Racial profiling in online dating

[abitbroken]

Why is someone a racist if they choose to not date one particular race? What if some women are just simple not attracted to Asian guys? Does that makes them racist? In my opinion NO.

 

heck, I had a crush on two guys in high school. One of them was asian. He never gave me the time of day. At least not in that way. So its not that all women are not attracted to asian men. It does happen. (i am a white woman, btw). Btw, my preference was for someone born here or who came over when they were very young. most of the asian guys i knew emigrated and while that's okay I didn't have much in common with them. The guy I was attracted to had parents who came form overseas but was born here so was like any other kid in class.

 

People naturally gravitate towards being attracted to others of their ethnic group, culture, or if you want to call it race. Some of it just has to do with familiarity or finding someone similar to them or even just proximity because there is more of their ethnic group around them - a numbers game so to speak. It is not "racist" in that regard. its about opportunity, proximity, and familiarity. At least in my life. I have met far more white guys than asian guys - that is for sure. So just by the numbers, the chance of meeting an asian guy is just lower overall

[newwave]

I've dated men of all different races. However, I probably wouldn't marry a man who was black or Asian. Not because I am a racist, but because I just prefer white (usually darker skinned white guys) or Hispanic men. My major problem with Asian men is most are shorter than me, and while I'm not bothered by not tall men, I am 5'7 and would feel funny dating a guy considerably shorter. The main problem I'm finding with dating black men is that many of them are thugs. I know many professional black guys I'd date, but these guys get taken right away. On the online sites the ghetto looking guys (black, white etc) seem to contact me and I have no interest in these guys. Incidentally, I don't date certain types of white men either, such as fat guys or other looks like redneck looking.

 

It's all preference. The guy I currently like is Italian and looks it. I also know that if I marry him, we'll have less problems than my brother and sister in law (who's black).

[Smythe]

Easy on the thread starter lol...

 

Look, obviously people have preferences. But if 93% of WW online don't like Asian men, there's something wrong. Is it the man? Is it because of the racial stereotypes played out in the media? Is it because other races have been getting more positive attention?

 

It ain't wrong to the WW who agree or the WM or the Latino, or Italian, or African American. But it does affect the 93% of Asians that get turned down because of their race.

[Fudgie]

I don't think having a racial preference necessarily makes you racist.

 

I dated outside of my race once. I found it to be rather awkward not because of how he looked, but because of cultural differences. We ate different foods, had different senses of humor, and had different ideas of what we found offensive. It was really tiring after a while. I was walking on eggshells. Not fun.

 

I guess I'm just not cut out for interracial relationships. Does that make me a racist? No. I respect everyone, but I think that dating people outside your race can bring new challenges. If you're up for them, then go for it. But I don't think I am.

[newwave]

I don't think having a racial preference necessarily makes you racist.

 

I dated outside of my race once. I found it to be rather awkward not because of how he looked, but because of cultural differences. We ate different foods, had different senses of humor, and had different ideas of what we found offensive. It was really tiring after a while. I was walking on eggshells. Not fun.

 

I guess I'm just not cut out for interracial relationships. Does that make me a racist? No. I respect everyone, but I think that dating people outside your race can bring new challenges. If you're up for them, then go for it. But I don't think I am.

 

That doesn't make you racist at all. On another message board I was called racist because I don't date guys who look like rappers or thugs. Not all black men look like that, but many do and I don't find it appealing. I also don't date black men who are "baby daddies" and I was accused of being racist because of this too (I am opposed to single parents).

[Smythe]

I don't think having a racial preference necessarily makes you racist.

 

I dated outside of my race once. I found it to be rather awkward not because of how he looked, but because of cultural differences. We ate different foods, had different senses of humor, and had different ideas of what we found offensive. It was really tiring after a while. I was walking on eggshells. Not fun.

 

I guess I'm just not cut out for interracial relationships. Does that make me a racist? No. I respect everyone, but I think that dating people outside your race can bring new challenges. If you're up for them, then go for it. But I don't think I am.

 

I don't think you ought to stereotype Asians.

 

Not every Asian Man will be different culturally to you. Remember, many are 1st or 2nd generation in the US that have already blended in with the "US Culture." They are American too

[Smythe]

That doesn't make you racist at all. On another message board I was called racist because I don't date guys who look like rappers or thugs. Not all black men look like that, but many do and I don't find it appealing. I also don't date black men who are "baby daddies" and I was accused of being racist because of this too (I am opposed to single parents).

