mentioned previously, I don't wish to have sex until I'm in a stable relationship. The fact that the girl may find it creepy is a bit off-putting.

 

 

I'm starting to get over my initial worry about dating a non-virgin (though it's still difficult to think about), so I appreciate all the replies in this thread. Thanks.

 

You're more generous than I'm willing to be, but that's not what I want to say right now.

 

Look at it this way. What if one person has had sex with four people and the other had sex with ten? Would one be better experienced than the other just because one would have six more partners?

 

That said, if your first had just a few more than none, then there's not that much of a disparity of experience.

 

You also have to consider that, once you get into college and beyond, age just becomes a number. While it might cause a scandal in high school for a junior to date a sophomore, people don't even bat an eye if a 22 year old dates a 29 year old.

 

So, maybe it isn't that you have to adapt to the idea of a virgin being with a non-virgin, but more that one human being is with another human being with whom he or she is in love.

[LightbulbSun]

why wouldn't it be creepy? unless youre a monk...

 

I'm sorry, but women like you give all women a bad name.

 

It's not creepy to be a virgin over 24 (or 30, or whatever age.) It just means you haven't had sex. Sex isn't life.

 

I could sit down right now and compose a song written exclusively about this experience, of reading this post, on this forum. Can everyone do that? No way. I'm sure some can, but they also can't boast about having over 20 albums worth of material either (unless they're professional musicians.)

 

There are some life experiences that some of us are blessed with, and some of us struggle with. Romantic relationships happens to be mine. That doesn't mean that I'm 'flawed,' any more than you are flawed for being on this forum and seeking relationship advice.

 

We all come here for the same thing.

[im_the_undead]

i haven't been keeping up on posts concerning such a matter, therefore i'm not being insensetive to those posters. if i offended anyone, which apparently i have because of the responds, i appologize.

 

i just posted my opinion, which i thought i had a right to.

my view of that matter used to be different, but because of a certain series of events i have changed my mind.. perhaps it'll change again, but not by being called shallow.

 

anyway, to be frank i just typed over "24 because" that's where my finger landed.. the point i was trying to make was that i wouldn't be freaked out if my partner wasn't a virgin around that age

[Capricorn3]

at an older at like 24 or something.. no, i wouldn't expect it.

older than 24 & still a virgin.. well, that'd be a little creepy.

I'm still trying to figure out why it's creepy to be a virgin at 24+

[change2010]

Yeah I'm confused why a virgin in their 20's is weird? You don't know why. Maybe they do have beliefs different from yours. Maybe it just never happened. Maybe they were too shy, not comfortable, whatever before?

[LightbulbSun]

I'm still trying to figure out why it's creepy to be a virgin at 24+

 

It's not. What is creepy, though, is assigning so much weight to sex. I thought it was supposed to be about love and an emotional connection?