I Can't Love...

[Erickson]

I feel lately like I've lost the ability to love. I've had several failed relationships in the past, one of them abusive, and one of them was someone I cared for deeply. We're no longer together and barely speak anymore.

 

I met a girl recently, who is four years younger than me. She's very sexually inexperienced, and we hit it off right away. I taught her how to touch her body in ways to make it feel pleasure, and helped her to feel things she never did before. The thing is that she's moving towards wanting to have sex, and I don't want to do that. I enjoy it, but this girl is a virgin, and I don't want to be her first because I don't love her. I don't know why so many other people are so able to say, "Who cares?", sleep with someone, and never call them again. I know the attachment that comes with your first time, and I don't want her to love me because I don't love her.

 

I want to love her. I want to tell her that I can't live without her, but it would be a lie. I have attractions to women, and I do pursue them, but it seems like I'm unable to form any real feelings towards them anymore. I don't know whether my definition of love has changed, or if I've just gotten to the point where that part of me doesn't feel anymore.

 

I confided in one of my friends once and he responded, "Of course you can love! You're one of the most loving people that I've ever met. You're always there for anyone who needs it." Which is true, but he's confusing kindness for love. I may be a very kind person, but I can't feel love anymore.

 

Many of you may think that would turn me into an uncaring person, but in truth it doesn't. People see the way I act towards others and say that I give love to those around me. Then they're confused when I pull away. When people say that they love me, I don't believe it anymore, and it breaks my heart. I want more than anything to believe what they say, but my mind won't let me. I believe that they believe it, but I don't believe that it's true.

 

Am I crazy? Has anyone else ever experienced this? Am I going to feel this way forever?

[lilypadgirl]

I've experienced this after my last break up. I thought I lost the ability to love even though I was still able to be kind, nice, sweet, and helpful but I just felt numb in the heart.

 

How long has this lasted for you so far?

 

It lasted maybe one year for me. I thought I would never be able to trust someone again and to love again. I vowed to never let a guy hurt me that badly. Although to some degree I kept my promise to myself, I have been able to find love, healthy love. My next relationship helped me discover that. Although this one just ended, I feel stronger and more optimistic.

 

Just trust that if you find the right person, they can help you to love again.

[Erickson]

I felt it for my last girlfriend and we split up in February 2008. I think a lot of things both since then and before have snowballed inside of me.

[lilypadgirl]

Snowballed inside of you? What do you think is keeping you from feeling love? Is it a distrust or fear?

 

For me, it was just a general distrust in guys not being able to see my strengths and a distrust in myself for showing my strengths. So it was sort of a love burn out.

[Erickson]

I don't know what it is. I can't feel it, so in my world it doesn't exist. I can remember what it felt like in the past, but I can't bring myself to feel that way about another person. As much as I may care for a person. I can't feel it anymore.

[lilypadgirl]

I think that happens. Especially after a very involved relationship or a painful break up. I've been through it myself and seen it from other posters. So you're definitely not crazy.

 

I'm not sure what else to say, because I think this can take as short as the next relationship or as long as years. I think the cure is really just finding the right person. But that might not be the perfect bf or gf. It could also be someone that you're not meant to be with, but who comes into your life and teaches you something new about life that makes you feel refreshed.

 

Hug! Keep trying. Going through the motions is better than nothing at all. For me, it creeped up on me. If it didn't, it wouldn't have gotten past my barrier. Surprised me completely.

[Rotxsen]

I have the same feeling I made a few girls fall deeply in love with me but I reject them cause I can't love them and I end up hurting them I do feel however is fear I just need some time to conquer it maybe is fear mate we are all human in the end.