 

I don't know about Fudgie, but you are open to date outside your race. Your standard is not based on race, it's colorless. You don't date thugs or baby daddies...they come in all races.

[newwave]

I don't know about Fudgie, but you are open to date outside your race. Your standard is not based on race, it's colorless. You don't date thugs or baby daddies...they come in all races.

 

You're right, they do come in all races. The only thing is where I live (Chicago area) there are probably more black thugs/baby daddy than whites, but that's because of the area.

[G-Snap]

Every Saturday I get my news from Times magazine, today is no different.

 

I came accross an article

 

link removed

 

that said "Asian males were excluded by 93% of white women with racial preferences in the Yahoo! profiles that U.C. Irvine analyzed."

 

being that about 90% of the population in the US is "white", does that mean I have to work harder to get dates now?

 

Behind computer screens and goofy usernames, people can clearly say things about race that few would say aloud in public

 

this is pretty discouraging

 

PS: there was a link to the article, i guess enotalone wouldn't allow linking. if you interested the article is called "My race based valentine" from times magazine.

 

I assume you mean that on online sites women are discluding asians from their search?

 

How is that racial profiling? That is racial preference in the arena of dating.

 

Like someone said, its no different than real life, the difference is it is a mental screening vs one checked off a box on a website.

[Smythe]

I assume you mean that on online sites women are discluding asians from their search?

 

How is that racial profiling? That is racial preference in the arena of dating.

 

Like someone said, its no different than real life, the difference is it is a mental screening vs one checked off a box on a website.

 

lol, if you are ok with that, then that's your preference. It's your choice. Base your preference on a persons race rather than the quality person that he or she is....well, actually you wouldn't get that far to even know.

[newwave]

lol, if you are ok with that, then that's your preference. It's your choice. Base your preference on a persons race rather than the quality person that he or she is....well, actually you wouldn't get that far to even know.

 

Yes, but that only goes so far. What I don't mention in my post is I would likely eliminate Middle Eastern or Indian (from India) from consideration from the get go. Many reasons, but among them is their cultures. Even if they were born here, it's possible they still have certain views. Plus if they are a different religion (not all Middle Eastern people are Muslim, many in America are Christian) that could hurt. Does that make me a racist? Sorry, I don't want to date Indian or Middle Eastern men.

 

Expanding on that, I do discriminate on many religions too. I wouldn't likely date a Jehovah's Witness, a Mormon, a Southern Baptist or many other religions. Why? Because in many cases I'd be expected to convert and I'm not doing that. Plus it's a problem if I was to have kids. I did date a Suthern Baptist and though we are friends (he recently married) the religion aspect was the main reason we broke up.

[G-Snap]

lol, if you are ok with that, then that's your preference. It's your choice. Base your preference on a persons race rather than the quality person that he or she is....well, actually you wouldn't get that far to even know.

 

There isn't a soul on earth who dates someone they dont find attrative, and if a person doesn't find asian men attractive they cant force it, nor should they HAVE to.

 

You wouldn't date a fat girl if you were adverse to overweight women. and that would be your choice.

 

Its only a bad thing if said person also bad mouths the people with attributes they dont find attractive. But they can date anyone they want and we can't control what we find attractive.

[Fudgie]

I don't think you ought to stereotype Asians.

 

Not every Asian Man will be different culturally to you. Remember, many are 1st or 2nd generation in the US that have already blended in with the "US Culture." They are American too

 

When I did date outside my race, it was with an Asian man. His family had been here for many, many generations and there were still huge cultural differences. I mean, we're both American of course, but I think it has to do more with differences in how we're raised.

 

That being said, if I seemed to jive well with a guy and we matched culturally without issues, then why not?

 

I don't know about Fudgie, but you are open to date outside your race. Your standard is not based on race, it's colorless. You don't date thugs or baby daddies...they come in all races.

 

At this point, I don't know. My past experience has made me a little wary.

 

newwave, I don't think you are being racist at all. I wouldn't date guys of ANY race who look like (as in looks or how they portray themselves) baby daddies or thugs...or even deadbeats. If anyone says you're racist, then they are just mad that they can't reach those standards.

[Smythe]

Don't apologize to me. If 93% White men didn't want you from the get go due to stereotypes....that's your problem right?

 

Why not draw the line on cultural and religious differences rather than the fact that they are Middle Eastern or Asian, or Black?

