Should I send?? Ex & I in same city and want to reconcile-already NC for 2 months

[GTP]

So me and my ex were in a LDR. We seen each other ever other month for a week and were together for a year. We broke up right before she was suppose to move to go to school where I live and be with me. Well we are going to be in the same city here next Thursday as somehow we are both going to LA/SanDiego. We have been broken up for a few months (dec/Jan) and was NC for like 2 months but I would really like to see her while I'm there for a possible reconcile. I know once I get in front of her things will be good and good feeling with come back. Some bad stuff has happened between us from both sides and she says she doesn't feel any happiness talking to me anymore, that she doesn't think its a great idea that we see each other, and she will think about meeting up while we are there. I talked to her kind of about it a week ago but I feel if we are not talking at all before then it would be awkward meeting up and she would be less likely to meet up. This email is kind of a last ditch effort. Let me know what you think

 

"I feel like my words come out better on paper. I wish you only knew how often I think about you. How often you cross my mind. How much I doubt myself everyday because of what happened. I understand how you feel now and have realized many things since we've been apart. I just wish I could take back all of your bad memories. I wish I could make you as happy as the first day I met you and keep that smile on your face forever in my mind. I accept what has become of what we had together and accept that we are not each others worlds anymore. If I could ask you for anything it would be to not shut me out of your world completely. When we first met I fell in love with you for who you were as a person. I loved that about you. I don't want that to go away forever even if that means friendship. I care about you as a friend, as a person and hope that you will be able to feel ok soon. I'd give anything to just see you for a minute when I come to San Diego. I will completely understand though if it's to much or too soon. I don't expect anything but a hello and maybe some conversation. If you decide to say goodbye I'll walk away knowing that you are a great person, someone I will always cherish to have known, wish you the best in everything you do and hope someday down the road you'll be able to think of me and smile."

[MACaddict]

It's a great email, it made me tear up. I cheer for you to get to see her. Why is she there too?? Did you guys planed it that way or is it pure coincidence?? I think your email is more like an invitation for her to stay, especially the part when you say if she decides to say goodbye, again I assume. What do you have to lose by not sending it after all?? I guess she still knows you love her still. Let's hope she agrees to meet up.

[Speranza]

Why not? You have nothing to lose and it's a lovely message - just, this is NOT paving the way for a reconciliation. Perhaps other women would read it differently but I would DEFinitely read this as an invitation to put romance behind us and move on as friends.

 

Is that just me, ladies?

[GTP]

Well if she thinks I'm striving for anything other than friendship she will turn away I think because it is like I am pushing her into it after she is still hurt and has bad feelings about it but I know if I can get in front of her and have tons of fun and everything....it will all fall in place. I feel when your in an LDR and you need to reconcile its all about getting on front of the person. I know if I get in front of her everything will work out.

 

Do you think its a good idea even though I talked to her a week ago and she said she would think about it??

 

I still want her to know I am confident and everything and am hoping that this doesn't show a lack of confidence at all. How would you feel if you dumped a guy, had some really bad things happen (no infidelity of anything) and didn't really want to talk to him and said you would think about seeing each other but said it probably wouldn't happen. I just want to make sure that if the tables were turned that its not looking to needy or desperate.

 

Also, I am in LA visiting a friend and she is in San Diego visiting her brother. Just a coincidence. She didn't tell me she was going to be there. I heard it through a friend.

 

How would you go about it or change the letter?

[squirl]

I dunno, it's beautifully written but the problem is you do not seem to mean it. You said you want to reconcile. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

You hope that when she sees you, everything will change and she'll want to get back together.

 

If what you really want is to reconcile, I don't think it helps your cause to exaggerate the extent to which you would be happy with friendship and then plan a switcheroo.

 

What about just doing the old-fashioned gentlemanly thing and just call her? Then respect her decision. You can always write something like this later.

[Speranza]

It's a tough one - cos what you are really saying is that you are being manipulative and trying to get to her without her knowing (not blaming you!)

 

If you spoke the other week and she was very unreceptive, perhaps think hard about what you really want her to hear from you and how and when you say that. Perhaps you could even meet her and THEN send something... after you've gauged where she's at so you're less 'out there' emotionally..? I do know what you mean about seeing her in person but you are possibly setting yourself up to be hurt this way, what do other people think?

[squirl]

BTW, LA and San Diego are by no means the same city. It is over a two hours drive.

[GTP]

My thing is if I never see her either way it is sooo much easier to say, "I don't want to meet with you" I personally would rather see her and then discuss it. I'm sure it is soooo hard even remembering hanging out because the last few months all we have is bad memories. We've talked and she says all she can remember is the bad memories right now. I do want to reconcile but I just feel at this point if she thinks that is all I am after she will deny. My thoughts are I need to get her in front of me and re-attact her. Make her feel all of the reasons why she was with me in the first place. Maybe I am wrong, I'm not sure.

 

I can't call her because of some of the things that have happened. Her parents used to love me to death but now she says they don't want her talking to me which I think has a influence over her as well. I'm not sure the amount of truth behind that but that is what she says.

