I hate sex!

[Pixiemeat]

This probably sounds odd to most (if not all) of you. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two and a half years and we both lost our virginity to each other. The thing is, it just doesn't feel good, and I don't think it ever has. This isn't a blip, it's a long term thing. It's not that it hurts or that I experience pain at all, but rather that I don't feel as if any part of me is being stimulated at all - I just feel like my genitals are taking a battering and that I'm being prodded from the inside. It's becoming very depressing because I've increasingly shied away from having sex because it just isn't enjoyable and he is becoming curious as to why this is the case. I really love him and want to be able to enjoy this special bond we have, but have no idea how to go about doing this Does anyone have any advice about positions/books whatever? I'll do anything.

 

Thanks

[Rage]

How about you on top so that you can be in control a bit more.......

[Hopingpraying]

Pixie,

 

This may sounds strange or gross to you, but do you ever experiment with your own body? This can help you understand what feels good and what doesn't. By doing this you can instruct your boyfriend better on what you like and don't like. Remember he is just as inexperienced as you are so it is good if you can help him out, and I don't know about him, but I enjoy it when my GF (or wife) tells me where she likes it or how to do it, it is just a turn on for me. So Experiment a little bit and that way you know for yourself what feels good.

 

As for your boyfriend, it sounds like he may have watched a few Porno's and that is his only experience with sex. Mostly in Porno's they just pound away while the girl makes sounds like she is having the time of her life.. But in my experience this is not the case. It just hurts most woman. This may be what your experiencing. I am not sure... But communication is the key. If you just withdrawl he will assume you do not like having sex with him...

 

Good luck!

[christiewest]

sometimes u just have to make sure u r completley relaxed and comfortable in order to enjoy it

i know for me sometimes when i feel insecure its not as good for me.

try turning the lights off or anything that can make you feel more at ease. dont be nervous because that ruins it too.

also, definitely try different positions sometimes from being on top, you can do different things to make it feel better for you too. but you really need to let him know how you feel, you dont want something that can really be fixed this easily to ruin a good relationship.

also, ask him if he can maybe try doing you manually or orally if you are comfortable with that...some girls need that instead of sex.

you also may just need to go longer than him? see if going twice in a row would maybe help?

[Derek]

Hoping&Praying is right.

 

Your BF is a bad lover and doesn't know how to please a real woman.

 

You and he could study up on it and if you guys are willing, experiment with new things for you. If he truly loves you, he should be willing to learn how to do right by you. A woman's sexual response is much different (involved) than a guys. (simple)

 

 

 

[CandleInTheWind]

It seems like 2 things are happening (or should I say not happening here).

 

#1) You're not having an orgasm (for many women- the act of sex alone does not accomplish this- there are other physical and mental aspects that have to come in to play...for some women the constant "in and out" of intercourse alone sometimes misses the the mark and just doesn't cut it. ...so that's why you're not enjoying it. Having an orgasm also makes your body more lubricated and the senation of intercourse is much more enjoyable that way.

 

#2) You've lost your connection/chemistry physically with your boyfriend. The 2 of you need to communicate and experiment to discover more about yourselves sexually. You were both virgins when you met, so there's a lot to be learned. You can learn together. ...but this requires communication and you might have to work at it, especially if either or both of you are embarrassed about the topic. But learning together will bring you closer together.

 

 

Your boyfriend must sense that you're not getting anything out of it, and it must make him feel uncomfortable also. I wouldn't go so far to say that he's a "bad lover" (he just lacks experience)....but sexual fulfillment should not be the sole responsibility of only one partner. You both need to work together on this.

 

Good luck!

[lllcrylll]

Pixie, you are NOT alone...so many people feel the way you do (as I am just learning from searching the web). I would suggest study and read what you can because I know there have to be answers out there somewhere.

I came here looking for them myself. People who dont experience not enjoying or hating sex cannot understand. I think its more of a psycological thing, perhaps the way we learned about sex or the high expectations we had and then being disappointed because its not what we thought it was going to be. It is the worst most confusing feeling to love someone but dread having sex with them.

I dont know your relationship but with me, my husband did a lot of things that made me resent him and I started using sex as a weapon, like why should I give you everything when you do nothing but take? Two weeks ago he was bugging me for sex (it had been three weeks) and I asked him, "Can you think of one single thing that you have done for me in the last 2 months, that did not benifit you as well, just one nice thing youve done just to be nice?" He could not think of one thing. So I named off the top of my head about 20 things I had done for him and said "what is it that you dont get? I need to feel appreciated otherwise I just think of all the reason WHY I dont want to give you sex" Two days later he called and said "dont make dinner tonight" He bought me flowers & took me to a nice resteraunt and just kept pushing wine down my throat and in my head all I kept thinking is "the ONLY reason youre doing this is so that when we get home, I will have sex with you" Which made me resent him even more, but I gave in and did it anyway and while he spent the night sleeping I stayed up and cried, realizing that I put him in a paradox situation, he cant win. I try to blame not wanting sex ON HIM, but the reality is that I never enjoyed sex with anyone and since he has screwed up so many times, I can just blame him justly. That is just one more thing I want to blame on him, but its really not all his fault....its something in ME. I should not look at sex, like its something I give him, it should be someting we give eachother...but how do you change your minds thinking?

Like I said, I dont know your situation, but I am 36 years old, and you are very young (at least thats what I understood by your post)

Dont be like me and let it go hoping it will get better, search the web, read books, but try to find out whats wrong. I see posts about different positions and trying new things, but youve probably heard all that before, just like I did.

I just TODAY started to look for answers, and I really want to have a go as to finding out whats wrong. I hope you and I can share information with eachother and maybe be able to get others involved in searching.

My husband just called (just before I got on the internet) and said not to make dinner....im going crazy with dread! Its not so much the sex itself, but the whole act I have to put on to make it be over FAST...and the empty feeling I have when its over...and the hangover I will have tomorrow because i know I want to get piss drunk to even make it bearable. AND to top it off, my husband thinks its such a great thing that he is well endowed, but IT HURTS after 5 years with him, it still hurts and sometimes I bleed. In the end I almost feel abused. I have never said anything because I always feel like I seem whiney and that there must be something wrong with me, but damn, I would love to know that there is something that can fix either the way I think about it, or the way it feels. But I know I cant be the only one.

I would love to read anything you find out about and will share anything that I find.

I hope your problem is not as severe as mine, and if it is, you are young, so hopefully you will learn enough to NOT end up like me when youre 36.

We have different situations, but I honestly think I know how you feel....and if I am way off bsae, forgive me for assuming...but if by chance you were headed in my same direction, I couldnt keep my mouth shut.

I think its great that you are looking for answers!! Its took me sooo long to even start looking. Dont give up, and dont take it lightly, if this hurts you. It is a serious problem that can have devistating affects on you and your relationship. Im here for you if you ever need to vent or share info.

Love,

Sky