[Smythe]

There isn't a soul on earth who dates someone they dont find attrative, and if a person doesn't find asian men attractive they cant force it, nor should they HAVE to.

 

You wouldn't date a fat girl if you were adverse to overweight women. and that would be your choice.

 

Its only a bad thing if said person also bad mouths the people with attributes they dont find attractive. But they can date anyone they want and we can't control what we find attractive.

 

I agree that people date people who they find attractive. I find it sad that people base it out of the color of someone's skin or on stereotypes rather than the other attributes...

 

No one is trying to control anyone who they date. The choice is yours. I'm just saying that it's 2010

[Smythe]

When I did date outside my race, it was with an Asian man. His family had been here for many, many generations and there were still huge cultural differences. I mean, we're both American of course, but I think it has to do more with differences in how we're raised.

 

That being said, if I seemed to jive well with a guy and we matched culturally without issues, then why not?

 

 

 

At this point, I don't know. My past experience has made me a little wary.

 

newwave, I don't think you are being racist at all. I wouldn't date guys of ANY race who look like (as in looks or how they portray themselves) baby daddies or thugs...or even deadbeats. If anyone says you're racist, then they are just mad that they can't reach those standards.

 

You got to the point of dating a guy outside your race. Was it a gradual experience...you got to know the guy slowly, then start dating? He's one of over a million Asian males in America lol

 

I have a friend that is 1st generation Asian. He has a nephew that is 2nd. I don't see major cultural differences with those guys than with White Americans...especially with his nephew who is growing up in a predominantly White suburb.

[Fudgie]

Uhm, we were friends for a few months and then started dating fairly quickly...culturally we just didn't mesh. I never knew any of the foods he ate and we just had very different views of things, mostly because of how we were raised. He was very Catholic (he was Filipino) and couldn't understand why I wasn't religious.

 

Eh, it wasn't his fault really. I guess I'm just weird.

[Smythe]

Uhm, we were friends for a few months and then started dating fairly quickly...culturally we just didn't mesh. I never knew any of the foods he ate and we just had very different views of things, mostly because of how we were raised. He was very Catholic (he was Filipino) and couldn't understand why I wasn't religious.

 

Eh, it wasn't his fault really. I guess I'm just weird.

 

 

I think if you travel out to California, you'll meet Filipinos like my friend that I mentioned earlier. My buddy grew up Catholic but he's non-denominational. I don't know about his teenage nephew. I had steak and potatoes with him the last time I had lunch at his house.

 

You aren't weird I just don't think you should limit yourself based on that one experience.

[newwave]

newwave, I don't think you are being racist at all. I wouldn't date guys of ANY race who look like (as in looks or how they portray themselves) baby daddies or thugs...or even deadbeats. If anyone says you're racist, then they are just mad that they can't reach those standards.

 

Yeah, I've had the racist card thrown at me because of it. It just happens that most of the thugs around here that look like that are black, but low class knows no race.

 

Don't apologize to me. If 93% White men didn't want you from the get go due to stereotypes....that's your problem right?

 

Why not draw the line on cultural and religious differences rather than the fact that they are Middle Eastern or Asian, or Black?

 

I didn't say I wouldn't date black or Asian men, in fact I have. However, when it comes to black guys I would only consider the professional black guys, and most of them are married. As for Asian guys, it would also depend. Many Asian men are sexist, and short, so that eliminates them. As for Middle Eastern or Indian men, I guess I might consider them as long as they aren't Muslim or had sexist attitude. While I was thinking that, there is one actor of Middle Eastern descent who's attractive, Tony Shaloub who was on Monk (and he's Christian). My brother had an Indian friend who was hot. So there you go.

[Fudgie]

I think if you travel out to California, you'll meet Filipinos like my friend that I mentioned earlier. My buddy grew up Catholic but he's non-denominational. I don't know about his teenage nephew. I had steak and potatoes with him the last time I had lunch at his house.

 

You aren't weird I just don't think you should limit yourself based on that one experience.

 

Yeah I guess you're right...

 

As I said, if I find a guy (any race) who jives well with my personality and likes/dislikes and isn't TOO religious and can respect me (as I respect him) then maybe I'd give him a chance.

 

I'm already with a guy now though so no more looking, haha.

[teabee]

There isn't a soul on earth who dates someone they dont find attrative, and if a person doesn't find asian men attractive they cant force it, nor should they HAVE to.

 

You wouldn't date a fat girl if you were adverse to overweight women. and that would be your choice.

