Should I contact her or wait for her to contact me?

[Deejmonster]

If you need any background info on the situation you can look through my past threads....

 

Basically my ex of 2.5 years broke up with me in Early January. I didn't take it well and she ended up telling my best friend that I should just give her time and space for a while and that she would eventually sit down and talk to me about where we are and if/how we can fix things...

 

Fast forward a month... about 5 weeks ago was the last time I was in contact with her. I emailed her mom and her mom phoned me and we had a good convo...

 

Her mom stated that the door to reconciliation was not completely shut.. and that further nagging and confrontation would only result in a complete No to reconciliation. Her mom said the same thing as my ex.. Just give her space and time and take a good look at what went wrong... Said that she wasn't seeing anyone else and that she was just having fun with friends and spending time at work and with family...

 

 

Which brings me to my question...

 

Her mom, before ending the conversation told me that if I were to work hard in therapy and in 2-3 months call my ex that she would probably and most likely take me back.. and take a slow road to reconciliation. Good news right?!

 

 

SO.....

 

 

My ex told me that we need time apart... and said that give a month or two we could sit down and talk

 

Her mom said that we take time apart for 2-3 months... and I go back and she would probably take me back

 

 

So what do I do.. Do I make the call in 2 months or do I wait for her to make the move?

 

Im sitting here wondering if my ex is waiting for me to call... or if she just isn't ready yet.

 

What do I do?

[HouseKitten]

Have you started to work on the issues that split you up? I wouldn't do anything until you've at least gotten into that.

[shessofly]

i wouldn't put all my hope/confidence in what mom says.

 

have you been in therapy? did you get the impression that the ex would contact you? not from mom, but from your ex.

[fLuiD]

Give yourself more time of No Contact and working on yourself a bit. I would consider contacting her mom being a 'violation' of No Contact, but only because you got all sorts of info about her and what she has been up to. Its good to know that she hasn't jumped into anything new, but at the same time, this can create false hope for you. You might be better off not knowing anything about her for awhile.

 

If you need a specific timeframe, I would say 60 days of full No Contact (no contacting her mom) would be a good idea. You will go through hell and back during that time, but if you make it to the other side, I am sure you will feel a ton of pride for being able to do something so difficult. For right now, your goal should be No Contact and working on yourself. Everything else will fall into place. She will contact you if it is meant to happen.

[Deejmonster]

I have been in therapy since the break up. My ex is aware of this. I only contacted her mom once.... and that was before I went NC. I have been working through my issues... and I can see that the break up was inevitable without change. Idk whether to consider this a full blown breakup or a Tough love time out for me. I have been in NC for just over 5 weeks and I am planning to go a full 8 before even trying to talk to her. She hasn't said a word to me since our last fight after the break up... typical nag/beg stuff... but I stopped that crap. So its been 5 weeks of maturity on my end. I just don't know what to do... I know she still loves me and misses me ... because in our last conversation she told me that she still loved me and tried hard to not miss me... So Im confused as to what to do...