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Mini-update...Small, still cool


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Two weekends ago, Ex #2 and I had such a great time hanging out. While I had spent 6 months before trying to get him back, two weeks ago, in my heart, I just gave up. Did, said, acted however I wanted at the point. Even flat out ignored him for a while for pulling little boy stunts.

 

Now this past weekend, there was a break-through...

 

We were hanging out again, and he told me he had so much fun last weekend, but was skeptical...thinking that I was just on good behavior. Which is funny, cuz I was just flat out grinding into him about his past crud, getting all in his face. While I also was clear about all the crud that I pulled, we had a blast. And this weekend, he kept saying over and over that he loves me. He was also still upset about the whole Ex #1 incident. I called him a fool. Pretty much saying, we had been broken up for 5 months then, and I thought to choose a path of openness and forgiveness. I wanted the weight of the pain off my shoulders, and chose to forgive #1. And I'm in a great place now. I also shared that I was offered by #1, a home, marriage, everything, and still the only place I rather be was sitting on the couch with him hanging out. He then shared all these random instances where I'm brought up in conversations...didn't make much sense, but it was cute.

 

We both agreed that we f-ed up our prior relationship, and that both our sets of friends and family think we're idiots for breaking up.

 

While our contact has been light the past week or so, the dynamic has changed. From him trying to force a friendship and me sweating over the outcome to what seems like an actual possibility.

 

We're taking a trip together at the end of this month. And we're excited! Should be fun.

 

I guess what I'm getting at...be yourself...all the time. If the other doesn't like it, they stink. Ha! Looking forward to what unfolds.

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Hey, that's great news!

 

And also good advice about being yourself. I think that we often put up with stuff that we don't like from others, thinking that they give us no choice -- but there's always a choice. You can pull back and not interact with someone if you feel that things aren't good. Even if overall you hope to keep a connection to them, pretending to be okay with stuff that you're not okay with will only prolong an unhappy situation. I've been guilty of this many times, accepting a far-from-ideal situation in the "short term" thinking that it'll work out in the long run. Doesn't work! If you're being true to yourself you can at least avoid the anxiety of knowing that sooner or later you'll have to confront the mismatch between what you're accepting and what you actually need.

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Wonderful news, Tattoo! And you are dead right - amazing insight, especially in what must still be an emotional turmoil for you! I do not think one can find true happiness without being true to oneself. Sometimes, it is hard to see that, in the thick of things, or otherwise, easy to let go of it, when one is chasing after someone else.

 

I'm proud of you! Hang in there - and be well.

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I guess what I'm getting at...be yourself...all the time. If the other doesn't like it, they stink. Ha! Looking forward to what unfolds.

 

I like this. (wanted to do a thumbs up but couldn't find it)

 

Nice to read your story tattoo...I look forward to further updates

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Great news Tattoo! I'm happy for you!

 

Resentment and an unforgiving attitude is a burden we must bare every day should we choose to keep it. I am glad to hear you were able to forgive #1 and lift that pain off of your shoulders.

 

Best of luck and keep us updated

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Thanks everybody for your support!

 

I still have moments where I want to control the situation. Instead of putting in the hard work to repair, to regain trust and forgiveness, to rebuild with friendship, let things unfold...I think of taking the easy way out and walking away.

 

Sure with the easy way, your heart is never on the line, there is no guessing game, no moments to over-analyze, no redemption to be sought for...it's safe. & you're in control, even if it means blocking the person you want out of your life.

 

Ex #2 and I have been broken up since September. And up to this point, things wax and wane. We have break-through moments and break-downs, small gaps where I say enough and choose to not communicate with him, to shared sentiments of such love. Other people were added to the mix for a very short stint, and they trailed away. In-depth conversations of where we went wrong to now, what can be done.

 

I have thoughts of resistance from an old mindset that hasn't gotten me too far to drop him and think of him as dead-weight. Then, there's the enlightenment that maybe I have not been listening to him at all.

 

I think about things, then try to see them from his point of view. Sure the first six months were all about getting him back...it's really was still all about me, what I wanted. And how I can expect him to believe that I have worked on my own personal issues in such a short span of time? To not be skeptical. I would be. I think about the actions of being strung along by him now, and I think about the time that I kept him at arm's length when we were together.

 

His first wife...a disaster...she didn't want to work on the marriage. And, now me, six months spent on a desired result, then letting go.

 

We are in constant contact, spending at least once a week together. I still have moments of fear that I am soon to replaced. The ironic thing is, so does he.

 

I yearn for simplicity and stability, yet I am not simple, and have not been stable. I am...making strides to be consistent with him, and loving. To treat him like a friend, not a lover I divide myself from with a wall.

 

We're very much alike, so I have the privilege of seeing through him my own areas for improvement and the effects of my insecurities towards others. To recognize what I am resisting most is what I need to work on the most.

 

I do not know what will happen in the future, and I've finally have learned to accept that. That things will be okay. All I know do know is that he makes me want to be a better person, that I make him strive to be a better person.

 

I'm really looking forward to our trip. And interesting enough, his brother just asked me to go white water rafting in a few months with some family. I'm still trying to talk the ex into going. He's not too outdoorsy. Rafting is so much fun.

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