Need some quick replies: Breaking up in an hour

[gravity]

Background story here-

 

 

I'm picking her up form work in about a half hour, then I'm ending it.

Is this a logical approach?

 

 

Basically I'm going with the "this isn't working for either of us" and "stop doing this to yourself" approach. Clearly she is unhappy with the situation/with me. I do still care about her, so i"m actually gonna suggest what I honestly think is best for both of us.

 

She hates our new city, and wants to move to Portland. She's only here because of me and my school, and since she seems to prefer this guy to me and he lives there I'm gonna suggest she just move out there now . . . without me.

 

I don't want either of us to live a lie . . .

 

Strangely enough I'm not mad about the situation, just disappointed in her ability to be mature and handle her side of things. I told her MANY times that if she ever wanted out to just be honest . . . I wouldn't be happy, but I would understand, and the worst thing she could do would be to cheat on me. As is I've just lost my respect for her.

 

What do you guys think?

[AutumnBorn]

Sounds great to me - very adult. I mean, after all you've found, how can she argue or make excuses?

 

Please, just remain calm no matter how she responds. What are you going to do if she freaks?

[AutumnBorn]

And you'd better post how it goes. The suspense is killing me already.

[Sanesoul]

You seem very mature about it all. I think it's a good approach.

 

Good luck.

[gravity]

lol, I don't know what I do if she flipps . . . I'm gonna try and stop her from drinking tonight until after we talk tho. also, my most prized possession is now moved into our bedroom. most other things I could stand to lose.

 

thanks for the quick reply AB, I really appreciate it.

[gravity]

And you'd better post how it goes. The suspense is killing me already.

 

Don't worry you guys will be the first to know, I've been dreading this all day . . .but have calmed down considerably since this morning.

 

I'm still not sure how i can to convincing her to go with that guy I keep wondering if I'm just being crazy. It's not at all how I would have expected to react.

[Distant]

There is only so much you can do once you end it. Once you end it, it is up to her on what she wants to do. Just be mature and straight to the point. Goodluck my friend.

[pumpkinmoon]

Just read your previous thread. Good luck and just get rid of her, esp. for texting her ex such things behind your back!

[gravity]

Thanks to everyone who helped me today, it's been a long one.

 

here goes nothing . . .

[troubleis]

good luck. don't beat around the bush....don't sugarcoat it...be calm and measured and know that you are NOT responsible if she does flip out.

 

i think you know that you're doing the right thing, and so i trust you have peace of mind about this. peace of mind is my primary barometer in deciding what is the best way to act/behave/respond.

[jennyy]

eeek!! How exciting! I'm so proud of you!

[annie24]

good luck. you deserve so much better than her!

[Distant]

I wonder how its going right now for him. Hopefully it goes smooth.

[whes]

I keep refreshing the page... nothing like a little suspense..

[KISSKISS]

i wonder why everyone is saying she is going to flip out? i have a feeling she is going to be like i wanted to end it too but just havent yet. i think if she is showing sings of cheating maybe she's really ready for it to be over. whatever though. i hope everything is going as best as it can for you. =]

[gravity]

It's done.

 

I told her I still love her but can no longer trust her because of what happened. I was calm, concise, and resolute in my stance. Just as clear as I had been from day one that this type of behavior would not be acceptable.

 

She was upset, apologizing. Made a few excuses, but mainly just cried and said they were just empty words and that she wanted me back. Said she'd learned her lesson and would be better if I just gave her another chance. I gave her those chances last week when I brought up how concerned I was about the situation, yet she persisted in continuing to contact him. She said she has no direction without me, and that she has always had self-destructive behaviors. She said she's not leaving and will continue to try to win me back.

 

She was very calm and mature about the situation, I was proud of her for that.

 

I really wanted to believe she would change if I took her back. but if i do that then . . . I don't even know how to finish that sentence right now.

 

she's sleeping in the den, I'm in our room . . . and it feels empty.

 

Not sure how tomorrow will be, basically things will continue as normal, just without us sleeping together. It's going to be hard. I'm already second-guessing myself.

 

must.stay.strong.

 

-gravity

[barrakuda]

I think you did the right thing in the right way in a very difficult situation and you should be very proud of that.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You did what you had to do so that you won't get walked all over by her. Be very careful because it sounds like she has manipulative tendencies which will make it that much harder to stick to the break up while you are still living together. She might try to seduce you at some point. She says she is self-destructive but that is HER problem to fix, not yours. Her tears are the crocodile tears of someone who has been caught and is trying to weasel out of it. Her apologies are the empty words because she had plenty of chances to do right by you and chose not to. Stay strong.

[annie24]

when's she going to move out? maybe you should give her mom a call, say you guys broke up. maybe mom will want to put her up in an apartment!

 

sounds like you handled the breakup well.

[AutumnBorn]

....must.stay.strong.

 

-gravity

 

 

If she has a history of self-destructive behavior, perhaps this is the wake-up call she needed. OK...she hit snooze at least once, but I'm hoping that she learns to control her impulses, for her sake.

 

Gravity, you are strong....but remember, you've got quite a pull. (hehe)