Ex called after a month and half of strict NC...

[ChrisC]

She called yesterday, I didn't answer it and she left no voicemail. I wasn't sure why she was calling and I knew talking to her would upset me even more, so I ignored it. I didn't plan on calling her back until I realized something today. She has been living in Hawaii for the past month or so. I had just heard today that because of the earthquake in Chile, there was supposed to be a tsunami in Hawaii. I never watch the news, so I really hadn't heard of this. She called me like an hour before it was supposed to hit. Maybe that's why she was calling? Also, my dad recently had surgery to remove his prostate cancer, it went well, and my ex knew about his cancer so maybe she was calling to find out how he was? I'm not sure. Do you think I should give her a call back or email her and tell her that I just saw something a tsunami hitting Hawaii and that I hope she is ok? Or do you think I should just assume she is ok and stay NC?? I really don't know what to do. I still care about her and I really hope the tsunami didn't hurt her in any way.

[uncomfynumb]

No.

 

Instead of looking for reasons to contact her and spending time and energy on that, look for reasons NOT to contact her.

 

Please post your reasons for not contacting her to give yourself clarity.

[Lastchallenge]

^^^^ ouch you are only half way evil... Ha ha ha ha

[uncomfynumb]

Ouch? Did I say something hurtful here?

[blitzkrieged]

the tsunami actually didnt hit hawaii if you look it up

[ChrisC]

Yeah I know, but I just feel like I want her to know that I still care about her and that I was concerned for her well-being.

[uncomfynumb]

Yeah I know, but I just feel like I want her to know that I still care about her and that I was concerned for her well-being.

 

Haven't you already told her that?

 

How many times does this girl need to reject you before you accept it?

 

I think her call was an attempt for her to regain control of you and to get attention from you.

[shessofly]

nope, don't call. she didn't even leave a message so whatever it was wasn't too important.

[ChrisC]

I don't think I'm gonna call her back...but maybe send her an email to see if she is alright?

[DazB]

You could text her just to say 'Hi, did you want me for something?' or something along them lines. Just keep it short and simple. Don't try to say too much and prepare for the dissapointment of no reply. Might help put your mind to rest.

[jimmajam]

You could text her just to say 'Hi, did you want me for something?' or something along them lines. Just keep it short and simple. Don't try to say too much and prepare for the dissapointment of no reply. Might help put your mind to rest.

 

It seems like you really want to contact her, so if you can't hold back I'd go with this one. Just a text to say "Hey, saw your missed call, did you need something?"

[fLuiD]

Don't break NC. You will regret it.If it is important, she will call you back again.

[ChrisC]

Well, I broke NC with an email and got an immediate response. The reason she called was because of the tsunami warning. She was scared and said that why she was calling? And she said she hoped me and my family were doing well. What the hell? Why would she call me because she was scared? We haven't spoken in two months and she chooses to call me when she was scared? When we were together, I was always the first person she called when she was scared about something. I guess she is still thinking of me in some capacity. Now I'm upset again. I really shouldn't have broken NC.

[jimmajam]

That is really strange she would call you of all people after so long. I have a feeling she'll be contacting you again. It makes no sense to me for her to contact you once because she was scared after all that time. Something is up even if it's just her wanting to be friends.

[ChrisC]

I don't know what to make of it and of course it has set me back already. Now I'm upset and overanalyzing the situation and why she called if she claims she wants me out of her life and hates me and will never forgive me. She could have called her mom or dad or brother if she was scared, instead she calls me.

[iBroken]

Ill save you the time from over analyzing.

 

You know when you break up with someone and you start to live your life without that person? Something happens and in the past, in the glory days, you would pick up the phone and call/text your ex to tell them. Or if you had a question, out of habit, you would ask them. When you were scared, they were there too.

 

This is all she is doing. You were able to provide comfort to her in the past and in her time of need, she turned to something familiar.

 

I would say the only thing it proves is that A)she remembers that you were there for her, and B) you are not forgotten.

 

Im not sure her actions spell anything else. Remember, actions always speak louder then words.

[ChrisC]

You may be right. But I know I wouldn't have done the same. I know I could always turn to her in my time of need, but now that we are broken up, I know that isn't the case. I just can't pick up the phone and call her when I need her. I am trying to move on and heal, and what good would that do? If she is trying to heal, why would she do it? This only hinders healing on both ends, in my opinion.

[brwneyedgrl333]

I agree with uncomfynumb....If she really has something to say to you, she'll say it.If it's important...she'll let you know.

 

Maintain NC.....unless you can afford to be set back, then go for it.

[AutumnBorn]

Haven't you already told her that?

 

How many times does this girl need to reject you before you accept it?

 

I think her call was an attempt for her to regain control of you and to get attention from you.

 

How many times? That's a great question. I'm going to ask myself that every time I feel the need to reach out to my ex.

[bish0p2004]

You may be right. But I know I wouldn't have done the same. I know I could always turn to her in my time of need, but now that we are broken up, I know that isn't the case. I just can't pick up the phone and call her when I need her. I am trying to move on and heal, and what good would that do? If she is trying to heal, why would she do it? This only hinders healing on both ends, in my opinion.

 

One thing that you have to take into consideration is that you know not to contact her because of the information you've received on here regarding NC. Most likely, she does not have this information so she still acts on impulse (she cares about you and you are a source of comfort).

 

Perhaps if you had never discovered this site, you might have text her or called her regarding an important event in your life at some point. It has happened before when a dumpee has contacted an ex because they got a new job or some other significant even happened to them. Then, they discover enotalone and NC and they learn that shouldn't do things like that while they are in NC.

[ChrisC]

I'm kind of angry that she called. I just don't know why she thinks she can do whatever she wants and thinks it is no big deal to call me out of the blue. I am trying to heal. She should be too. This has only set me back because I keep thinking about it and how she called me because she was scared, after TWO MONTHS of not speaking to each other. Why me? Why not anybody else? I was always a source of comfort for her and she needs to realize that I am no longer that. We aren't together, she is thousands of miles away in Hawaii. Why is she calling and looking to me to comfort her?

 

I'm angry because I see she is being selfish. She thinks its no big deal to call me when she needs something, but any time I wanted to talk to her in these past two months, it wasn't an option and she completely shut me out and ignored any text or email I sent her. Now she calls likes its no big deal. I am going to stick to NC and ignore any further attempts by her to contact me.