 

Its only a bad thing if said person also bad mouths the people with attributes they dont find attractive. But they can date anyone they want and we can't control what we find attractive.

 

But is it racism that makes a person find another race undateable? I personally think it is (and someone's going to jump down my throat for that). The fact that people have preferences is not the problem, but perhaps there's something influencing the preference.

 

I find it severely disappointing when people in 2010 declare they don't find certain races attractive. There's probably nothing you can do about it--if that's your preference, that's your preference--but it just shows how far we are from a colour-blind world. I don't think it can be chalked up to a matter of normal personal preference either. When someone says "I DON'T date members of THIS race," that is something else to me. With other preferences, no one says, for example: "I don't date women with brown hair. They are not attractive to me." Women with brown hair would be like, * * * does my hair have to do with anything! You have never been attracted to ONE woman with brown hair?! It is just a ludicrous statement to make. Yet for some reason there are people that don't bat an eye when a person declares the same about a certain racial group.

 

It IS that person's preference, and preferences are ok, but that doesn't mean it's not racist. (Racism can be subtle and unconscious. It doesn't have to mean overt rock-throwing and name-calling racism.)

[newwave]

Actually, I've known guys who didn't date brunettes. I once liked a guy and he told me he didn't date brunettes.

[G-Snap]

I find it utterly ridiculous to call someone a racist because they do not find certain attributes attractive - be it skin color, hair color, facial features, etc.

 

that is total hogwash.

 

It's racist when a person refuses to be friends with or associate with the people they don't find attractive due to those attributes. They can have sex with and date whomever they please, and it is NOT racist.

 

I am white, if i found a person of any other race attractive I would date them, but there is a certain preference I have always found most attractive so as such, I never have. I wouldn't rule it out, it just never happened that way. I have a guy friend who is black, sweetest guy EVER and he is NOT racist, but his preference is to only date inside his race. HE IS NOT racist. That is total crap! And neither am I simply because I've never dated a black or an asian.

 

Why do you care who is dating who (to those calling it racist)? If someone doesnt like a race then yea, that is racist. But not because they won't date one. I guess I should start dating very heavy men then, despite not being attracted to them, just so no one tells me I am prejudice against large people? Give me a break. I have nothing personal against heavy men, but it is not my preference as far as attraction, thus I do not date them.

 

And for the record, if a guy didn't want to date me over my hair color as it wasn't his preference, SO WHAT? He can date who he wants, I wouldnt force myself on him. I am way more offended at being called a racist for my dating preferences then I am regarding a man who didn't want to date me because of something like my hair or eye color, or any other physical attribute. There are other men out there where he came from. I don't have to date him.

[newwave]

While we've come far in race relations, it's still not far enough. I mention this because people are calling other racists because they don't generally date guys outside their race. I have a brother and he married an African American. Though she comes from a middle class background (she grew up near us) and is educated (graduated from Northwestern) they still had problems. I accepted my brother and sister in law's marriage and have no problems with other races. If they have problems, then yes inter racial dating is still difficult. Several relatives disowned my brother for marrying her and Because of this I hope I don't fall in love with an African American. The one I currently like (who may or may not become serious, I pray we do when we are ready) is Italian. I am a mix of various European and possibly some Native American, Hispanic blood. Not only that but we are both Catholics. We'll have an easier time with everything than my brother and sister in law. They have a daughter and she's biracial but the race issue will be over her forever. Any children I would have with the guy I like would be "white" (though strangely, he doesn't consider himself white but that's another story).

[Smythe]

No one is trying to make anyone date other races here. You date who you want to date. But if you only date certain races and not others because of their race...is that right? Apparently some people in this day and age believe it is...that's up them. Did we just take 2 steps back in this country? Ask yourself that question.

 

Some here have had negative experiences dating outside their race...was it really the different race? Or was it about having differences in religion or culture? Today with many Asians that are 1st or 2nd generation Americans...can you assume they match the stereotypes that have been seen in movies from 1940 through the 1970s? The 1st and 2nd generation Asian-Americans that I know are pretty much like my Italian-American and German-American friends. They are American. Some are fat, some are tall, some are short, some are extroverts, some are introverts, some are Catholic, some are Protestant, some eat hamburgers for lunch and some prefer sushi, some are attractive, and some are not so.

 

Date who you want to date. But think about what you do when you decide that "I'm not going to date a certain race." IMO, it's a cop out to not embrace the individual because of the color of ones skin.