 

What would be a better way to get her to meet me than this letter?? I just feel that this letter would get her feeling kind of emotional since it is nice and kind of deep that she would be more receptive to it. If you have other ideas of better ways for her to sure fire meet me I would love and appreciate to hear them!! =) I am open to anything but know I have to get in front of her for her to remember all of those feelings and fun we used to have.

 

Well I fly into LA and then driving to San Diego to meet with some more friends.

[Speranza]

There are bad memories for a reason - perhaps the reality would be no better next time..? What would have changed? She sounds pretty negative tbh...

[GTP]

Yeah of course there are bad memories for a reason. Everyone goes through hard and bad times. Trust me it some of the things she did were worse than anything I could have done but I'm not about pointing fingers. I don't care about any of that anymore. She says the bad memories are still so fresh. If I can hang out and get in front of her I know I can re-create those good memories again.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah of course there are bad memories for a reason. Everyone goes through hard and bad times. Trust me it some of the things she did were worse than anything I could have done but I'm not about pointing fingers. I don't care about any of that anymore. She says the bad memories are still so fresh. If I can hang out and get in front of her I know I can re-create those good memories again.

 

I don't mean to cut you down, please don't take it that way. I just hear two things. She's not really wanting to see you (bad memories and all). You want to see her (to get 'in-front' and get her to reconcile). It seems a little manipulative and not respecting her wishes. I don't know ... that's just me.

[FrenchFries]

I don't know that you should be so certain that just getting in her presence would stir up old feelings. This is just from my perspective as a woman, but it sounds like she has checked out. As a woman who has checked out, an email like that would probably seem a little desperate, possibly even annoying (no offense). She does not really want to see you right now and I don't think the email will help your cause any. I don't know, maybe men are more easily swayed? When women check out, we check out - or at least that has been the case with me and my circle of girlfriends.

 

At the same time, if you feel you're at your last chance, I guess it won't hurt anything. But if she's already making excuses for not seeing you and including her parents in reasons for not getting back with you, it puts you in a pretty tough position. I'm sorry and I wish you luck. Like I said, you may have nothing to lose.

[GTP]

I do get what your saying. I do think men are more easily swayed as I broke up with her before because of a bunch of bad things happening.....told her not to contact me and went NC for 3 weeks when she came writing me and calling me telling me how sorry she was, howshe has never loved anyone as much as me, and I am the greatest guy she has ever met and probably will meet. I think that stuff works for men but not sure about women. I loved her and still wanted to be with her so I forgave and took her back. Her parents thought I was the greatest guy ever before and would tell her that often so I can't see how they wouldn't forgive me. I'm sooo set on trying to see her because if I don't see her next week I may not see her for over the next year.....kind of a long story about that. Also on jan 23 she was telling me that her older brother and I am the most important people in her life and they she loves me more than anything and thanks me for always being there for her.

 

I don't want to give up yet as its almost like a blessing we are in the same city at the same time. What are the odds. If the letts is not the best way or seeing her do you think maybe contacting her a few days before were suppose to be there a better idea? I just can't stand back and do nothing

[Ms Darcy]

I don't want to give up yet as its almost like a blessing we are in the same city at the same time. What are the odds. If the letts is not the best way or seeing her do you think maybe contacting her a few days before were suppose to be there a better idea? I just can't stand back and do nothing

 

I try not to read meaning into things like this. If I did, I would have been Mrs. Brad Pitt a long time ago.

[GTP]

I try not to read meaning into things like this. If I did, I would have been Mrs. Brad Pitt a long time ago.

 

Lol. I get what your saying but she is from a completely different country so the odds of it happening are slim. We are a 4-5hr flight.

 

Any other advice on whether tto send the letter.....edit and send the letter.....or a different approach to it???

 

Thanks for the opinions everyone!! =)

[shessofly]

at this point, i say do whatever you feel. it seems as though if she declines, you will have done all you can do. this way you don't feel like you missed out on your last chance. i don't think i'd send the letter/email though. just call her a few days prior, i guess. it truly does seem as though her mind is made up, however.

[GTP]

Well I was talking to my mom and a few other girls and they think I should use jealousy. Having a cute girl start writing on my fb wall. They all said when they have been in her situation and they found that their ex was kind of dating someone else and they still cared enough....they wanted to see them. It will me if she is really over it all and doesn't care.....and possibly put a little ppanic in her if she still cares.....if not....I know my answer! I wouldn't contact her at all and let her contact me

 

Is it a little manipulative?.....yeah kinda.....but do you think its worth a shot

 

What do you think? Better than a letter that will push her away?

[Ms Darcy]

Well I was talking to my mom and a few other girls and they think I should use jealousy. Having a cute girl start writing on my fb wall. They all said when they have been in her situation and they found that their ex was kind of dating someone else and they still cared enough....they wanted to see them. It will me if she is really over it all and doesn't care.....and possibly put a little ppanic in her if she still cares.....if not....I know my answer! I wouldn't contact her at all and let her contact me

 

Is it a little manipulative?.....yeah kinda.....but do you think its worth a shot

 

What do you think? Better than a letter that will push her away?

 

I think trying to use jealousy indicates an immaturity in not being able to speak directly to the person about your feelings. It also assumes that the other person will react the way you want them to. She might think you have moved on and close the book on you more fully.

 

Trust your gut and treat her like you would want to be treated.