If someone doesn't want to be with you, why do you want to be with him/her?

[BriarRose]

Stems from abandonment issues in childhood. Nurturing parents, IMO, do not raise co-dependent children lacking in self-worth who chase people who don't want them.

 

I firmly believe had I been raised in a more loving home, I would be a stronger, more confident woman and would probably not have such "issues" with men and chased men who took me for granted or didn't want me.

[SmilingKatty]

Such an interesting thread...

 

I think, that in my case it is something like: If I knew, what I knew today, and behaved, how I behave today, the breakup wouldn´t have happened...

- I really believe, that I recently changed a lot...

 

And than there is this feeling of futility... I really hate, when I cannot influence the situation I am in...

[bwhite00]

I agree completely but I think a lot of it has to do with wanting what you once had and can no longer have and hoping someone will change their mind. When I used NC it was to not seem so needy and/or get into mindless arguments. And I did with the hopes of working things out.

 

I got rejected for two months ( due to breaking NC ) and finally the last month we've been dating.

 

Sadly this story doesn't have a happy ending because of a lack of commitment on her part BUT now I know what to do: NC for good - this time with closure - with the only intent being to move on in my life and not reconcile anything with her; now or ever. Live and learn!

[bwhite00]

And Katty, I can sympathize because when I was with my ex this past month I showed through my actions that I was willing to change my old behavior. Sadly if people don't change their old (and in my case, unattractive new behaviors) things still came to a dead halt.

[marshmlofluff]

I see people saying they want to use NC to manipulate a situation so someone will come back.

 

...but why would you want someone who wants nothing to do with you?

 

For the same reason you might want to go to Stanford even though Stanford rejected you.

 

In love as in life, someone/something can meet your needs without you meeting theirs.

[Brad2723]

I see it a little bit differently. When my ex broke up with me, he told me that if I wanted to hear that he was not in love with me, then he was not in love with me. I know he threw that out there to be hurtful in the heat of the moment. That is all it took for me though. I packed a bag and left. A lot has transpired between then and now (a month later) and we are in NC.

 

I do not want the relationship that I had with him, I want a new relationship with the guy I fell in love with. It was a whirlwind romance, and one that may have moved too fast. I know that we were in an unhealthy relationship, and I can only think that if there was to ever be a future for him and I, that he would need to change just as much as I do.

[SmilingKatty]

NC for good - this time with closure - with the only intent being to move on in my life and not reconcile anything with her; now or ever. Live and learn!

OH, I hope, that my future reconciliation will end up the same way... I think, that my problem is caused also by the fact, that we didn´t have any closure and the unsuccesfull reconciliation will hopefully give me that...

[SmilingKatty]

I do not want the relationship that I had with him, I want a new relationship with the guy I fell in love with. It was a whirlwind romance, and one that may have moved too fast. I know that we were in an unhealthy relationship, and I can only think that if there was to ever be a future for him and I, that he would need to change just as much as I do.

It seems exactly like my thoughts on the matter

But I must admit, I am still not strong enough to say no, if he would come back without working on himself and I would regret it only after another breakup

[Julo]

This has to be one of the best thread's I have read. I know I might be coming on like a sap. And by what reading what others have posted i.e. hanging on to that person hopefully they come around.

 

Well in my situation my ex broke it off the first time and I convinced her to stay with me. Grant it, it worked for a good whole 2 weeks, before she started acting funky again. At which point I knew I had to walk away, even though IMO this was the woman of my dreams. My family loved her her family loved me and our parents got along so well. We rarely got in to arguments and everything was going well until she the idea that she was not happy with me got in to her head, and like I stated I had to walk away. Who knows maybe she comes to her senses with me but I doubt that. I have not contacted her and tried several activities to get her off my system.

 

She asked to be friends only and I told her no, I could not deal with that. These forums are very helpful reading on other peoples experiences. So if someone that does not appreciate you in any way is not worthy of having you.

 

I've done everything you can imagine for her from sending flowers to her at work, having lunch wine at the beach at night and I guess it was not good enough. I am sure someone out there will appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer and will love unconditionally.

[Mark33]

 

If you've been dumped, you don't want someone who wants nothing to do with you. You want the other version of the someone who left you, the one who loved you to the moon and back and wanted nothing more than to be with you, and you're hoping that the person who left you, whom you don't recognize, turns back into that person you know and love.

 

 

This is so beautifully written and totally true

[beautifulangel]

Hey... Same here with regards to missing my ex and her family. She had a lovely 10 year old whom I loved no end. Her mom was very fond of me and we were good friends... her dad too was nice and respectful towards me. I loved them all and had got emotionally attached to me. But my girl too broke off with me, though she is not young as yours, she turned 33 this year... but she still wanted to go out and o her 'girlie' things. The girlie things later on turned out to be a new BF which she told me after much persuing her and constantly telling her that i wasn't believing the reasons she was giving me for breaking up with me. But such is life... I know she has made a very bad decision for herself, but it's HER decision. Once the honeymoon phase passes/finishes its when realization will start to dawn on her. And IF she ever comes back (which she will only IF she falls badly in her relationship with her rebound) I might take her, I might not even take her back.

 

I have healed a LOT... went through emotions that I had never experienced... never thought exixted. But hell... I never thought that I ill ever get mugged by someone, but i believed it only once it happened with me. Anything can happen any time with anyone of us. That's life.