Fiancee and Web Cam Sex

[SeattleAlan]

I am engaged to an absolutely wonderful woman - second time around for both of us. Recently she asked me to help her figure out why her home computer was so sluggish. I jokingly said "Is there anything on there you don't want me to see?" Her reply was " Of course not - You already know everything about me- I have no secrets from you." By prior arrangement, I took her computer home to work on it while she was travelling on business.

 

I went through methodically cleaning out the junk and remnant files, old software, etc. I found a series of files I didn't recognize and opened them to see whether they could be deleted. They were IM chat logs of hers from before we met. I couldn't help but see that they were very explicit sexual encounters and web cam sex.

 

We have a fabulous relationship with great sex.... But I had no idea that she had been into this. l knew that she had a difficult marriage prior to the sudden death of her spouse. These conversations happened for about a year before her husband died and ended when we met.

 

I'm now full of mixed emotions about this... I have no problem with the fact that she did this in the past but... Feeling guilty that I read some of her most private correspondence (I'm sure she didn't have a thought that it was still on there) I think part of my justification for reading it was to find out if it was still happening. I'm very happy that it is not happening now behind my back and feel that she has not lied to me. I can't get the thought out of my head that maybe our sex is now too "tame" for her. We are both adventurous and open-minded but also both very shy. Does she want more that she is bashful to suggest- as suggested by her list of likes and dislikes in the chat logs...

It was also a real turn-on to see that she was so sexual. But I feel almost jealous in some ways of the strangers with whom she shared more and did more on camera than we have shared.

 

I'm wondering whether to just delete and forget I ever saw it (yeah right...) or at least never bring it up.. Or do I find some way to raise it and tell her that I had deleted some files that I didn't think she would want her teenage kids to see - thereby working into a discussion about it.

 

What I would like to say to her about it:

- It's OK!

- Thank you for being so honest about ending other relationships when we met. Though I never asked for this, she made a point of saying this several times that she was getting rid of all connections to others she had met or dated. (this was proof that she really did cut all old ties - not that proof was needed)

- It is kind of intriguing knowing she has such a sexual side to her I had not seen.

- I want to find out if she wants more adventurous sex but is too shy to ask

 

But... I'm hesitant to raise it because:

I don't want her to feel that I violated her privacy

I don't want to damage our fabulous relationship

I don't want to make her uncomfortable

I don't want to raise anything that she may be very embarassed by or that she has tried to put in her past.

 

So, kind readers, Any thoughts insight or comments?

 

Thanks!

Alan

[alli]

Any chance that those chat logs were with her husband? Maybe when he was away on business or something? Oh wait, you said they ended when you guys met, presumably he had passed by then.

 

I doubt she is too bashful to bring it up to you. Obviously she's not too bashful about much!! Maybe she just thinks YOU aren't into that sort of thing, so that is why she never brought it up. Or, maybe she has changed since then & is no longer into things like that.

 

Honestly, if you really want a discussion about this, you could ask her (some other time, when you aren't talking about her computer) what the most sexually risque thing she has ever done. Start by telling her what your most risque thing was, then ask her if she's done anything like that. If she wants to tell you, she will. If she doesn't bring it up, obviously it is something that she wishes to keep private and I would drop the subject from there, without telling her what you found.

[annie24]

i wouldn't delete it. i would just leave everything alone. this was all before you. and besides, it's easy to be 'wild and adventurous' behind a computer screen. people say/do all sorts of things online that they might not do in real life. so, those might not be her real desires, but a 'character' she was playing. you can ask her sometime if there are other things she wants you to do. but i wouldn't bring up the chat logs.